you invite a friend and cook a nice meal

[perfectlybroken]

And she looks at it and says her kids won't eat it and offers to make something else. Do you feel annoyed?

the thing that strikes me about this thread is not the fussiness, or whether or not your kids would eat it (as I said up thread ds wouldn't, dds would both love it)

The thing that strikes me is how you teach your kids to deal with being a guest when food is served that you don't like.

To me, basic manners says you take something onto your plate, (even if it is only bread) and then (as pp have said) say you have had enough and thank you very much for the nice meal.
The visiting parent should be aware enough to realise that their dc hadn't eaten anything, and maybe quietly ask if they could grab a slice of bead or if there is any plain pasta left etc.
The OP said there was plenty of bread on offer, so most kids could fill up on this.

It may not be ideal having a meal out like that, but kids will survive, no need to force feed and they have learnt a valuable lesson in manners.

My only exception to this would be with kids too young to understand, but mine got it from about 3, so it is possible.

I have sympathy with cider as my kids are ridiculously fussy. No SN AFAIK, they are just very very resistant to new foods or anything not brown or orange. I have given in to the extent that they don't actually have to eat, but they do have to sit at the table with us.

I find it embarrassing and would pre-warn any host, plus I would never ask the host to make anything different without warning.

Your guest was rather rude op!

YANBU. While I don't believe in forcing kids to eat something they really dislike, your friend didn't even give them a chance to try your food. Also as another poster has said, it's important to teach children to be polite when visiting someone. There's a bit difference between not being able to stomach a certain foodstuff, and just being suspicious and refusing to eat it. Your friend seems to be encouraging the latter behaviour by arriving everywhere with food for her children and not even letting them try something before rejecting it out of hand on their behalf.

Could have been worse . You could have had the little ray of sunshine round who came to my house and when presented with spag bol, garlic bread and salad , announced " what's this crap?" . He was 7 . Turned out later the only he was used to was " and chips "

I would have been annoyed, it was rude of her.

I would never say that my DC won't eat anything when we are guests in someone's house, because it is rude, and because I always hope that the social/peer pressure, different environment etc means that they will eat it, even if they don't at home.

It often works, and they have eaten - or at least tried a small taste of things at school or at other people's houses that they wouldn't ever touch at home.

They do know it is OK to say No Thank you politely to things they really don't like, or to ask for just a tiny bit. Absolutely no rude remarks though, and that goes for at home as well as elsewhere.

Speaking about likes and dislikes before anything has been cooked is one thing, making remarks about something that someone has already been to an effort to cook isn't OK at all, and I want my children to learn that.

To whoever said they 'very much doubt' that an adult would eat something they don't like, eg prawns, to be polite - I would and have!! If I'm with close friends who I know wouldn't be offended then I won't but I've eaten all sorts of sea food in different situations in the name of manners and I hate it all! I'm sure some would consider that silly, but I don't. I like the host to feel good about what they've provided, and I always feel bad if I've inadvertently made what someone doesn't like.

I've got an excellent family anecdote about the politest guests ever.

My scatty step-MIL invited a couple of friends around and bought in some really nice pork chops for the occasion, which were cooked and ready when her friends arrived. Her practicing, religious, Jewish friends.

Apparently they smiled politely, said it was alright to eat pork under some special dispensation of 'it was made for me in good faith', then sat down and ate the lot.

Now I call that being an epically brilliant guest!

Plumping - epically brilliant indeed!

To answer the Op's q, I'd have been mildly disappointed, but on the scale of rude things that people occasionally do this is way, way down on the list. Your friend sounds direct and practical to be honest.

It may be terribly un mumsnetty, but when children are coming to eat with me I usually offer a choice to the children of pizza, chicken nuggets etc because I know from experience how many do have very particular tastes. Hummus and curry would be great for me, but I'd never assume that children would eat this.

When I was a child I was extremely fussy. I'm afraid I wouldn't have eaten anything that you served with the exception of the bread and cake (no custard). Now, of course, I would happily scoff the lot.

However, I think PPs are correct that the issue isn't whether a child would or wouldn't like what was served. Some kids would certainly think it all delicious. The real issue is the polite response when faced with this situation. I think the woman in the OP was very rude. When a host has gone to the trouble to prepare a meal for you, the polite thing is to eat what one wants and thank the host.

I remember how awful it was to be a fussy eater. I hated the fact that there were so many things I didn't like. It was embarrassing and made social situations a nightmare. The last thing I ever wanted was for more attention to be drawn to me, even if it was meant kindly. My mother would never have asked for any special accommodations for me when we were at someone else's house, fortunately. And luckily I grew out of my fussiness.

No, I would offer up an alternative. Which I would make.

I don't think my children have eaten a chicken nugget so far this year (and if they have I certainly didn't give it to them), but we have curry and hummus on a weekly basis.

What is the British obsession with thinking all children will want to eat is mechanically recovered meat in breadcrumbs?

Wow so rude, mine have varying likes and dislikes (6 of them aged 2-16) but they know if we are a guest anywhere and at home actually as I only cook one meal for everyonethey eat what's on their plate say thank you for a lovely meal and often as not they offer to clear up or ask if the host wants any help.

Surely the mother should have let the children sit to the table while you all ate and if they didn't want it they wouldn't starve its only one meal!

Strike though fail !!

Yes my uk kids are used to curries and falafel because they were weaned on to a variety of stuff. They are not used to breaded nuggets or fish fingers because we've never really bothered with them.

When mine were little I spent hours shopping and cooking a huge amount of different foods. The boys eat 99% of things, DD is a bit fussier but once I was ill and bought more freezer food they got more fussy. Aka preferred freezer stuff but I let it go as 6 nights out of seven they have very good food with tonnes of fruit and veg.

Its disappointing that so many expect so little of their children when it comes to food.

I tend to put a variety on - wraps chicken cheese salad or pasta salad and dips - some thing for all and no freeze food insight - I save that for nights we have to dash in and out. But I welcome others cooking some thing different and we might just find a new dish to take home.

well next time i'll definitely ask about preferences! But i'm also really surprised that so many people would only serve bland food, processed meat etc to kids. In our house I put on the table whatever I've cooked for us all and they eat as much or as little as they like. But sometimes they'll have try of something they've previously not eaten

her kids had cheese sandwiches with bread she brought with her as she thought I wouldn't have any, and we ate what id cooked and she commented that it was nicer than she expected!

THIS would annoy me the most. Why brings bread to someone elses house? (unless allergy issues) and "nicer than expected?" I wouldn't invite her again put it that way

If you made a simple pasta dish and also had bread out then that IS a plain and simple meal kids should be fine with.

My children wouldn't have eaten any of that, not a bite

I would have ensured that they were fed before we arrived though. Maybe she was trying to save you the bother of having to come up worth something else by offering to cook?

Off subject but why did she think you'd have no bread?

She'd made her mind up her dc wouldn't eat the dinner you'd prepared before even setting off. Pretty awful really bet they'd have enjoyed it.

I do the same Op it goes on the table and we all eat the same. I couldn't be done with the faff.

Ive wondered about the bread thing as well.

Nicki - I think its perfectly understandable why your children (and my son) wouldn't have managed to eat what was offered.

All of my other children would have though.

Oh come on, if she's thinking far enough ahead to bring what she knows they'll eat then of course she's going to bring exactly what they'll eat, instead of relying on OP not having run out of bread and having white not brown and having yellow Cheddar not Red Leicester and so on.