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Original poster

"A boy? You won't know what's hit you"

160 replies

SoggyBottoms · 31/05/2015 09:53

I have a DD aged 22mo and am pregnant with DC2 who I have just found out is a boy. I am sure I am being hormonal and oversensitive but I'm finding the things people say really annoying...so far I've had...

"A boy? You won't know what's hit you"
"OMG you have no idea how exhausting boys are"
"Boys are so different to girls - they never sit still...prepare yourself..."

And loads more besides. I know this is all very well intentioned but as someone with a DD who could best be described as a total livewire - is always climbing something, jumping off things, sticking things into plug sockets, running around like a mad thing, bashing things, swallowing pebbles etc - I'm finding it really annoying!

Who are these people who think little girls sit there angelically playing with dollies? Do they seriously think I've just been sitting back relaxing for the past 2 years sipping from a wine glass while she looks after herself? (I wish)

And does anyone have a good comeback that won't make me sound like a total nark?

OP posts:
BettyCatKitten · 31/05/2015 11:41

Theses generalisations and stereotypes aren't helped by the fact that you can buy gendered clothes for young children with slogans such as, 'here comes trouble', 'mummy's little monster' etc for boys and
'Daddy's little princess', 'mummy's little angel' etc for girls.
These gendered messages can influence people's perception of boys/girls and expectations of their behaviour.
If clothing/toys/equipment were less gender specific, so would people be.
The sort of comments on this thread were much less common when I was growing up, back then a baby was just a baby!

CuppaSarah · 31/05/2015 11:41

I think the issue arethereanyleftatall is that it's unhealthy to say any child's personality is dictated by their gender and that by people saying so, ends up creating a self fulfilling prophecy with them. If you were told for your whole life, that your hair colour meant you were going to be really pessimistic, there's a good chance you would end up being a bit more pessimistic. Children being so young and influential and very vulnerable to this type of thinking. Yes a good amount of boys are very energetic and loud, but lots are quiet and calm. Children's personalities should be encouraged and cherished and not judged purely on one aspect of their identity they have no control over. In this case gender.

ShoeJunkie · 31/05/2015 11:48

Agree with pps - I have 2 boys (one of 3 and one of 4 months) and so far ds2 is a very different child to ds1.

OhEmGeee · 31/05/2015 11:51

I hate all this generalising. I have two boys, one is a whirlwind, one isn't. That's it.

duplodon · 31/05/2015 11:57

I think unfortunately it isn't that simple. I don't think differences are innate, but regardless of what any of us think or do, these messages are heavily endorsed in our society and no matter what you do (unless you actually move them to an isolated island far from all human connection) they are going to pick up these messages.

At two, having never been in childcare and having only gender neutral coloured clothes and toys, my ds1 knew that Mummy Rabbit's twin babies were a boy and a girl because they were wearing pink and blue in a magazine his cousin brought.

This is because he lived in the world and any human with language has an ability to derive socially mediated relationships between symbols including words and ideas without ever being taught these relationships. Just being in the world seeing pink toy aisles and hearing people say boys are like dogs or girls are so calm or boys push boundaries or girls like princesses imprints on world knowledge, it's programmed in no matter what we can do.

So if boys are described as boisterous we imply girls are more timid etc.

I've seen a huge change in ds1's boisterousness since starting school but then he's getting far more messages about how to be male now, that I've no control over.

Sootgremlin · 31/05/2015 11:59

The thing is, boys and girls are already so socialised one way, that for me as a parent it is not about trying to influence them in the opposite direction so much as to not add to this, and as others have said, leave them a bigger set of options than 'boy' or 'girl'.

These stereotypes are damaging to children and I've seen the difference in how family treat them first hand since having one of each. My ds is ignored and told to toughen up if rough play goes to far "you're ok aren't you? He's ok, he's a boy". On the other hand, my dd can be screaming with delight at a bit of tumbling around with her brother and he is told to leave her alone, "she is softer than you. She's a girl".

Telling my daughter she can chuck herself down a slide and get her clothes dirty and my son it's ok to tell people to stop if they hurt him isn't going to change their personalities, but hopefully it will help them to realise for themselves it's ok if their experience doesn't always fit what they are told.

happy2bhomely · 31/05/2015 12:01

I've got 3 girls and 2 boys.

The boys are 9 years apart and couldn't be more different. The first, my eldest, 14, has always been a placid people pleaser. Older than his years, sensitive and responsible. The younger one, my 4th, 5, is a whirlwind of defiance. He is loving, sensitive and sweet, but has a temper, is very physical, and can be aggressive.

The girls vary between a tree climbing burping beast, (although she looks like an angel), a deep thinking mothering type, and a bossy pink princess.

No way of knowing what combination you are going to get. I'm sure birth position and expectations have a big impact though.

My nephews are the stereotypical boys. Feed them, exercise them and force them to wash.

I like to think I'm quite an expert on my own children, I wouldn't know where to start with someone else's.

formerbabe · 31/05/2015 12:02

I don't know why everyone is so keen to play down the differences in boys and girls...of course some girls are boisterous and some boys are calmer, but overal I don't think we should be so quick to reject their differences. The animal kingdom have gender differences...

CultureSucksDownWords · 31/05/2015 12:11

Formerbabe, people have already said that reinforcing these stereotypes is limiting to both boys and girls. That's why they should be challenged. There is as much difference within each gender as there is between them. You simply cannot say that because a child is a boy/girl they will behave a certain way.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 31/05/2015 12:13

We're not animals former. The differences are often created or amplified by the expectations you have. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

funnyossity · 31/05/2015 12:14

I have two really (mostly!) easy to be with boys.Neither of them even got particularly muddy. We always got out plenty but more at my instigation.

Congratulations OP and enjoy your new baby!

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 31/05/2015 12:16

Yes, all those girl animals out there wearing pink and sewing...all those boy animals wearing blue and bashing things. I've never heard of a female animal being more vicious than her male counterpart! Confused

formerbabe · 31/05/2015 12:18

Society and its expectations may reenforce the gender differences but I do believe the differences exist and are innate.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 31/05/2015 12:22

To be honest the topic here really isn't gender differences, it's the stereotype that boys are more hard work than girls. That is simply a fallacy.

BathtimeFunkster · 31/05/2015 12:31

Boys are, generally, more boisterous. It isn't sexism, it's generally the case

Grin

That's pretty much the definition of sexism right there.

Also, you don't get to dismiss anecdotes, which are a form of data with baseless assertions.

"It's not racist to say ! It's just generally the case that black people are .

Brilliant! Grin

clam · 31/05/2015 12:42

"boys are like dogs"

I think a few posters are over-reacting to what was probably intended to be a light-hearted remark.

CuppaSarah · 31/05/2015 12:43

I don't think anyone saying gender stereotypes are harmful are denying differences in genders. They do exist and that's fine. The issue is judging children purely by the gender, for example the ops son has been judged as difficult and hasn't even been born! Reinforcing gender stereotypes is harmful for children. Their gender may have an influence on who they are, but it is not who they are and telling them they are x because they are a boy and not y as girls are y, is damaging and unhelpful. They are who they are first and their gender second.

BathtimeFunkster · 31/05/2015 12:49

They're always lighthearted remarks, though.

But the message is the same - boys are full of irrepressible energy and girls are passive.

Springtimemama · 31/05/2015 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maninawomansworld · 31/05/2015 14:24

Load of shite!
Until they're 3 or 4 there isn't much difference between boys and girls, and even then any difference is only a product of society telling them what they 'should' enjoy doing!

Becauseicannes · 31/05/2015 14:31

Say: that's strange, everyone says they are really easy. Maybe you got a difficult one?

Becauseicannes · 31/05/2015 14:31

Ps my son is about 1000 times easier than my daughter was :)

Becauseicannes · 31/05/2015 14:33

Or say, I tend to find stressed parents make stressed children. (With a sympathetic head tilt) should drive them crazy!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 31/05/2015 14:35

That's very insensitive. It's nothing to do with bloody gender the stupid cow. All children are playful bouncy And energetic, yes some more so than others but would you want them any other way. I have a nephew and can vouch boys are gorgeous fun loving mischievous observant and inquisitive. I don't doubt any mums nans or aunties of boys will tell you the same.
Oh congratulations

WaferInMyCoffee · 31/05/2015 14:36

Interestingly I had a daughter after having two boys and everyone told me how much more difficult girls are! Can't bloody win!