you invite a friend and cook a nice meal

[perfectlybroken]

And she looks at it and says her kids won't eat it and offers to make something else. Do you feel annoyed?

YANBU, OP. My BIL and his family turned up for DD's birthday, for which I'd made chocolate cake and lots of chocolate treats (knowing they especially liked them) to announce they'd given up chocolate for lent. They're not even religious! I was gutted! :(

Yep

Well exactly Winter. I am ancient, but when I was a child I was taught from a young age that when I was a guest I politely ate what was put in front of me, and said thank you. And sometimes that meant eating things I didn't much like. As an adult I sometimes eat things I don't much like because I wouldn't dream of being rude or ungrateful when someone has prepared me a meal.

In this instance it is less about the children than the mother. Her comment of it being 'better than expected' was rude.

Do people put in orders when invited to peoples houses? Whatever happened to eat what you are given and say thank you? No wonder the children have no manners if the parents haven't any themselves.

mine are expected to eat some of what they are given, no fuss no complaining etc. All because of manners.
But most people do ask, and I am able to say if there is a preference.

tbh ds is fussy. I wouldn't dream of giving his list of dislikes and likes to anyone. He is 12 and knows he has to put food on his plate and eat. He would not have eaten humus or flaflel, or curry (if spicy) he might have eaten the pasta but he is fussy over what he likes. BUT he would have filled up in the bread and been polite and I would never have mentioned it to a host.

My dds would have wolfed down everything you served and so would I

Oh shit. my DCs wouldn't have eaten any of that either.

Both love pasta, but both have a horror of mushrooms (not for want of trying).
DD hates anything spicy (again, not for want…) and DS is allergic to sesame, so the curry and falafel would be out too. I'd love to think they would give it a go eating, but I fear you would have thought my kids rude whatever they did.

Because of my DCs fussiness, I would absolutely not have been horrified at the parent quickly knocking up some cheese sandwiches. So I know I'm a lone voice not being horrified, but I really wouldn't give two hoots.

kreesh - I had that, friend and her kids came to stay, made and bought lots of choccy treats, they had all given up chocolate for lent. I was not amused that they hadn't mentioned it!

I'd say a lot depends on the age of the children. My two now would eat or try everything, but when they were small dd woudl probably have been very unhappy with all of those options, and yes I woudl have asked if I could do something simple for her, but then I would have discussed food with you at the time of the invite.

The mum does sound quite rude generally.

I'm amused by the vast differences between what people think is normal for kids to eat! I was a very fussy eater as a child but was expected to eat things I didn't like to a certain extent if I was a guest, it didn't kill me.

It's not the fussiness of the children that bothers me it's the rudeness of the parent.

Thing is OP, that 'normal' relates partly to what they are given at home, and partly to their own personal taste.

ds and dd are like polar opposites, it is like they have grown up in 2 different families. Ds is trad English, meat, potatoes and 2 veg. hates casseroles/sauces/spices/anything fussy.

dd loves exactly those things ds hates, and really doesn't like meat.

They are, however, both expected to eat what is in front of them at someone else's house (or slip a bit on my plate!)

Four, the children were not rude, and I can totally forgive kids for being fussy eaters. It was the easy it was done that annoyed me.

Op, out of curiosity, how old were the children? Are we talking teens or under 10?

Fair enough Perfectly.

I guess I went from being a non-fussy eater to being surrounded by fussy-gits in my family and in my circle of friends. Generally, I now make a dish for the adults and hopefully the kids, and modify everything for fussy eaters.
Ie, if I made a curry I would set aside some cubes of chicken and make a kebab out of them with a bit of salt on it. That could be served with plain basmati rice, and if they were feeling daring they could have some of the sauce. I definitely wouldn't combine pasta with a sauce already for kids, knowing how varied and fussy some kids are.

I know that makes me sound like a short order cook, but everyone in my family is crap with eating various things (e.g. DH hates anything creamy, including un-melted cheese and butter on things - yes, he doesn't know what he's missing!) etc and it does frustrate me sometimes. But as we are also a household with anaphylaxis to several foods, I'm used to having to break down foodstuffs already.

Again, I guess I'm immune to that kind of thing being rude. And I wouldn't' have worried too much about her comment either. But only you know if this is worth being angry with her about. Me, I'd be 'meh'.

Im not talking orders just a genuine dislike.My kids eat anything and have good manners but if something they dont like i wouldnt expect them to eat it.
So if people here didnt like prawns but they where served up in someones house, they would eat them.I doubt that very much.

I just thought it was basic manners if it was a dislike of a certain food to let the host know but obviously i was mistaken.

Her comment about better than expected would have made me livid. The kids... not exactly convinced their mum gave them a chance to try stuff. But putting mushrooms in the "safe, bland" option might be something to avoid the next time. The texture seems to be loathed by quite a lot of kids (and a fair few adults).

Which is ruder - to let people know there are certain foods that your children can't/won't eat, or to let people prepare food that they can't/won't eat in ignorance, and then see the children either refuse to eat it, or push it round the plate and take an hour to swallow 3 mouthfuls because they're being forced to eat something they hate?

If I offer to feed someone, as a hostess, I want to give them something that they will want to eat. If they don't warn me that their child can't/won't eat something, and I make that something, I'm going to be upset, they're going to be upset and ALL OF THAT could have been avoided by getting the information up front.

Avoidance of upset is far better manners, IMO, than creating a situation through a misplaced sense of "what one should do".

And yes, I was forced to eat any amount of disgusting food when I was young - until I was actually sick. After that, avoidance tactics were more acceptable. And no, I couldn't help it.

My two are 10 and 8 and will give most things a go and would have wolfed down the curry. Mushroom pasta not so much, depends on whether it was a tomato sauce with a few mushrooms and some sweetcorn in, that would be eaten no problem, but mushroom sauce perhaps not. But if served something they hated would try a little bit, and then after a while, politely say they were full and thank you for the lovely meal. I agree with others that if your child is fussy then surely you say beforehand.

What Thumb said.

My childhood contained, among other miseries, being force-fed foods that made me vomit. And when I say force-fed, I mean being held down by one teacher while the other held my nose. Only two occasions, but quite...character forming.

DD was therefore brought up to eat what she wanted. There's still a bit of veggiephobia, but she makes a womanful effort for her aunts.

At that age mine wouldn't have eaten curry or mushroom and sweet corn gopping sounding pasta
Keep it plain for unknown kids IMO. Ham bread cheese sausages etc

My kids would have been made to try something and then go hungry if they didn't eat enough.

Bringing food just enables fussiness.

I was incredibly picky as a child.

YANBU

I really hate the assumption that many children will only eat 'nursery / simple food'. When DD was younger she would eat spicy, mushrooms etc. In fact she preferred that to simple food.

DD will eat every salad, veggie, carbs going but she struggles with meat. DD is made to eat what she's given but from an early age we started that and saying thank you. With the exception of milk and eggs which she will just throw back up (I suspect some intolerance to them). If she doesn't like it, then she will have to go hungry, no way in hell am I asking hosts for something else.

Very rude, I can't stand this pandering to children's diets (SN excepted) - my nephew is quite fussy but my brother always used to bring his own food for him to eat (he does have SN) or now we know what he can or cannot eat.

I've been out with my DS where the food provided was truly awful but he had a couple of mouthfuls and politely said he was full. I made up for it by having two helpings - and it was horrible. .

My DS is now a teenager yet some of his friends are still incredibly picky - if you offer a ham sandwich to one of them it has to be 'plastic' ham not naice, home cooked ham. .

My dd is 9, and would have tucked in quite happily to all of the dishes that you mentioned. But then, we eat a lot of curries and vegetarian pasta dishes and she loves hummus, so no surprises there.

While I would often cook food like this for our family (minus the sweetcorn, which I hate - though dd loves it!), I wouldn't serve it up to visiting children unless I knew that they were used to that kind of food.

When catering for kids that I know less well, I confess that I tend to go for "safe" options such as pasta with tomato sauce/macaroni cheese/pizza/fish fingers etc. And even then, I tend to check before I start cooking!!

At four ds would have eaten anything and dd would have screamed blue murder at everything except for the bread (she absolutely hated things mixed together when small). I would have said 'how lovely' and tucked in. And apologied for dd's fussiness and asked if there was any plain pasta left.