To think there are a lot of misconceptions about terminating a pregnancy

[fiveacres]

Obviously, about abortion, which is a contentious issue for some.

I am approaching the third due date of the pregnancy I terminated in the autumn of 2011 at 9 weeks.

I was a very pious sort once, who believed that abortions were morally wrong. i admit that freely. I still do feel that the best option is not to be in that position in the first place.

However, although I do sometimes think about it, I don't regret it. I've been pregnant twice since so it hasn't affected my fertility.

I paid privately. I did not have any counselling - I was undecided when I went for the initial appointment but I have to say it was very much 'assumed' that I wanted to terminate. The record of the abortion is not in my medical file.

You don't have to give a reason, although they did press me to have the implant, which I refused. They did do a scan, which was a bit upsetting.

It did not hurt. I was warned I would bleed a lot but I didn't. My periods came back in 6 weeks.

You are in a room with a LOT of other women after the procedure, which is upsetting.

Other than that, I felt good after having it done, relieved, happy, mainly relieved.

I do have the odd flash of guilt. I wouldn't do it again.

But, I was reading another thread and it crossed my mind a lot of people do not really seem to know what having a termination is like. My experience may be typical or it may not be, I don't know, but it would be interesting to see what the experiences of others are to try to dispel or to address some of the myths that surround this difficult but sometimes necessary issue.

I don't think it should be hidden away, far from it but this AIBU. At times wonderful but often brutal.

I've had an abortion it wasn't traumatic and it was uncomplicated. I can't describe the relief I felt when it was over. When I found out i was pregnant I couldn't sleep for days, then I had the added extra of having to travel to the uk. The night after I had the abortion I had the most restful sleep.

I've never felt an ounce of guilt.

I had an abortion in my early 20s. It was a medical abortion and although it was a bit painful and unpleasant, I certainly wasn't traumatised. I didn't want to be pregnant and the only emotion I felt when it was over was relief.

I very rarely think about it now. I don't regret it in the slightest.

It really bugs me that abortion is almost always portrayed in drama as this awful, terrible decision you will think about forevermore.

Just because some people aren't traumatised doesn't mean that no one is. It's not a misconception to think that some people will find it very hard and will regret their decision. I'm not sure how some people on MN are going to dispel myths about it because you've already got a range of opinions/experiences here and no one is 'wrong'.

I haven't had a termination but I have had a miscarriage for which I took the same pills used in some terminations. I know someone who had a termination using the same method and had to run the gauntlet of anti-choice bell-ends outside the clinic. Apparently this pill causes infertility, cancer, birth defects in future pregnancies, and so on. None of this crap is directed towards women taking it for management of a miscarriage.

We had a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago. I was convinced I was pregnant, period a few days late, had symptoms, the lot. I did a HPT and it was negative and I cried my eyes out with relief (and my period arrived the next morning). If it had been positive I'd have terminated the pregnancy, I knew that before I even opened the test as there is no way we could manage another baby right now, in a few years time maybe but in the here and now it would break us. I'm thankful to live in a country where I have that option.

yes, it's almost as if "because abortion is a huge politically charged issue it must be a huge big deal for women".

but the politicisation of it does not = it's importance in a woman's life. At all.

Nobody here is saying it doesn't or hasn't affected some women in a negative way.. There are myths surrounding abortion that only a woman or women who have had an abortion can dispel Bumbly

I had an abortion in the winter of 08/09 (that's all I can remember in terms of date), and don't regret it in the slightest. I think I was 7.5 weeks at the time, and I had been sick for a week prior to that and was absolutely wiped out (mentally and physically exhausted), meaning that the second I got given the sedation I was out like a light.

Afterwards I was just glad it was over. No counselling needed, a day or two of cramps, that was all.

Looking back, like a PP stated, I feel like I have had a lucky escape, knowing how my ex is now.

I don't actually know if I am pro choice which amazes me in some ways because I am very pro choice in all other aspects of life really.

I find it very hard to be ok with the gender scenario and, tbh, a few other situations BUT I think that's because I am seeing it through my eyes because pregnancy is a very emotional thing for me if that makes sense?

I feel a bit scared / guilty / ashamed of saying I don't always agree with abortion but I don't. I actually feel like it's more frowned upon to think like this than it is to have an abortion.

I wouldn't wish anyone to feel guilty or to regret and abortion or to have their head filled with propaganda and I am glad OP that you aren't traumatised. However, I do struggle with the nuances of abortion.

Sorry, but I think bollocks to when you start moralising where do you stop. It is not a decision to be taken lightly, you're choosing to completely extinguish the enormous potential of a possible person. If it's a situation that you didn't choose, and keeping the baby would greatly distress you, then it's the best of a bad bunch, (I believe very few people have the baby & then give it up for adoption nowadays).

I am pro choice, but am happy to say that I'm against women that would use it as a form of contraception. Either in general by having multiple abortions, or by finding out the sex and terminating the unwanted choice. Thankfully I think people like this are rare & I generally feel sorry for anyone who has had to go through it
I had a d&c recently & it was horrid. I imagine physically the procedure is similar & I imagine anyone having an abortion would have heightened feelings seeing a scan right before the procedure. I think counselling & talking about it should be mandatory.

Why is this not a reasonable view?

missduke - thank you for your post. It was difficult because I wasn't allowed to tell anyone in my family so I had nobody to talk to about it. My mom had made her mind up and that was that. I remember the night before my termination I was lying in my bed and thinking that all I wanted to do was run away.

Also, everyone at school found out (as they do) and you can imagine the uproar that caused. Everyone was talking about me and gossiping about it behind my back. People thought it was funny to scrawl "Writer is a murderer" on the blackboards etc.

The whole experience for me was so emotion. It was only 3 months after turning 16, I was do young and I had nobody to turn to. It was the hardest phase of my life, I will never forget.

In the years that followed if my mom ever made reference to the termination it was described as "that trouble you got yourself into."

When it was all going on I was made to feel ashamed at home and ashamed at school. It was an awful time of my life. Hardly surprising really that it's affected me so badly.

I am very glad I didn't have to risk my life with a backstreet abortionist, or have to travel to another country to have the procedure.

Mine was in 2011, an early surgical. Four years on I still feel sad about having to make that decision, but I am also hugely relieved that I wasn't forced to have that baby. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, but a good deal of that was the external circumstances that made the termination necessary.

But Lucy, if some women have experienced those feelings then they aren't 'myths'.

I do struggle with the nuances of abortion.

For me, I honestly don't see nuances in abortion. I believe that every woman has the right to decide whether or not she wants to be pregnant. There aren't really any nuances to me. Some scenarios may personally make me uncomfortable (like the other abortion thread discussed tonight) but even the I would support a woman's right to opt for an abortion.

I understand that re nuances. I don't agree but I don't want to get into a pro choice debate

But Lucy, if some women have experienced those feelings then they aren't 'myths'.

Nobody is arguing that no woman is ever upset by having an abortion. Some women are traumatised, find the whole process deeply upsetting and regret the procedure.

The myth we are discussing is the myth that being terribly distressed is an inevitable reaction to abortion. That to NOT be upset is abnormal or unfeeling in some way.

I haven't phrased this very well but I hope you can see what I mean.

The decision should be entirely between the woman and her medical practitioner, with the final decision resting with the woman. Her reasons are her own and are subjective, what one person thinks is a valid reason may not be to someone else. We all have differing tolerances and thresholds and a prescriptive list of acceptable/unacceptable reasons for an abortion goes against that. I may not agree with some of the reasons a woman might have for terminating but I would keep that to myself and I agree wholeheartedly that is is her choice. I think counselling should be available if wanted but that it should not be at all compulsory.

I'd also like to point out that the number of women using abortion as contraception is very low however it brings us back around to the notion of better an abortion than being made to continue an unwanted pregnancy and then having to deal with the resulting unwanted child.

Does anyone actuality think it is an inevitable consequence though? This seems to be an invented myth that people are trying to dispel

I meant the myths surrounding the process of abortion that only a woman who had actually had an abortion would know about. There are the other myths which are you will forever feel guilt that you will suffer from depression etc etc Also only women who have had an abortion would know about this Bumbly

I don't feel guilty about my abortion. It's not a secret and I'm happy to talk about it.
I was 22 and in a very crappy relationship with a guy who was nearly 40 who had 4 kids with 3 other women.
It was absolutely the best decision for me.
6 months after that I got back with a previous ex and we've been married 10 years and have 3 kids who are loved and wanted.
I would not be where I am if I'd have had that baby

"There are the other myths which are you will forever feel guilt that you will suffer from depression etc etc Also only women who have had an abortion would know about this Bumbly"

This is why I asked if anyone actually thinks that. Are people trying to dispel made up myths?

Also, people who haven't had abortions can also be aware of the process surrounding it.

You think that forever feeling guilt and depression are made up myths?

You're contradicting yourself bumbly as you have clearly said on mn on many threads that women who have had abortions can suffer long term affects including mental health issues

can suffer.

Not sure where you're struggling with this Lucy. You're suggesting that there is a myth about people having abortions feeling lifelong guilt and depression. Now, some people can and do feel lifelong guilt and depression so that's not a myth. BUT most people realise that not everyone feels lifelong guilt and depression. So you seem to have created this myth that "Everyone thinks people who have abortions feel lifelong guilt and depression" when that myth doesn't really exist.

Sorry Bumbly that should read "Some people think and lead others to believe that every woman will feel guilt and suffer with mental health issues after having an abortion

My best mate had an abortion when we were 18. Her life since has been one sad tale of self destruct. I really don't think she ever got over it.

BUT my DD(19) recently had some horrendous unexplained bleeding. Rushed her to the doctors and the whole sorry tale unravelled. She had an unplanned, supposedly uncomplicated fling with a mate. Condom failed. She got MAP. Realised six weeks later it too had failed. Took herself off alone to get medical termination a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately that had not worked properly either. We had to take her to hospital for further treatment.

What has shone through all this is her absolute determination not to have a baby, her utter relief when it was all over. She has her whole life ahead of her and the boy turned out to be a bit of a dick when the chips were down. She hadn't told us about it because she suspected we'd try and talk her out of it.

And yeah, we probably would have, so just as well we didn't know.

Another point, even now in 2015, judgy health professionals who really should know better, have attempted to make my DD feel a bit shit about herself.

I've never had an abortion but I'm glad the option is there and I'd never judge anyone for how they dealt with a pregnancy.

I do find it sad that some women take so much guilt on themselves for making the decision they needed to make. 'I'd never forgive myself' comes up a lot, and I think it can be almost an automatic knee-jerk reaction because we rarely hear from the women who had abortions and walked out of the clinic with a sigh of relief. It's always 'Yes it happened, and I deeply regret it and think about it every single day of my life, and get my friends to beat me with birch twigs every anniversary of the date.'

That's why even though I disagree with her on many things, I love Caitlin Moran for writing so honestly about having an abortion for no 'good' reason, and for being pleased with her choice. We need those stories. Often it seems women in our society are only allowed to share their abortion stories if they stress the regret and shame they felt, but relief, joy, even no emotion at all are equally as valid as reactions.