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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

you invite a friend and cook a nice meal

168 replies

perfectlybroken · 31/05/2015 10:36

And she looks at it and says her kids won't eat it and offers to make something else. Do you feel annoyed?

OP posts:
BathshebaDarkstone · 31/05/2015 19:28

I'd be very pissed off. I do usually ask if there's anything other people's DC won't eat.

MayPolist · 31/05/2015 19:29

I had a friend who made her DS stand in the corner because he wouldn't eat his meal at my house.Now, that was rude!!

Eigg · 31/05/2015 19:31

I know Perfectly ! I was genuinely completely speechless for a minute.

I don't know what she was thinking.

Eigg · 31/05/2015 19:34

'Boiled puréed courgette' oh my..

I'd eat it, but I'd have to brace myself.

expatinscotland · 31/05/2015 19:36

She is fucking rude. Would never invite her again.

FishCanFly · 31/05/2015 19:39

I was always one of "those kids". For my guests i usually do bbq type meals a variety of stuff on a table help yourself to what you like, and ignore what you don't like. No need to break your neck over something that will be misunderstood.

RiverTam · 31/05/2015 19:39

how old are the DC? I think that not even allowing her DC to taste it for themselves, but just saying on their behalf that they wouldn't like it, was a bit off and actually not very helpful for her DC. My aunt once told my mum that her nephew (they were all staying with my mum) wouldn't eat croissants for breakfast (what she'd provided), but in fact he polished off two!

RandomMess · 31/05/2015 19:40

I would have got my dc to try it. If they'd only eaten the pudding and they were asking for food later on I would have asked if they could have fruit or something such as x that they would eat. I'd have been thrilled that they were getting the opportunity to try something different without me having to do it.

She is clearly fussy about her food and she was rude. Glad you've managed to get over it!

oddfodd · 31/05/2015 19:44

My DS is the world's fussiest child (has sensory processing disorder) but even he would have eaten the bread and houmous. Probably.

And if he didn't eat much, I would have just apologised. Not been so fucking rude

PHANTOMnamechanger · 31/05/2015 19:54

OMG how rude are people! You eat what you are given and no child is too young to learn that alternatives are not always available. OK if there are SN/sensory issues/allergies etc, then tell the host, or take a packed lunch as an emergency measure but you don't just ask to use their kitchen and their ingredients to make something else, even if its close family that is plain rude!

and I don't know whether to Grin or Shock at mince n tatties mother!!!

Eigg · 31/05/2015 19:56

phantom neither did I! I said nothing at the time but the minute they'd all gone, I ranted to my DH about it. It was very cathartic.

I'm wondering now whether she's a Mumsnetter...

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/05/2015 19:57

I'm assuming though odd you'd have perhaps said first? so host could easily just make sure there was some extra bread out? or just kept some chicken out the curry source or suggested you bring something he would eat so it wouldn't be stressful fir him? or something?

its easy usually to adapt if you know up front.

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/05/2015 19:59

Sorry forgot the Smile

I'd happily serve some bits separate of i knew someone wouldnt eat it mixed. I'd never find it rude to be asked to adapt slightly. Smile

MakeItACider · 31/05/2015 20:02

I hate to say it, but apart from the bread or plain pasta (without any of the sauce on it - particularly if it had mushrooms in it), my DC wouldn't have eaten anything there, including the pudding.

Good for her for having some bread and cheese available to make simple sandwiches.

But mine are fussy nightmares, and I would normally tell any host that they are fussy nightmares.

Why on earth didn't you check with her first? Children are a nightmare to feed.....

Justusemyname · 31/05/2015 20:09

Not all children are a nightmare to feed!

BarbarianMum · 31/05/2015 20:12

Wow, that's rude. I always tell my kids to try the food and, if they don't like it, to keep quiet and not draw attention to it. They can fill up on the bits of the meal they like, or fruit or pudding or go hungry but no complaining and certainly no alternatives. I do tell people that they won't eat spicy (hot) food though.

BarbarianMum · 31/05/2015 20:14

MakeItCider if your kids are that fussy it's up to you to tell your host. It's not unreasonable to think children will eat.

annatha · 31/05/2015 20:27

What BarbarianMum said. Lots of children aren't fussy eaters, and OP cooked a selection of things so everyone would have something they could eat. If your children are so fussy that you need to take bread and cheese with you when you eat out, fair enough but you'd tell the host in advance if thats the only thing they eat.

As others have said it sounds like she is the cause of their fussiness.

MakeItACider · 31/05/2015 20:27

Barbarian - I would and do tell the host. I also would make a point of finding out about other children's preferences if I was hosting.

As the OP was the host on this occasion, I posted advice to HER, and not to the parent.

Just - no, not all are a nightmare. But mine are. As are a number of my friends' children.

I also tell my DC to try the food and see if they like it, but quite frankly that is an ongoing battle that has been going on for years. I have expanded what they will willingly eat by fighting it tooth and nail.

It has not been easy, and it is NEVER quiet. If they decide they don't like the look of the food they will kick up a fuss about eating it. I choose not to turn every mealtime into a battle zone though, and I certainly won't choose to battle it out in someone else's house because quite frankly I would rather avoid the melt down and subsequent sanctions that I need to impose for said behaviour.

By the time they're teens I will have hopefully trained them up sufficiently to be lovely dinner guests. Until then the battle is ongoing!

oddfodd · 31/05/2015 20:29

Yea Giles - I always tell people and often bring something. I would never expect people to make (or countenance me making) an another meal for him

oddfodd · 31/05/2015 20:29

Yea? Yes!

MyballsareSandy · 31/05/2015 20:33

Bloody rude, don't invite her again.

What I don't understand is why does it matter if a kid doesn't eat and misses a meal, they won't die of starvation. If they don't like what's on offer just sit there, chat and sit least try something. People like your friend pander to it and make it more of a deal than it needs to be.

Timetoask · 31/05/2015 20:34

She is not teaching her good basic good manners. Very sad indeed.

Kitsandkids · 31/05/2015 20:40

I think it was rude of her to ask to make something else before even allowing the children to try it, and the 'nicer than I was expecting' comment was also rude.

However, I do think you should have checked with her that your menu was suitable a couple of days before the meal.

My foster children would likely not have eaten any of that. They do like pasta and (some) sauce, but hate sweetcorn and mushroom, and I'm not sure I could have got them to taste much of your other offerings. If we go to people's houses for meals I do warn them to just leave on their plate what they don't like and not say anything, but I'm not sure they could manage that if they didn't like anything offered! So I would be worried that you were mortified by my children not eating anything if we were at your house!

IanHislopsLawyer · 31/05/2015 20:40

"It has not been easy, and it is NEVER quiet. If they decide they don't like the look of the food they will kick up a fuss about eating it."

These are children without any additional needs? Shock

My apologies if they aren't because that's a completely different matter. If they've no special / additional needs why are you letting them "kick up a fuss about eating"?