you invite a friend and cook a nice meal

[perfectlybroken]

And she looks at it and says her kids won't eat it and offers to make something else. Do you feel annoyed?

Next time, confirm what her kids will/won't eat before even planning what you cook, and ask "will x be alright, will Timmy and Jemima eat that?".

Hate to say it, but this is what the rest of us do when we are making food for other people's kids.

I expected my children to eat what they were given, as that's how I was brought up and as I love interesting food I assumed they would too. So I introduced them to all my favourites, and ds ate them all (pretty much).

That dd then came along and hated most of them and would not allow them near her plate, let alone her mouth had nothing to do with whether it was a faff to give her what she would eat or that my expectations were low or that I thought she should have bland or crappy food. She just would not eat anything with textures she didn't like or flavours that were mixed together.

No special needs, just a very strong will and a picky palette. As she grew up she became more accepting (and yes it was a faff, in fact I found it quite soul destroying actually) and now she is an adventurous eater and a great cook.

Some children become picky because their diet is very limited, others are born that way and have to be accommodated. Some children will refuse food even when they are hungry and become very ill as a result, others it's just a battle better deferred.

My dd wouldn't have eaten the curry, mushrooms, falafel or hummus and I don't think she's particularly fussy! In fact I have never eaten falafel or hummus (not sure fully what they are even!). I sometimes feel like I live on a different planet to the rest of MN

Having said that, I have brought dd up to try to eat something and be polite when eating at other peoples houses, so we would not have behaved as your friend did. I think she was rude, but to me your choices seem a bit risky for kids you don't know.

If we are feeding people we don't know we will usually do a cold buffet, spag bol, pizza, lasagne or roast dinner. Something a bit more mainstream. I always have a nice tiger loaf on the table to stop people feeling awkward if that's all they can eat.

i think all children should be made to try falafel. It's deep fried deliciousness that looks and feels like a breaded chicken nugget - what's not to like?

Falafel is a sort of paste made of ground up chickpeas with garlic and spices and herbs, moulded into a ball and deep fried. Then you either wrap them in an arabic bread with a bit of salad, or eat them on their own, but drizzled with tahini which is a lovely sauce made with ground sesame seeds, lemon juice and garlic (it's a bit like peanut butter, or sate sauce.) Honestly, it' the food of the gods.

Chickpeas and sesame are both on the rise in the allergen stakes though, just so you know.

My DSs wouldn't have liked the pasta because they don't like mushrooms or sweetcorn (and it wouldn't have been GF). They wouldn't have liked the curry because they're not keen on spices or tomato. I've never tried them on hummous because I don't like it (I don't get on with chickpeas) and so don't ever buy it; but if you'd had olives and cheese out, or cheese and crackers, or garlic dip with vegetable crudités, they'd have been right in there. They have pretty wide tastes but quite distinct dislikes - I always make them try new things, but as we eat a fairly wide range of food anyway, once it's established that they don't like something, I don't force them to eat it. Cooked mushrooms is definitely a textural issue though, as they eat them in dishes where they've been minced down finely; ditto onions.

They've never had a commercial chicken nugget in their lives; although I do make breaded fish and "turkey kievs" using GF crumbs. When we go out to restaurants, we don't usually bother with the children's menu either, as it's not usually very appetising! DS1 will usually have prawns in a garlic/creamy cheese sauce with rice or GF pasta if he can, as that's his favourite. DS2 (2) is still sharing our main courses - he doesn't like prawns, they made him very sick once and he hasn't touched them since.

It's very hard to cater generically for children's diverse tastes, I think, which is why I would always ask.

I still think the OP's friend was rude though. She should have got her DC to try something rather than turning it all down flat.

Thumbwitch it's funny how children in other parts of the world can eat the chick peas and sesame day in and day out and not be bothered by allergies.

Not really - chickpea allergy is more common in the countries where it is eaten more regularly, as it happens.

Spanish children, for e.g. have a far higher incidence of chickpea allergy than UK children. It's also a far more common ingredient there.

Ive never come across it in 40 years of living in a country where both are very much part of the daily diet.

Much more so than in Spain.

Good bit of anecdata, Weebirdie,

Your welcome

I'd have quite liked to just be able to put food on the table and leave DS1/DS2 to get on with it as it happens, since DH and I love food and eat nearly everything (well I'm vegan, but that's recent). DH and I sit there eating our yummy curry while they sit with us and eat exactly one spoonful of rice before dismissing everything else as yuck (and possibly scatter it all over the floor). They are nearly 3 and nearly 4.

I too found it soul-destroying that despite our best efforts, they just wouldn't fucking eat anything. We've done our utmost to keep things relaxed and not make a big deal out of mealtimes and not instil food issues etc, but when they refuse to eat a bite of anything and you just KNOW that they'll be up at 3am crying with hunger then I challenge you not to give in and make toast.

I'm hoping that as they get older they will be amenable to bribes along the lines of 'One spoonful of curry = 1 Pom bear'...... right now that has no weight at all though.

her kids had cheese sandwiches with bread she brought with her as she thought I wouldn't have any, and we ate what id cooked and she commented that it was nicer than she expected!

This would annoy me the most to - what on earth is she meaning - that you arent a good cook and you wouldnt have bread in the house? And why say this to you?!

Plumping, I wouldnt give them the toast in the middle of the night and I would chose not to do it on a Friday evening so they have the weekend to get used to the new way of doing things.

And Ive no idea what a pom bear is, I haven't seen them in the shops here, but for sure going down the bribery route to get a child to eat is only ever going to re-inforce their pickiness.

Special needs and genuine food dislikes aside I just wouldn't give picky eating houseroom.

Oh no, I refuse to feed them in the middle of the night; it's if they have completely rejected any food at dinnertime. I won't make them anything they really like, so toast is the boring fuel option.

Pom bears are a type of crisp that they adore

How can you tell the difference between genuine dislike and fussiness though? I hated fish as a child (still do) and my parents always made me eat a bite of it 'just to try it' and I would gag and cry but still had to do it. I don't want to make my kids fear mealtimes like I sometimes did.

Re the food allergies thing, I read about some research recently about peanuts.

Apparently in the West where there is much higher incidence of peanut allergy, peanuts are often dry roasted, whereas in the East, they are usually eaten raw. This study showed that mice who were fed dry roasted peanuts and then any other sort of peanut, including raw, were then more likely to be sensitised and had a higher incidence of allergic reaction than mice that were fed raw peanuts and then any other sort of peanut. They think it is something to do with the oils released during dry roasting, if I remember rightly.

Maybe there is something similar going on with chickpeas and sesame seeds, and the way they are processed.

I doubt it is as simple as just that people are avoiding feeding those foods to their children, and that is increasing the allergies (though of course it may play a part).

Wow very rude