to make 'stuff'

[Tinklewinkle]

I had a bit of a...I wouldn't call it an argument really...with a friend last night. I know I shouldn't let it upset me, or pay it any attention, but I've been stewing on it a bit and I am quite upset about it.

I've been hunting for a rug for DD's bedroom, but we couldn't really find anything that DD liked, was the size we wanted and wasn't silly £££.

I like craft (sewing, knitting, crochet, etc) and find sitting still in front of the TV quite hard so need something to fiddle with and usually knit or crochet. I've just made some granny square blankets and am over knitting at the moment, so I thought I'd have a go at making a rag rug. It's the ultimate in mindless craft, I can do a bit each evening with one eye on Eastenders and not have to concentrate on it too much.

Anyway, friends were over last night, their kids play with ours, we get a takeaway and usually have a nice evening. Friend came in and clocked the half done rug folded up over the arm of the sofa.

She asked what I was making now, with a bit of eye rolling, said I was having a go at making a rag rug, she was a bit "oh, FFS " I just laughed it off, and said "oh, you know what I'm like" and left it at that

A bit later she bought the subject of the rug up again and had a huge go at me about it. "Why can't I just buy a rug like normal people?", that I'm making my kids a laughing stock with all the handmade stuff "what's wrong with Disney Princess/Frozen/whatever stuff", why do I always have to be different and that it's intensely irritating that I'm so arty farty about everything

I said that I enjoyed making stuff and the kids had never complained about anything I'd made them (I don't make clothes, I'm rubbish at dress making, but I like messing about with stuff like bunting and cushions and house-y guff)

Initially, I was a bit "fuck off and mind your own business" but like I say, I've been stewing a bit and am a bit upset by it. It feels like a huge criticism of me if that makes sense. And, the kids/laughing stock comment has cut a bit.

She sounds like a right cow! Maybe she feels there is some implied criticism of her that you can do this stuff and she can't. E.g. if you make beautiful costumes for your kids for World Book Day and hers go in some tat she bought for a tenner in Tesco or something.

Anyway you keep right on with what you do and ignore her. I love doing craft stuff too and I am sure my DD has never felt like a "laughing stock". I worked in secret for 18 months on a colourful, crocheted blanket for DD to take to Uni with her as I thought it would brighten up her student room a bit. She loved it and far from being embarassed by it she has it draped over her bed.

Sounds very weird and snipey of your friend

I love handmade stuff and I think it's really nice for your kids to have it - I have handmade stuff from my grandma still now which I treasure.

Also not everyone is made of money, though I don't really think it's being tight as spending time lovingly making/refurbishing something takes effort and investment of a different kind.

Just wish I wasn't so cackhanded so I could do the same. Carry on making stuff and enjoying it.

Btw could you do this with felt I wonder? I absolutely love the felt rugs you see in shops but they are SO expensive.

I want to have a go at making a rag rug now

I like crafts too and have only ever had praise from friends if I've shown them something I've done, along with them saying how they wish they could do it themselves (I'm sure they could if they gave it a go!).

Your friend doesn't sound like a very nice person to be honest. She is probably jealous of what you can do or intimidated by the fact that you are confident enough to do you own thing instead of following the crowd in every way possible. Don't let her put you off!

I think it's a weird complaint to have about a friend too. Why the fuck would she even care?!

It must be jealousy. She has no creative skills or imagination and resents the fact that you do. Why else would she get aggro over your crafting?

I know she thinks I'm really tight. One of my neighbours chucked out a battered old ottoman, so I nicked it out of their skip, painted it, recovered the seat and turned it into a window seat. Cost me about £10 all in and I love it. She thought it was tight that I just didn't buy a new one.

She's either thick, or rich, or maybe both.

What a weird and mean reaction from your friend. My mum used to make my clothes when I was little and I was always dead proud and certainly not a laughing stock.

Your friend is an arse. I suggest you buy her Kirstys Homemade home craft book for Christmas.

My class made rag rugs on an 'evacuee day'. They used potato sacks and half a wooden dolly peg to make the holes. They loved it!

Well now. She was very rude.

But most children have a phase of wanting the same as everyone else even if they don't like it. And it's impossible to explain to a loving parent why you don't want the home made or knockoff version instead. Or they're so excited to make it you have to say you love it even though you know you'll hear all about it at school.

DM knits - so do I, come to that, and embroider and quilt and so on - but I resist having things made for me because I don't like the style she likes doing. The DC sometimes request basic things from her and I know she's disappointed that they don't want complicated things but on the other hand she does thrill to be asked.

There's a kind of devotional energy involved in making anything for anyone - even a sandwich - so the value of a rug or blanket that takes weeks or months to make is incalculable. I sobbed last night watching a Call The Midwife repeat where they put a blanket together for Chummy at death's door.

All I'm saying is that I think some crafters can be selfish and put their need to create above the recipient's need to choose. Perhaps your friend had a mother like that growing up and wants to be sure you stay the right side of the line. Projecting, sort of thing.

It is a bit of a weird thing to get her up about. It's not like I've made a pass at her husband, or flooded her bathroom.

She really hates that kind of stuff in her house, maybe she sees it as me criticising her taste. I don't know.

Sebsmummy yes, I reckon felt would work. Apparently you can make them with anything and everything

DW makes rag rugs. They are great as bathroom mats. Non-slip, warm and comfy. You go for it OP. Ignore the silly bitch.

Oh you are so talented, I'd love to be able to make things! She sounds like a brainless sheep. I don't think it's very ' fashionable' to make things yourself these days, sadly, but I think you should be proud of your creativity, you can make things that are totally unique. Try not to let it get to you, but you could tell her that her remark upset you and asked her what she meant by it?

And I'd love to see your rug!

Well i'm pissed at you now OP because it's clear i will now lose my sunday evening to pinterest browsing rag rugs

Sorry, x-posted

MrsHathaway I do know what you mean, and I understand that my kids do want the same as their mates quite a lot of the time. I don't make them clothes (my mum used to make me clotheswhen all I ever really wanted was a pair of jeans like everyone else) so I am careful.

With the rug, DD has just had her room decorated, and she's chosen most of the stuff that's gone in there, but we really couldn't find a rug that she liked, that was big enough and wasn't £200+. When we were looking online, she liked the rag rugs on Pinterest and wanted a striped one so I thought I'd have a go at making her one

I agree with the fuck off rug.

i make stuff too. Currently on a spider jacket [or pinwheel as she calls it] thelaughingwillow.blogspot.co.uk/2010/09/my-version-of-pinwheel-sweater.html and already have two people egging me on to wanting other stuff.

Disney indeed. Shoot me now.

Good friends don't behave in that way. Even imagining she had caught your children sobbing quietly for disney tat, that would be no way to behave. A good friend might have a quiet word. Her behaviour is well off the mark. And btw, who the hell made her World Arbiter of Taste and Home Decor? Go with the fab 'fuck off you fuckwit' door mat idea from a PP.

On the 'laughing stock' thing, how old are your kids?

I ask because mine are 7 and 9 and I make loads of stuff for them, mostly knitting and crochet, and having read this, I'm tempted to make a rag rug for the lounge. (Incidentally, my MIL paid about £60 for her rag rug.)

Anyhow, my point is, the comments the kids most get is 'Wow!' and 'Can your mum make me one?'

One of DSs friends asked me to teach him to knit (apparently he's no hang ups about the girl/boy thing, which is very pleasing.)

I've made hats for pretty much anyone who's asked, and hats and scarves for children who are special friends of the children. I've made a little cardie and matching hat for one little girl I know. One of the others said their dad would like me to make them a cardigan (probably won't do this, as it would take a fair amount of wool, but if he's happy to pay for that, I'd give him my time for free. (That sounded wrong, but you know what I mean.)

Anyhow, they're still in primary school, but up until this point, every single comment that I've had has been positive.

The idea I've turned them into laughing stock is in itself laughable.

I suspect yours are the same.

have your kids said anything to her, do you think?

Op you sound like my sister, she is so creative and talented like you.

She took a battered old.coffee table my nanna had for years and transformed it into a foot stool.
She has made me the most beautiful collection of bobble hats for my baby too. I feel proud my LO has an auntie who loves them enough to use her time making things for them and I wish I could do it.

There is nothing 'tight' about what you are doing either. Any one can throw money at something, using your time is so much more difficult, especially as a busy mum with a house to run.

Go to her house and exclaim loudly whilst clutching your (home made!) pearls that you simply cannot understand how anyone could live surrounded by so much mass produced artificially coloured plastic SHITE and does she know it'll all end up giving her brain rot?
That should do it!
I am also a bit like you although hopeless, utterly hopeless, with any fabric based craft - I wish I could do a rag rug. You carry on doing what you're doing - she's the one with the problem!

Um if people didn't make stuff and used creativity and inventiveness there would be no Disney tat of in fact anything to buy to put into our houses, or clothes to wear or cars to drive. Remember the woman who made a fortune out of those things you could decorate crocs with, just by crafting with her DCs on a rainy afternoon or perhaps all the major engineers there have ever been. I think you were very restrained, your 'friend' would have have the full version of the lecture.

I've still got the rug my mother made me decades ago. It's special because she made it.

How rude was she??!!

I like making "stuff" too, op

In fact, I'm considering bringing out a line of Cath Kidstone "ODFOD" bunting especially to market in the light of reading this post

My nephew's friends were genuinely envious of the crocheted Pikachu I made him for Christmas and I was asked to make another for his best friend as a special birthday present. I feel sure that if your children were getting laughed at they'd have let you know!

Your friend remind's me of DS's GF's mother... she thinks money is what shows you care about people and spends vast sums on birthday and Christmas gifts, while treating people like crap emotionally. A couple of years ago, I was making quilted tree decorations as Christmas presents and mentioned to GF that I would make some for her mum. She very embarrassedly asked me not to, as her mum would be insulted by getting a handmade present instead of a shop bought one.

One guess how many xmas presents mum has had from me...