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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"A boy? You won't know what's hit you"

160 replies

SoggyBottoms · 31/05/2015 09:53

I have a DD aged 22mo and am pregnant with DC2 who I have just found out is a boy. I am sure I am being hormonal and oversensitive but I'm finding the things people say really annoying...so far I've had...

"A boy? You won't know what's hit you"
"OMG you have no idea how exhausting boys are"
"Boys are so different to girls - they never sit still...prepare yourself..."

And loads more besides. I know this is all very well intentioned but as someone with a DD who could best be described as a total livewire - is always climbing something, jumping off things, sticking things into plug sockets, running around like a mad thing, bashing things, swallowing pebbles etc - I'm finding it really annoying!

Who are these people who think little girls sit there angelically playing with dollies? Do they seriously think I've just been sitting back relaxing for the past 2 years sipping from a wine glass while she looks after herself? (I wish)

And does anyone have a good comeback that won't make me sound like a total nark?

OP posts:

Sausages123 · 31/05/2015 10:45

People talk bollocks - simple.

BlinkAndMiss · 31/05/2015 10:48

Congratulations on your news :). I have a baby boy (well, he's not a baby anymore!) and he is amazing. He's calm at the appropriate times, he knows how to behave and he's never given me an inch of frustration or despair at all. He's slept through since he was 8 weeks, he's never been a screaming baby and he rarely cries now. When I found out I was expecting another boy I was elated.

And then the comments began - "oh 2 boys, you're in for it now", "never mind", "you can try for a girl next time" and my personal favourite "oh I can't believe you're having another boy, I really wanted you to have a girl so that I could dress her up and play with her". Disgusting. People honestly don't have a clue.

Everyone I've spoken to with boys tells me how amazing they are, whereas the people with girls are the ones who seem to be run ragged! I'm sure that's not actually true but I don't think the sex of a child makes that much difference to how 'easy' they are as a child. It's all in the personality. Don't lower yourself by giving a comeback, I always find a bemused look is much more effective. When they see that you aren't responding to their comment it makes them very uncomfortable and sometimes they'll start to back track. It's quite funny.

formerbabe · 31/05/2015 10:50

I have a boy and girl and sorry op, I agree with what you've been told. My ds has more energy than you can imagine. My dd can sit quietly playing for ages. My ds bounds around the house and can't sit still. I don't think this is unique to my children either. Before school opens up, the kids wait outside. Generally the girls stand together talking and the boys race round the playground, running, play fighting etc! Of course there are always exceptions but generally I do think boys seem like harder work because they have so much energy and need so much exercise. I know several mothers who have 2 boys...it is much harder work for them than it is for those with 1 or 2 daughters.

CuppaSarah · 31/05/2015 10:51

Nora I've always had it down as being the testosterone surge they get at that age. But that is a very good point and interesting thought. If they didn't have that pressure socially, would they channel it differently? Maybe the effects would be a grumpy week, then back to normal once it settled down. That really is a very interesting thought. I wonder if it's the same reason the girls seem to calm down and become quieter girly girls?

Gusthetheatrecat · 31/05/2015 10:51

Sympathy. I have three girls, all very energetic and lots of fun. People often tell me that their boys are much more work, and more full of energy and naughtiness etc. Like you, I kind of splutter at them disbelievingly, as if they think I've been sitting down leafing through magazines whilst my girls peacefully sit embroidering for days on end?!
I don't know what the answer is, as you're never going to change these people's minds. People unthinkingly spout sexist rubbish all the time. I try to stop myself, but I am sure I do sometimes.
My stock answer to things that are really annoying is a firm, "That's a funny thing to say," with an unblinking hard stare. Worth a try maybe?

CatsRule · 31/05/2015 11:01

My ds never stops and is very boisterous and energetic but also very cuddly, loving and thoughtful...as much as a 3 year old can be!

However, having recently looked after my neice, who is 5 months younger than ds and who looks like a wee angel, has made me realise just how sensitive my boy is! My neice is wild!

Don't listen to people and their stupid comments...I think some people feel the need to say something to pregnant people no matter how stupid it is! Children are all different and unique...your son will have his own personality regardless of how "the norm" people think boys and girls are!

CultureSucksDownWords · 31/05/2015 11:04

The "testosterone surge" is myth - no evidence for it has been found. It was invented by Steve Biddulph in his "raising boys" book, but there isn't any actual independent evidence for it.

Here's a good explanation of this myth:

evidencebasedparent.blogspot.co.uk/2014/07/the-myth-of-toddler-testosterone-surge.html?m=1

tiggytape · 31/05/2015 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScorpioMermaid · 31/05/2015 11:10

I've got 5 boys, they're great and a lot less hard work than my 3 soon to be 4 daughters..Whilst they're small I think the only difference is what's between their legs. (and these people have obviously never met my 7 year old dd, slap bang in the middle of her 5 brothers.. shes a beast )

Mistigri · 31/05/2015 11:13

I imagine that in average boys are a bit more boisterous than girls (based on the ones I know) but that doesn't necessarily make them harder to parent.

Mine are the opposite though - very hyperactive difficult girl followed by calm easy boy (though he's going through an annoying preteen stage at the moment so I might end up eating my words).

hackmum · 31/05/2015 11:15

People are weird.

I have only one child, DD. When she was little, she was incredibly boisterous, always running round, knocking things over, causing mischief. She just never stopped. The child she spent most time with when she was about two was a boy, and was exactly the same, though his mum used to be able to say, "Oh, he's a typical boy" as a kind of explanation for this behaviour, which I couldn't.

Another friend of mine had a son the same age, and a daughter slightly younger than my DD. They were both incredibly gentle, well-behaved children. It was always faintly embarrassing to be around her and her kids because my DD was so boisterous. It's down to personality really - and she and her husband are both very mild people.

I do have friends with one of each who will tend to say that their DS is more active and lively but it's by no means universal. I'm a great believer in treating your children as the individuals they are.

Welshmaenad · 31/05/2015 11:15

Congratulations. Boys are terrific. I have a girl and a boy and the relationship between them is lovely. My DS is 5 and he does have masses of energy but he also loves to spend hours playing imaginative games, drawing/colouring, reading and chatting to his teddies. He's sweet, caring, affectionate and amazingly good at sharing - he recently gave his sister one of his birthday gift cards to Toys R Us so she could pick a toy too whilst he was spending his spoils. I don't think he's ever been trouble a day in his life.

ScorpioMermaid · 31/05/2015 11:16

My DH also said to me last night "God help us when this little madam arrives, shes going to be the devil, I can see it now!"

drudgetrudy · 31/05/2015 11:16

I had two girls-my friend had a boy. Her husband kept telling us that we didn't know we were born. Then they had a girl-a very sleepless girl -and he shut up.

Some kids are more active and demanding than others and it isn't always related to gender.

HardcoreInternetFriend · 31/05/2015 11:16

I have 2 sweet natured boys and some of the worst behaviour I have seen over the years has been from girls. I am not saying that girls are worse btw, but it pisses me off when people expect boys to be badly behaved. As for a comeback, just 'yes it's a boy and I am so excited/can't wait/etc'. It's so lovely to have a son, congratulations!

Isthereeverarightime1 · 31/05/2015 11:17

My DS 14 months is exhausting into everything, doing things he shouldn't be etc and when he is with his friends both girls they are exactly the same

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 31/05/2015 11:19

It's nonsense isn't it. My ds can play football all day long if he goes the chance but when we are at home he's lovely, he can chill out and do quiet activities as nicely as any other child.

typetytypetypes · 31/05/2015 11:21

Didn't find out the sex with DC1, had a boy (now 2.5yo). With DC2 (now 6mo), we decided to find out and we were expecting a second boy. All good and happy. When people asked if we knew and we said 'boy', we got a lot of, "Ah well, the third will be a girl"

I was thinking, "Let me give birth to this one first!" and we're not even sure if we'll be having a third!

My boys are great but already quite different from each other. DS1 was a calm baby and as a toddler varies between active and calm but is generally quite easygoing - I'm ill and was lying on the sofa yesterday, so he decided to spend a good chunk of his afternoon lying on top of me Or playing with my hair. And giving me regular hugs and kisses.

DS2 is already crawling, loves being in with everyone, tries to grab every toy, wants to 'chat', explore... sure, DS1 did this, but later, and calmer! I'm kind of glad DS2 is second as I'm hoping DS1 will entertain him too...

I just go with the tried and tested smile and nod. Every day I get told that my two look exactly alike, that they look nothing alike, that my second looks more like me... that my second is easier than my first, harder than my first, exactly like my first... I just smile and nod to them all.

CormoranStrike · 31/05/2015 11:23

I have one of each. While they are different people, with their own personalities, both were identical to look after.

Saying boys are different or girls are different is just bollocks.

Enjoy your new baby.

CuppaSarah · 31/05/2015 11:24

CultureSucks thank you for the artical, looks like I have some research to do!

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 31/05/2015 11:30

formerbabe I also have a boy and a girl, and the situation is exactly opposite to what you describe...it really has nothing to do with the sex of the child.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2015 11:32

Sorry, but this thread and the anecdotal responses are all a bit silly.

Boys are, generally, more boisterous. It isn't sexism, it's generally the case. Obviously some boys are quiet, and some girls boisterous, but generally they are.

Neither is better than another, they're all gorgeous.

I never get why people get so het up about this, and so defensive.

tethersend · 31/05/2015 11:32

When I was expecting DD2, people tried to console me(!) with the thought of two angelic girls sitting reading or drawing.

Whilst DD1 fits that stereotype perfectly, DD2 turned out to be a tiny Keith Moon.

SanityClause · 31/05/2015 11:34

Boys are certainly encouraged to be more boisterous (think about the etymology of that word) than girls. We see "boy behaviour", and we name it. We see "girl behaviour", and name that.

We see a boy sitting quietly playing with blocks. We think, he'll be a builder or an architect. We see a girl quietly playing with blocks. We think, oh, she's such a good little girl, so quiet and self-sufficient. We see a boy running and shouting; we think, oh, boys will be boys! We see a girl doing the same; at best we think, ooooh, she'll grow out of it, at worst, we discourage it.

All the people generalising what boys and girls are like, are just limiting their children's options. Was that really what you were intending?

Instituteofstudies · 31/05/2015 11:38

Congratulations. Ignore totally. My DD was like w whirling dervish. Never sat still. Running about, jumping, loud, grubby, messy and utterly fab. So much is down to personality and acceptance of that personality, regardless of gender.

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