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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

you invite a friend and cook a nice meal

168 replies

perfectlybroken · 31/05/2015 10:36

And she looks at it and says her kids won't eat it and offers to make something else. Do you feel annoyed?

OP posts:
Laquitar · 31/05/2015 20:50

Tbh falafels, hummus, and curries are foods that you love or you hate.
Children who eat plain foods wouldnt touch them.
Try not to take it personally. If she is good friend.

MakeItACider · 31/05/2015 20:53

No, no additional needs, apart from being absolutely bloody obstinate.

As a toddler recovering from an illness DS1 refused to eat, losing 2 kg in the process. THAT's how stubborn he is.

And where did I say I LET them kick up a fuss about eating. There are sanctions for it, many, many sanctions. Meal times can be drawn out, interspersed with time outs. Puddings can and are denied. Additional treats withdrawn. Plenty of other sanctions imposed.

I've tried the whole lot thank you very much. Any bright ideas or miracle solutions? It's quite easy to be judgment about it if you haven't faced it.

I choose not to do it every night because its bloody exhausting. But a minimum of one night a week I will push the boundaries of what they choose to eat.

I can now take them out to a Chinese buffet. I can take them to any restaurant and find something they like on their menu, though will occasionally have it modified (eg different vegetables, or no gravy on sausages). They now love sweet chilli sauce on things. They now eat beef stroganoff (as long as they can't see the mushrooms). They will tolerate bolognese sauces, lasagnes and cottages pies as long as their aren't obvious chunks of mystery vegetables. They now eat a decent selection of vegetables, as long as they aren't mixed up together or have garnish sprinkled all over them. They will finally eat pizza, as long as it doesn't have vegetables on it. The non cheese lover will tolerate some cheese on his food without throwing a tantrum. And on and on....

Over the last few years they have come a hell of a long way. But faced with SOMEONE ELSE'S version of a food they have become accustomed to they will backtrack and decide they don't like it. Particularly if it is a limited selection of food. If it is a graze selection it is usually a lot easier. But they will be happy to nibble on naked pasta, or plain bread if there's nothing else they like.

DixieNormas · 31/05/2015 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IanHislopsLawyer · 31/05/2015 21:06

You said you wouldn't challenge the kicking up a fuss while in someone else's home Cider. That's why I asked about you letting your children do it.

Your explanation, not that you owed me one, shows a different situation to the one I originally thought you were describing and I'm sorry I got you wrong.

What works for me may not work for you and to your credit you've clearly got more patience than I have. :) My answer would be to warn the children that any kicking up a fuss or making a big noise about the host's food would result in them being taken home for an early bedtime with no playing or screentime etc and I'd carry that out if they did every time without fail. I wouldn't be willing to let my children kick up a fuss, insult the host and remain in her home because I'd be livid with them. I've no patience!

MakeItACider · 31/05/2015 21:26

No, I said I wouldn't choose to BATTLE IT OUT in someone else's home. Ie, I wouldn't insist that they try something there. If they kicked up a fuss in someone's home then the wrath of mum would and does descend on them.

And I HAVE done as you've described. I've walked out of friends' houses, out of restaurants, I've walked out of events, I've done it all. It hasn't helped, except to show them that when I say something I mean it. And they do get that, they really do.

But it gets tiring walking out of them. And bloody embarrassing for me! But I'm the mum who has given them time outs in public, someone else's house, even in a shop when they've had tantrums (and then insisted they go and apologise to the shop assistant for said tantrum). So I am firm with them. But what's the point of turning each and every event into a battle? They need to enjoy some time out of the house, they need to socialise. I need a bloody break, if nothing else.

And as I've said, they are getting better. It's a process, for some children are much longer process than for others.

perfectlybroken · 31/05/2015 21:37

I take the point that I should have asked about her dc food preferences. I didn't as id often seen them eating well in her house but I.now realise thats because she gives them food she knows they eat. The food offered was fairly normal for people of our background, roast dinner would be unusual!

OP posts:
IanHislopsLawyer · 31/05/2015 21:38

Flowers Point taken Cider.

whereismagic · 31/05/2015 21:44

No, it wouldn't annoy me. I make a point of asking parents (well, mums) what their kids don't eat and they tell me and mostly the list turns out to be much longer. I noticed it before I had kids so when we invited people I always had frozen mini pizzas or something to avoid a stand off. I have a lot of sympathy for kids because most of the time they have no control whatsoever about anything and the easiest for them to assert themselves is food. Most kids would agree to have any kind of pasta with cheese or cut up tomatoes or tomato sauce and that's what I always have in my kitchen and it takes 10 minutes to make.

WanderingAboutRandomly · 31/05/2015 21:48

The pasta had SWEETCORN AND MUSHROOMS in it i!!!! My DS would have keeled over in shock. He recoils in horror at the very mention of sweetcorn. Wink He's 23 Grin I'm still waiting for him to grow out of it. Hmm

My kids were fussy eaters and it could be a bit awkward when we went to people's houses. However, I was very conscious that it was their problem and not the hosts. I'd either offer to bring a dish or feed them before. They would never say they were hungry.

Trills · 31/05/2015 21:52

Sweetcorn and mushroom pasta sounds horrible TBH. I don;t think that goes at all.

Preminstreltension · 31/05/2015 21:56

God I'd be letting the fussy kids go hungry. It's very rude. You provided a range and none of it is ok for the kids? Wait till you get home then.

On a much more minor level, we had a impromptu play date the other day, inviting a kid I barely know to our house for a couple of hours on a Saturday and I asked the dad if there was anything he didn't eat, meaning allergies or other restrictions. Dad said "He's very fussy" and launched into a list of what the kid didn't like. he was coming for two hours, not for life. He got a cheese sandwich in a like it or lump it way. I really don't care that he doesn't like sweetcorn and will eat tomatoes but only with the skins off and no to bananas unless with ice cream but then only with vanilla ice cream and if no vanilla then not at all Hmm

Flomple · 31/05/2015 22:12

I think your friend handled it rudely, letting you go to all that trouble and then taking over. Either let them try it, or arrange beforehand that she is feeding them.

Next time I would try to get more info on what they like or suggest you both bring your own picnic.

Btw I'd love your falafel recipe if you have a good one. DC love them but mine always fall apart.

Manic3mum · 31/05/2015 22:15

My kids are told they must try a couple of spoons of anything before they can decide if they do or don't like it. If they do not then there is no other option provided and no pudding. I try to discourage any fussiness with food if I can. We eat a wide variety of food so they do too.
I'd be horrified if they behaved like you described in your post OP. Certainly wouldn't expect an alternative meal.

dustarr73 · 31/05/2015 22:22

She should have told you when you offered food in your house.Its not like you sprung in on them.She was very rude.

perfectlybroken · 31/05/2015 23:01

Grin I won't invite you for dinner then trill

OP posts:
broadbeanstew · 31/05/2015 23:14

It sounds lovely. However my DC hate mushrooms, and wouldn't have eaten curry. I certainly would have encouraged them to try things but they probably would have only eaten houmous and bread out of that lot. I probably would have very apologetically asked if you had any plain pasta left over and let them eat that with some cheese.

I would have happily tucked into it all though Smile

CrabbyTheCrabster · 31/05/2015 23:15

Wow, Trill is almost as rude as the mum in question. Grin

BackforGood · 31/05/2015 23:19

I would be very annoyed, and might use it as my first opportunity to ask the MN favourite..."Did you mean to be so rude?" Wink

I have 1 of my (3) dc who is a real fussy eater - she knows very well that if there's really nothing she can find to eat if we were at someone's house, then she will go home hungry. It's incredibly rude to respond how the mother did.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 31/05/2015 23:20

I would've checked that everyone could eat the food I was making but I'd just let her get on with it if they wouldn't eat it.

Weebirdie · 31/05/2015 23:27

I think your meal was standard fare for children exposed to a varied diet and the 'issues' the children have with food are probably more the mums issues than theirs.

My lot, all except one of my children who is autistic, would have wolfed down what you served up.

BlueBananas · 31/05/2015 23:32

Hmm I can't think of many children that would eat falafel, curry, humous and mushrooms
If kids are coming to my house I've never fed before I would always do something that doesn't include any widely hated foods. I mean - mushrooms? For kids? I'm 26 an even I would've picked them out

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 31/05/2015 23:37

My children would eat falafel and curry, but thats beside the point. OP made plainish pasta as well, why couldn;t they eat that?

dustarr73 · 31/05/2015 23:43

But if you are invited to eat at someones house its up to you to let them know what you like or dislike.They arent psychic.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 31/05/2015 23:45

My ds had a varied diet, would wolf down spinach, prawns in their shells, calamari, olives but would struggle with pasta as he hated the texture. There's no rhyme or reason to what people like.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 31/05/2015 23:48

But if you are invited to eat at someones house its up to you to let them know what you like or dislike.They arent psychic

Do people put in orders when invited to peoples houses? Whatever happened to eat what you are given and say thank you? No wonder the children have no manners if the parents haven't any themselves.