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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"A boy? You won't know what's hit you"

160 replies

SoggyBottoms · 31/05/2015 09:53

I have a DD aged 22mo and am pregnant with DC2 who I have just found out is a boy. I am sure I am being hormonal and oversensitive but I'm finding the things people say really annoying...so far I've had...

"A boy? You won't know what's hit you"
"OMG you have no idea how exhausting boys are"
"Boys are so different to girls - they never sit still...prepare yourself..."

And loads more besides. I know this is all very well intentioned but as someone with a DD who could best be described as a total livewire - is always climbing something, jumping off things, sticking things into plug sockets, running around like a mad thing, bashing things, swallowing pebbles etc - I'm finding it really annoying!

Who are these people who think little girls sit there angelically playing with dollies? Do they seriously think I've just been sitting back relaxing for the past 2 years sipping from a wine glass while she looks after herself? (I wish)

And does anyone have a good comeback that won't make me sound like a total nark?

OP posts:

MTWTFSS · 31/05/2015 14:42

What I have learnt from every situation in life: people say dumb shit! Just be happy stupidity isn't contagious!

FlabulousChix · 31/05/2015 14:42

Boys are easier than girls. So loving. I had two. My sister had two girls who here out and out terrors until they were 18.

BathtimeFunkster · 31/05/2015 14:47

Boys are easier than girls. So loving.

Yes, females know nothing of love.

That's why chick flicks are so violent.

OrlandoWoolf · 31/05/2015 14:48

Boys are easier than girls

See. That is a generalised statement. Your 2 boys were easier than your nieces.

CultureSucksDownWords · 31/05/2015 14:50

It is as inane as saying that red heads are more difficult than blonde children, or blue eyed children are more hyperactive than those with hazel eyes, or children with small feet are kinder than those larger feet.... And anyone would be able to provide "anecdata" to either back up or counter any of these claims.

I also think that there are really only very small (if any) innate differences between the two genders. There are many interesting experiments to show how differently babies of different genders are treated, even by parents who say they try to parent in a gender neutral way. Dress a tiny baby in "girls" clothes and they are treated differently to a baby dressed in "boys" clothes. So socialisation into the stereotypical gender norms can be happening from day 1, so no wonder it is very pronounced by the age of 4 or 5. But it is not innate.

pookamoo · 31/05/2015 14:55

I have two girls. A neighbour asked me if we would be "trying again" when DD2 was about a week old.

I looked at her she said "for a boy of course..."
Some people are never happy.

One of my DDs is much more bouncy than the other, it's just her.

Children are all different. You just can't generalise!

Good luck with all of it, OP!

MomentOfWonder · 31/05/2015 15:25

I remain agog that people are so desperate to pigeonhole children's behaviour by gender, and I've become much more aware of it since having 'one of each'- I am trying very hard to let them be themselves. Love the comment about click flicks - think it hits the nail on the head with regard to how stereotypes run both ways, and limit both boys and girls.

Sootgremlin · 31/05/2015 17:18

I don't think people are overreacting to the dog comment, it's just once you've heard it trotted out on every thread relating to gender differences, it starts to grate and become boring, in the same way it does when an adult woman makes a forceful comment and everyone goes 'saucer of milk' 'scratch your eyes out'.

When things are repeated often enough they start to become a truism that's difficult to reject, especially when it's 'lighthearted'.

drinkscabinet · 31/05/2015 17:30

I had a DS after 2 girls. I kept forgetting he was a boy as a baby except when changing his nappy and was bemused at the comments about how 'boyish' he was as he lay there gurgling like a baby. No difference to the girls at all. He's 3 now and the comments have gotten worse 'Oh he's such a daredevil, he never stays still, he's such a boy' etc etc. Actually he's much better at keeping himself amused than one of his older sisters and no more of a daredevil than his other sister (who was climbing stairs age 6 months). He has more of a Disney Princess obsession than either of them but the people who are intent on him being a 'BOY' are quite silent when they see evidence of that (he was dressed as Elsa on Friday, his sisters were Vikings).

grannytomine · 31/05/2015 17:31

I have 3 sons and 3 grandsons, they are all different. People are just being ridiculous, your little boy will be who he is and he won't be interested in what they think he should be.

Radiatorvalves · 31/05/2015 17:40

I have 2 fantastic boys. They are bright, sporty and affectionate. Happy (usually) to do homework. Never had a negative comment about them....but I do think the dog analogy is a valid one. They have loads of energy and also need to eat and sleep...just like the labs we had when I was younger. Maybe this applies to girls too (don't want to be sexist) but am not qualified to say...although it didn't apply to me as a child.

lacksdirection · 31/05/2015 17:44

I have a DS and a DD.

DS is by far the easier child. So much so that whilst bringing up DS, I praised myself for being such an amazing mother because he was so easy.
Then I had DD and suddenly, this parenting lark became a lot more difficult. So much that I now no longer believe I am an amazing mother and instead believe that all DC are completely different.
However, if I was pressed to choose which sex was easier to parent based on my own limited experience as well as that of my friends and family, I would say boys are easier to parent.
That means nothing anyway, because I don't know a huge amount of people but I hope it balances out the negativity you have heard from people IRL.

messyisthenewtidy · 31/05/2015 18:09

You have my sympathy OP. Whatever people's opinions on the differences between boys and girls they should just bloody well keep their mouths shut around children or people who have children.

Apart from not being helpful in the slightest, do these people not understand the concept of the self fulfilling prophecy? It's not rocket science.

My neighbour regularly refers to girls as "little madams" or "little bitches" in front of her own daughter and when DS has proven himself to be as lazy as I am around the house, confidently tells me that it's because he's a boy.

The worst was when I recently had to listen to a female relative loudly proclaim that sons, whilst being lazy disorganised no-goods, brought a fun dynamic to family life and that if she were stuck with just having a daughter she would be bored - all this said in front of her daughter!!

When I opposed her in a polite mumbly way she started guiltily going on about what a caring girl she was.

It always seems to be that these negative stereotypes about boys AND girls are held by the same people. The person who believes boys to be puppy-like idiots is also quick to dismiss girls as scheming minxes. Just all facile stereotypes by people who don't think too much.

girliefriend · 31/05/2015 18:17

There seems to a be a tidal wave of sexist stereotyping about boys vs girls at the moment, I am sure it is worse now than when I was a kid!!

I would challenge those sort of comments op even if you just say 'ime children are children and they all come with their individual personalities regardless of gender.' Hopefully that would be enough to shut them up!!

Fwiw my dd and her mate are currently sat up the top of a tree probably annoying the neighbours with their attempts to howl like a dog

MrsSheRa · 31/05/2015 18:45

My dd totally encapsulates the whole "little girl" ideology - she loves pink or sparkly toys and accessories, pretending to be a princess, playing with dolls etc! She can also be very emotional and hysterical, lots of tantrums and needless crying sigh... She is almost 4 now and I have at times felt like quite a useless mother! So while she can indeed be a "little madam" she is also very bright, clever and full of love.

If we have another I'd just be grateful for a more placid little soul

Lisalou1 · 31/05/2015 19:11

I've personally found that people are funny about boys as opposed to girls. I have two boys and a girl, my boys came first so when it came to announcing our third child all I got from so called do folders was "oh I bet you're really hoping for a girl, boys are so boisterous I bet you wouldn't handle three" I just find most people are super excited about little girls but not so much about little boys which I think I kind I sad as boys are great x

lomega · 31/05/2015 19:14

People always make rude comments to pregnant women, it's like they find the fact you might be more hormonal and sensitive oh so amusing, and see if they can winkle a response from you.

Honestly, I'd just tell them you're delighted to be having a boy and that all children are very different. Failing that, just pretend to start crying and howling very loudly and screaming 'it's not fair!!!!!' so that they back away terrified

kennyp · 31/05/2015 19:21

people can be SO rude. my horrible mil said to me when i had ds "you're so clever, you've got one of each". so what - i'm thick as shit if i'd've had two girls?

babies, weddings, christenings, new house, new job etc etc ... good news can bring out the mad shit in people

Wolfiefan · 31/05/2015 19:22

FFS! I have two totally different children. I don't put that down to one having a penis and one having a vagina! They are different little people and have their own characters.
The one that gives me the rage is boys will be boys. Er yeah!

Sootgremlin · 31/05/2015 19:23

You didn't have lots of energy and need to eat and sleep as a child, radiatorvalves? Were you poorly?

Those are the most basic requirements for all children, but even so in order to be happy my ds needs more stimulation than that, he's much more complex than a dog and my daughter is no more complex than he is, so I don't find it a useful analogy, just a joke that's a little tired.

Andrewofgg · 31/05/2015 19:25

When I hear from a work colleague that she has a girl on the way I'm tempted to say something about the hormonal teenage years when she will be, well, many on this site know what she'll be and most were what she'll be themselves . . . but I don't!

LarrytheCucumber · 31/05/2015 19:36

I have two boys and a girl. Boys are great. (So are girls). Don't listen OP. People just say the first thing that comes into their heads sometimes, and trot out the things people probably said to them.

QueenofLouisiana · 31/05/2015 19:56

I've spent today with a pack of 10 year old boys (DS's birthday), they were fab! Polite, funny, all engaged while talking about Minecraft/ YouTube crap. They were a total delight. Not at all quiet, but they didn't need to be.

I don't have a daughter, but I am sure they can be equally funny and lovely. After all, aren't all our children absolutely the best ever?!

mikado1 · 31/05/2015 20:01

Nit a comeback as such but a wise mother of five boys told me tge only thing different about boys is the way people talk about boys... I really like that view. Like anything they are all different, there aren't two personalities-boys and girls.... I feel your annoyance and I will probably raise you when second boy comes along in the summer-steeling myself already for the comments from a few usual suspects.

TheoreticalOrder · 31/05/2015 20:12

My DS is like a dog, for sure. He was wild as a baby, hard work as a toddler and challenging as a child. Bloody marvellous, mind, and am hugely proud of him. He came into the world screaming and angry and as the years pass is slowly becoming more civilised.

My DD is calm, gentle, and laid back, and has been since birth. At the moment. I fully expect her to be a nightmare of a teenager.

It's not to do with their sex, it's just their personalities. I often find amongst my friends they have one much more challenging child than the other, so if your DD is the challenging one.....all the best op.

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