To think there are a lot of misconceptions about terminating a pregnancy

[fiveacres]

Obviously, about abortion, which is a contentious issue for some.

I am approaching the third due date of the pregnancy I terminated in the autumn of 2011 at 9 weeks.

I was a very pious sort once, who believed that abortions were morally wrong. i admit that freely. I still do feel that the best option is not to be in that position in the first place.

However, although I do sometimes think about it, I don't regret it. I've been pregnant twice since so it hasn't affected my fertility.

I paid privately. I did not have any counselling - I was undecided when I went for the initial appointment but I have to say it was very much 'assumed' that I wanted to terminate. The record of the abortion is not in my medical file.

You don't have to give a reason, although they did press me to have the implant, which I refused. They did do a scan, which was a bit upsetting.

It did not hurt. I was warned I would bleed a lot but I didn't. My periods came back in 6 weeks.

You are in a room with a LOT of other women after the procedure, which is upsetting.

Other than that, I felt good after having it done, relieved, happy, mainly relieved.

I do have the odd flash of guilt. I wouldn't do it again.

But, I was reading another thread and it crossed my mind a lot of people do not really seem to know what having a termination is like. My experience may be typical or it may not be, I don't know, but it would be interesting to see what the experiences of others are to try to dispel or to address some of the myths that surround this difficult but sometimes necessary issue.

I'm not sure if I want to debate this but I would say that

a) thousands of people not existing, in the grand scheme of things, for the planet, is not a bad thing.

b) nobody knows what will happen. You might have a child and that child may choose not to have children. I'm not going to say that that's a terrible shame because of all the people who might've existed but won't. Because it isn't.

c) there are infiinite, literally infinite things that don't exist. I don't see any point in feeling sad for any of them. Except unicorns.

writer thanks, it's nice to know I'm not the only person who feels that way.

I'm 8 weeks pregnant with dc2 and although this baby is very much wanted, I feel as though I owe it to the baby we terminated to feel a little sad about the life we didn't feel able to give him or her.

Guilt is one of the worst emotions around, IMO. It's inherently useless, too.

I've never had a ToP but took 2 friends along to theirs as they couldn't drive home afterwards.

They never felt guilty, it was the right choice for them, they were not under pressure to have one, it was what they wanted and I am glad their choice was able to be respected legally and safely.

toasty - that's exactly it. I look at DS now and I wonder to myself if Baby Number One would have looked like him, or if they would have had similar personalities.

By making myself think about the termination and allow the feelings of guilt to exist is my way of letting that baby know that although it wasn't allowed to live it still mattered to me and I still class it as a child that I could have had.

I won't let myself forget about the baby that could have been and I don't really want to.

100% pro choice for any reason at any gestation no matter how often.

I had one in January for medical reasons (my own health) I had thought I was having the tablet but they did a surgical because they said it would be difficult for me to manage at home being by myself with all my kids. They were very professional and not one person was offish with me and at no time did I have to wait in a waiting room full of other people.

I don't feel any guilt or have any issues as a result of it. The difference for me is I would rather like to have another baby under different circumstance (I was using injectable contraception due to the circumstances) and I would have done if I had have been able to obtain the medical treatment I needed as early as I needed it.

Thanks for talking about it with me writer.
In real life, everyone's opinions seem to be so cut and dry, like there no room to acknowledge anything that might be upsetting.

That being said, I support a woman's choice to do whatever she pleases with her body, I'd never do it again though.

Please do leave this in AIBU, the whole point is that this is an issue that needs less secrecy, less shame, less cloak and dagger behaviour. We do need more honesty around the subject.

The thing about being Pro-Choice doesn't mean you can't have opinions, or judge people, or whatever. Thats just not how people work. You can think what you like about peoples motives and actions. The problem comes when people think their judgements should be able to influence the choices of others.

I don't like that you're seeking an abortion/your reasons for seeking an abortion/etc so I don't think you should get one/the law should be changed to stop you etc
is a very very different concept to
I don't like that you're seeking an abortion/your reasons etc but thats your own business and nothing I should influence

We do need to dispel the myths around abortion and try and get rid of some of the stereotypes, if only because it might move some people from concept 1 to concept 2.

Personally I think we should have full access to abortion on demand at any gestation, I appreciate this is seen as extreme to many but I hope that in the future it goes in that direction.

Winter What would be your cut off point in terms of gestation though with these on demand abortions? And I ask this in relations to circumstances when the reason for the late abortion isn't a medical one.

None. Up to delivery. And yes, I find the prospect of that quite as gruesome as I'm sure you do, however I still don't think my opinion should change someone elses choice to do that. I believe women would self regulate perfectly well.

You seriously think it should be ok to have a baby of 38wks gestation (as an example) be allowed to be killed because the mother no longer wants it?

I've never had a termination but am 100% pro choice. No woman should be forced to continue to be pregnant if she doesn't want to be. It's as simple as that for me.

Writer, your posts are so sad. The difference with you was, you weren't given the choice. Have you ever had counselling?

It's never as simple as 'no longer wants it'. Read this and educate yourself.

I seriously think it should be legal, yes. I don't think that in practise it would happen, except in very extreme circumstances that I would not legislate against.
Again, please don't confuse my personal feelings on such things occuring with my stance on the law and the womans right to choose for herself. I'm perfectly happy to discuss my opinion unless it turns into a personal attack.

That link is really sad.

Those girls - and I am using that word deliberately - do not deserve any judgement from anybody.

foodie - I have never had any counselling for it. I just put on a brave face and acted as though it hadn't affected me. My mom, apart from sister), is the only person in my family who knows about it so I never had anybody to talk to about it.

As soon as I told my mom that I was pregnant she forbid me from seeing my BF again (we'd been together for 8 months) so I didn't even have him for support.

I remember once when I registered with a new GP (five years after the termination) I was asked about previous pregnancies and I just broke down in tears. The GP mentioned Counselling but I took it no further. I still felt so incredibly guilty about what I had done that I knew I wouldn't be able to talk about it with anyone.

bemore - I've only got my iPhone and the text on that link is too small to read on my screen. I didn't mean to sound flippant with my 'just doesn't want it' comment, I just really struggle with the conception of babies very late gestation being aborted.

My sister had had two late abortions, one at 20 weeks and one at 23 weeks (neither for medical reasons) and I find it hard to understand how emotionally she could cope with that.

I don't think I could emotionally cope with it either Writer but logically then - I wouldn't have one. I don't have the right to decide that for somebody else.

I completely understand her reasons for doing so and the terminations were definitely the right decisions for her but I do wonder if they affected her emotionally (or still do) more than she ever let on.

I couldn't do it. Under any circumstances. I did have an unplanned pregnancy and had the baby...all turned out well...however I fully support a woman's right to choose.

That said I do wonder why so many people are still getting pregnant (and I include myself in that - contraceptive failure, was sick whilst on Pill) can't they make something that's 100% reliable other than abstinence or sterilisation?!

OldBlood thank you for sharing your experience. I looked down the barrel of a ToP at 23 weeks, with all that it entails, while waiting for amnio results. My DD had heart problems but amnio showed that she didnt have Down syndrome - but if she had, I know I'd have made the same decision that you did. And I hope I would have handled it with the same strength that you have.

I won't take hormonal contraception.

My abortion was actually a planned pregnancy (I then changed my mind.) I was 'caught out' with DC3 because my periods were all over the place as DC2 was only 6 months.

So was your abortion your first child?

I think the term first pregnancy is more inclusive and helpful?

Sorry, that was a poor choice of words, I was just trying to figure out where the termination fell in terms of your other pregnancies. No offence intended

I've never had a termination but I've had 2 miscarriages which is probably physically the same thing.

I'm 100% pro choice because I think every baby should be loved and wanted. I've had unplanned babies who I love but forcing a woman to be a mum when she doesn't want to isn't fair on her or the baby. In an ideal world abortion wouldn't be needed but we're not in an ideal world.