To think there are a lot of misconceptions about terminating a pregnancy

[fiveacres]

Obviously, about abortion, which is a contentious issue for some.

I am approaching the third due date of the pregnancy I terminated in the autumn of 2011 at 9 weeks.

I was a very pious sort once, who believed that abortions were morally wrong. i admit that freely. I still do feel that the best option is not to be in that position in the first place.

However, although I do sometimes think about it, I don't regret it. I've been pregnant twice since so it hasn't affected my fertility.

I paid privately. I did not have any counselling - I was undecided when I went for the initial appointment but I have to say it was very much 'assumed' that I wanted to terminate. The record of the abortion is not in my medical file.

You don't have to give a reason, although they did press me to have the implant, which I refused. They did do a scan, which was a bit upsetting.

It did not hurt. I was warned I would bleed a lot but I didn't. My periods came back in 6 weeks.

You are in a room with a LOT of other women after the procedure, which is upsetting.

Other than that, I felt good after having it done, relieved, happy, mainly relieved.

I do have the odd flash of guilt. I wouldn't do it again.

But, I was reading another thread and it crossed my mind a lot of people do not really seem to know what having a termination is like. My experience may be typical or it may not be, I don't know, but it would be interesting to see what the experiences of others are to try to dispel or to address some of the myths that surround this difficult but sometimes necessary issue.

I've had to NC to comment on this thread. Thank you for all contributing your experiences.

I had an abortion when I was 20. I remember going for a scan when I found out and wanting to ask what sex the baby was, I don't know if it was too early to tell but I really wanted to know about this little human inside of me. I never found out in the end but sitting in the waiting room waiting to be seen by the doctor terrified me. I was away from my friends and family and in a different city.

At the hospital when I finally came to I remember the nurse asking me how I felt and I remember telling her that I hoped I wasn't evil. I was relieved yet I kept crying. There was a complication with my placenta which meant I had to undergo surgery but I recall feeling supported that my then boyfriend stayed at the hospital the whole time with me.

It is something that has stayed with me but I know and I knew then that I could not have mentally, financially, physically and emotionally supported a child. It has remained a part of me but I was not ready.

My then boyfriend didn't have much to say but just went along with it. We now no longer speak at all, we are not friends and we have no communication but I thank our little 20-something selves for supporting each other. The one thing that bothered me at the time is that at the hospital they put me in the same waiting room as women who were pregnant going for a routine check-up. I recall the look of happiness on their faces as they held their bumps and feeling awful that I was there for different reasons.

It has changed me and I know that I was not in the position to raise a child so I have no regrets but it is not a decision that any woman takes for granted.

I know the thread you are referring to OP and I read it with tears in my eyes. I am 100% pro-choice.

Most of the misconceptions about what a termination really is, could be solved by watching a video of the actual procedure.

I will say nothing more descriptive than that, and I will cast no judgments on people making what they feel are impossible choices, but the misconception, the lie, is the sanitized version with the waiting room, leaflets to read and tea and toast afterwards

lack What did the HCP say to your dd? Did she go through her gp to an approved clinic for an abortion?

So sorry that you and your dd are going through this

Clawofbumhead what is this so-called lie you speak of...?

A video of a termination would depend on the method used but for the majority of terminations, which are done in early pregnancy, it looks like a moderate to heavy period.

Or are you vaguely alluding to the 'The Silent Scream', the well known anti-choice propoganda film widely debunked as total bullshit?

Have you actually ever had an abortion or been inside a clinic claw I've only ever seen one video of an abortion and it was exactly how my abortion was. I've heard about but not seen "pro life" videos that are not real abortions

X post ton

Why are you still recognising the "anniversary" of the due date?

She went through Brook Lucy. As far as the clinic, I don't know, I wasn't there but she said one of the staff shouted at her for wandering off to the wrong area in a bit of a daze. Plus she had to run the gauntlet of pro lifers outside the clinic.

I was with her at our local hospital dealing with the complications. She was in the gynae clinic waiting room for two hours, waiting to be seen. Bleeding heavily and in a lot of pain, pretty identical to a miscarriage really. There was another pregnant girl there, and later a girl with suspected appendicitis and three of her family, laughing and joking. So really not ideal when you are in pain and bleeding and really needing privacy. Staff were basically unsympathetic.

The next day, after she'd been admitted, one of the nurses tried to engage her in a chat about the lovely new royal baby. Do they not read the notes? Finally when she went for her scan to see what was left in her uterus, the consultant saw fit to tell her to be more careful next time. She was given some pessaries to dilate her to get rid of what was left, and basically left to get on with it. DD is really not soft, but she was on her own, in some considerable pain and they were very lackadaisical with the pain relief.

To be honest I spent most of the time wanting to give someone a slap.

I want to be 100% pro-choice but do find my judgey pants strangling me now and again. One of my school friends had 4 terminations before the age of 25, all with money borrowed from friends and never repaid in full which has probably, sadly, coloured my judgement.

I had a positive test when much younger and with a loser of a BF. Had an appointment at a clinic but began bleeding a day or two before it. I have no doubt that if that had not happened I would have terminated without hesitation and without regret. Awful though it sounds I can still remember the relief I felt

On the other hand, I have a brother lots younger than me. My DM was advised to terminate for health reasons but refused as she could not begin to face the emotional fallout it would cause her

This issue affects different women very differently and you are right OP to raise this. Neither side of this should be made to feel guilty, judged or uncaring

Gatorade I agree with what you say but I suppose the one but I struggle with is the idea of feeling joy? I guess that joy would be applicable on certain circumstances and I am not pretending to know what it would be like in that kind of position but still......joy?

Also something I wondered and this is genuinely a question based on personal circumstance (I want a baby and can't seem to get pregnant)....what stops people having the baby and giving up for adoption?

Don't want to offend, I've been pregnant once for a week so all input is interesting to me.

lack that is truly shit and I wouldn't blame you for wanting to slap someone. I have experienced insensitive and stupid HCP too. Hope your dd will be ok.

It is a personal choice for every individual based upon their circumstances at the time. There is no right way or wrong way, right feelings or wrong feelings. Miscarriage is portrayed as dramatic and urgent in the media. Childbirth generally takes 45 miniutes in soaps. Baby loss is best just avoided unless you want to portray psychosis.
Termination can be a total swerve of a disaster and an easy physical option and that's great. But it isn't always that simple.

Lackofpaticence - why on earth would you have tried to talk your daughter out of it?!

cluecu I was warned that there is little support for people relinquishing a baby, and often you will be treated as if the baby has been taken off you because you couldn't look after it. The thought of people assuming I'd had my baby taken off me, rather than giving them up to give them a better life, was what put me off.

I have never had an abortion, although I considered it strongly when I realised that relinquishing wouldn't work for us. I'm not sure if I ever could have an abortion, I think I'm just the sort of person where it would just eat me up inside and be very bad for me mental health wise.

That said, I am 100% pro choice and will always always always defend the right of any woman to have an abortion for any reason, for any number of times, at any age and any stage.

As early as possible, as late as necessary.

clue personally for me, i was recovering from pnd when I became pregnant. If I had continued with the pregnancy I honestly wouldn't be here now. I had two children who needed me. There was no other solution for me and my family. And sorry yes I did feel joy when I was no longer pregnant. I had never felt so afraid when I got the positive result on the test.

Can I tell my abortion story? It was awful. And I'm not sure if they treated me right.

Roid. Because of seeing how my mate never got over it I guess. Because I have a fairly young child myself and theoretically the baby could just slot into our family while DD goes off to Uni and has a good time or whatever and no one need lose out. We have plenty of room, enough money, we like kids.

But of course it was up to DD not me. She seems fine now but I am just worried about it making her sad in future.

It's sad how much guilt women put on themselves but also it's important to remember the nature of abortions has changed eg if you're not too far gone you can just take a pill.

Are you okay Confused?

Confused - of course you can, this thread is as much yours as anyone else's

See Shrunken my DD took a pill. Apparently it has a 3% failure rate. Which sounds not too bad, until you think, that is one in thirty women who think they are okay, but still have some products of conception remaining or are even still pregnant. I think that's pretty poor.

I found out I was pregnant when my son was 4 months old. My mum had died 8 weeks before. I had just been diagnosed with pnd.

I went to the doctors and they sent me to a bpas clinic.

I found out I was 9 weeks along.

On the day of the abortion I went in and had a tablet. Two days later I went back and was told the fetus hadn't died (I had bled the day before) so I was given a tablet to insert myself in the toilets.

I was then told to go home and I should pass it in a few hours. I was 30 min drive from home.

I started cramping as soon as I got to the car. I was on so much pain that I made my ex pull into asda. I ran to the disabled toilet where I "gave birth". I actually had to push and saw everything come out. It was so awful. And so so so painful. I was in there for a good two hours before it was safe enough to drive home.
It was horrible.

They rang me two weeks later to check I was okay.

Cluecu itmust be eSier to stop something in the eRly stages than to go throughwitb it full tsrm knowing it's not what you want but also conflicting feelings knowing you've grown andnourished that baby.... I know I couldn't. Carry a baby full term then give it up.

Jorah & Lucy, thank you for your replies. It just goes to show how varied individual experiences can be and I appreciate your honesty.

In the spirit of said honesty I can't relate to it as I'm trying to get pregnant and therefore biased but I am very grateful for hearing different perspectives

Shrunken, I am so sorry that happened to you.