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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sorry for kids who are always playing out

355 replies

vodkanchocolate · 28/05/2015 10:30

Probilly sounding very judgmental here. On our bit of street we have 2 families who never seem to do anything with their kids they are just playing out constantly I often wonder when they manage to go in for tea/dinner let alone baths, homework etc.

So yesterday dinner was time for us to go out go find my eldest dd who said why cant she play out with the others explained we are going to see an elderly relative whos about celebrate her 80th then we can call to the near by park this girl was listneing in and said thats laim fair enough not the most entertaining day for a 9 year old but the younger ones enjoyed themselves. Got back tea time and the bunch of same kids were still all i the street aged ranges from 4-12 and apparently one of the kids have said to my 2 eldest that Im stuck up and trying to stop them playing with the other kids. Why the hell would an 8 year old come out with that comment.

My kids do play out particully my 9 year old and never stopped her playing with anyone theres the odd incident where ill say think you best come away for a bit to avoid something.

Its same after school eve on a school night during summer months out until 9pm some nights wonder where the hell they find time to do stuff.

Sorry on phone today typing not very good.

OP posts:
echt · 28/05/2015 11:29

Maybe I missed it, but could someone point out to me where the OP used the word chaotic? not the word but try this:

On our bit of street we have 2 families who never seem to do anything with their kids they are just playing out constantly

What's wrong with play? Why should anyone "do" anything? The lack of structure is implied.

Whiteshirt · 28/05/2015 11:30

Formerbabe was the poster who used the phrase 'chaotic homes', but the OP implicitly agreed when she said that her dd's friend's mother had been on drugs, and the daughter had played out a lot, and she did wonder what the mothers of the 'playing out' children were doing because they never showed their faces.

When I lived in London on a big main road in a very mixed area, lots of the local kids played out in the park at all hours of the day.

Momagain1 · 28/05/2015 11:30

Trufflehunter i see your point, and think that is OPs concern. That these children arent being sent out to play, they are just being sent out to get rid. Which is sad.

formerbabe · 28/05/2015 11:30

We live on a lovely middle class estate, high percentage of kids doing very well at school and onto Uni, low crime rate, lots of parental involvement etc etc

Well, the areas like that near me never have kids playing out.

The rough estate with the failing school however, kids always out. Some look as young as four! On their scooters in the middle of the road...I find it horrible actually. Why can't the parents go out with them to make sure they aren't in danger of being run over?! Or will it eat into their smoking/drinking/sitting on their arses time?!

Original poster
vodkanchocolate · 28/05/2015 11:30

Im not spying i dont have to theres a grassy area outside that they play on i know they are there.

My spelling maybe shoddy thanks. Sat on phone though and not the best typer :) thanks for pulling me up on that. May wait unil im home on pc to respond again.

My children do get lot of excersise btw like i said they do play out but we do tend to go out a lot we very rarely have time to be sat around at home eating crisps or whatever it is you picture us doing. And even if we are at home and the younger ones arent i the street i have a big back garden and i have the back door out they freely play out we have trampoline, swing,slides goal post etc thes usual garden toys so they are active

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/05/2015 11:30

Also, a significant proportion of obese people are people who would have been children in the 60/70/80's so I'm never sure why it's relevant.

It's relevant because there were very few obese children back then.

ppeatfruit · 28/05/2015 11:31

A good carer\ parent doesn't leave the dcs in front of a screen unsupervised ,and also doesn't leave them outside unsupervised all the time.

IMO BOTH of the above are not the right way to bring up dcs.

Feminine · 28/05/2015 11:32

I left London 10 years ago.

The kids all played outside till late, didn't get into trouble.

This was in the middle of quite a rough Estate...

Granted, the traffic flow was slow.

CrystalMcPistol · 28/05/2015 11:32

I feel sorry for kids who are only allowed out to play if a parent is there to keep watch. Children need space to be free from parental supervision. Becoming streetwise is a gradual process, not something that magically happens when a child reaches the age of 16.

BigChocFrenzy · 28/05/2015 11:33

It wasn't just the "great 70s and 80s" childhoods where playing outside was the norm. I played outside and roamed for miles with my friends in the 1950s and 60s - not after dark though.
In fact playing outside in daylight hours was the norm from year dot until about the 90s.

Indoors was boring before the electronic age, just 2 or 3 TV channels or board / bored games. And there weren't child-centred outings we could be taken to. A park with 1 scruffy swing was a major event, so we had much more fun on our own.
There were far fewer cars though, so traffic is now a reasonable concern.

I've lived in Germany recently and it was still the norm there for kids to play outside for hours; also kids are expected to make their own way to school from about the age of 6.

One really good idea we should borrow from them is the 20kph (12.5 mph) limits in many towns and areas with housing. Prioritise kids, not saving a few mins for motorists

balletnotlacrosse · 28/05/2015 11:33

But echt that's not the same as saying all children who play outside are from chaotic homes.
The poster was making the point that some children seem to be sent out onto the road early in the morning and are still out there late at night, every day of the week. I see children like that where I live. They are not just children out playing during the day with a happy gang of friends. They are children who seem to have no home to go to until late at night, because they are still out after their friends have gone home, either wandering aimlessly around, or hanging around with much older kids, or bored and causing trouble.
It's the parents of those children the OP was commenting on.

echt · 28/05/2015 11:35

My children do get lot of excersise btw like i said they do play out but we do tend to go out a lot we very rarely have time to be sat around at home eating crisps or whatever it is you picture us doing. And even if we are at home and the younger ones arent i the street i have a big back garden and i have the back door out they freely play out we have trampoline, swing,slides goal post etc thes usual garden toys so they are active

Good for you, OP. Perhaps the kids on the street don't have the fab back yard you have.

ilovesooty · 28/05/2015 11:36

So the OP isn't judging these families but she wonders what the mothers do all day and reckons that one of them is "on drugs"

Hmm
BigChocFrenzy · 28/05/2015 11:37

Most other urban areas only had 30kph, still only 18.6 mph

echt · 28/05/2015 11:37

Where does it say they have no home to go to?

Where have they caused trouble?

roundtable · 28/05/2015 11:38

No use being a non obese child if you're going to do it as an adult surely?

Plus there was not the mass array of high calorie snacks and getting a pizza delivered etc for dinner. Takeaways have a lot to answer for imo. It's much more affordable than it used to be.

Anyway, don't want to derail the thread. It's an interesting discussion.

I'm lucky as the Street I live on children don't tend to be out all day everyday and mostly rub along nicely so I can give my two short supervised bursts outside which will increase as they get older. Don't get me started on the playing football by the cars though... Grin

roundtable · 28/05/2015 11:41

They do play out a lot though I meant to say.

momb · 28/05/2015 11:41

YD would play out all the time if she could!
We live at the end of a cul de sac with three other families with similar aged children. My front lawn is a dance studio, circus ring, gym mat, beach, all sorts: we regularly have 8-10 children playing outside our house. Until 9pm too, as it's the holidays.
If it's nice at the weekend we'll set up the sprinkler and spray them all with water.

WorraLiberty · 28/05/2015 11:45

No use being a non obese child if you're going to do it as an adult surely?

Adults make adult choices though.

I'm 46 years old. If I became obese now, I could hardly blame my 83yr old Dad for it.

If I was one of the 1 in 3 obese primary school children today, that would be down to parenting.

chaletdays · 28/05/2015 11:45

Not sure why the OP is being given such a hard time.

There's a big difference between children out playing a lot with their friends, but being expected home for meals and at a reasonable time in the evenings; and children who are out all day every day, with parents who never come looking for them, never take them to the park or bring the to the shops with them and seem happy for them to be roaming around after dark often, as someone said, with gangs of older children.

I think it's pretty obvious which group the OP is talking about.

TheCrowFromBelow · 28/05/2015 11:46

ballet
There is a leaning on this thread towards "children who play out come from unhappy homes" and I'm quite comfortable with balancing that out. My 2 play out until 9pm some nights and we aren't drug dealers.

OP is making quote a few assumptions as well, but if she's correct no SINBU unreasonable to feel sorry for them but her post comes across more feeling judgy than feeling sorry.

Dreamiesrcatopium · 28/05/2015 11:49

We live in a cul de sac on a naice new build estate. The kids here play out all day, we don't have our own but are friendly with all our neighbours, and when our young niece is with us she plays out too! There are a group of about 12 kds aging from 5-12 and they play beautifully together.

During Wimbledon they had a tennis tournament, one family has a basketball hoop in the front garden which they all use, we overhead a Britains got Talent comp being taken ever so seriously last night. It's sweet. One or two of the Dads are often out playing football with them too.

I was always out playing as a child and hated being dragged away from my friends to go anywhere. Some v strange ideas on this thread.

echt · 28/05/2015 11:49

There's a big difference between children out playing a lot with their friends, but being expected home for meals and at a reasonable time in the evenings; and children who are out all day every day, with parents who never come looking for them, never take them to the park or bring the to the shops with them and seem happy for them to be roaming around after dark often, as someone said, with gangs of older children.

But it's all supposition.

Especially the bit about what another poster supposed: "gangs of older children" ??? How did that creep in?

Original poster
vodkanchocolate · 28/05/2015 11:50

Ok well agree to disagree alot of what ive said seems to have been twisted and seems im coming across as a busy body pampered parent. Well i can say now i am not rolling in money i save all term to have money for holidays we have one expensive trip per school holiday rest are parks and free things. We have a lot of friends with children so visiting them are also something we do alot. I dont know where my dd is half the time and recsntly started allowing her to the shops 2 streets away.

The woman i referred to as a possible drugs this is pretty much common knowledge and he kids have gone to grandparents i brought that up in regards to a comment made by a pp talking about kids constantly calling. Original post was not about her.

My point of posting was i feel sorry for them they seem happy playig to start with but can guarantee by tea time theyll be falling out fightig and starting to be mischievus. I know they get bored as numerous occasions theyve asked to ply with dd in the house as well as wantig to come park with us a number of times im happy to take them now and then but i end up with a group of kids im not doing it anymore. Couldnt even buy my kids an ice cream as they all expected to buy them one

OP posts:
chaletdays · 28/05/2015 11:51

Crow

There's a young boy aged about 8 where I live who always seems to be hanging around the roads, often just wearing a t-shirt on chilly days and often much later at night than the other 8 yr olds..

I have looked out the window a few times and thought 'poor thing. His parents seem a bit lacksadaisical'. Sorry if that makes me judgmental, but that is what I think.