to feel sorry for kids who are always playing out

[vodkanchocolate]

Probilly sounding very judgmental here. On our bit of street we have 2 families who never seem to do anything with their kids they are just playing out constantly I often wonder when they manage to go in for tea/dinner let alone baths, homework etc.

So yesterday dinner was time for us to go out go find my eldest dd who said why cant she play out with the others explained we are going to see an elderly relative whos about celebrate her 80th then we can call to the near by park this girl was listneing in and said thats laim fair enough not the most entertaining day for a 9 year old but the younger ones enjoyed themselves. Got back tea time and the bunch of same kids were still all i the street aged ranges from 4-12 and apparently one of the kids have said to my 2 eldest that Im stuck up and trying to stop them playing with the other kids. Why the hell would an 8 year old come out with that comment.

My kids do play out particully my 9 year old and never stopped her playing with anyone theres the odd incident where ill say think you best come away for a bit to avoid something.

Its same after school eve on a school night during summer months out until 9pm some nights wonder where the hell they find time to do stuff.

Sorry on phone today typing not very good.

I was a feral child. I still live in the rural community where I grew up and I hope ds turns feral too when old enough.

I firmly believe that children should learn to entertain themselves from time to time. I will not have him sat about the house glued to a screen as I am now nor am I willing to ferry him about on an endless myriad of diverse activities from dawn til dusk.

my neighbours probably won't think he comes from a broken home.

Sorry fiveacres I missed that.

Still imo there's nothing wrong with kids choosing to play in the street or even to 'roam' them, as long as they're not causing problems for anyone.

It's just a different choice (assuming they have a garden/local park to choose from).

I did wonder about the 'maine'!

The age of some that play out alone shocks me

What age shocks you? I know mothers who are shocked when a 10 year old plays out.
Mine played out most of the day when they were 7 or 8 onwards.
It wasn't because it was easier or quieter for me, it was because they wanted to play out and have fun. I would have liked them to spend some time with me but they had more fun outdoors. They came back for lunch but often they would moan and say they were not hungry, and had to be made to come in to eat.

I wish mine could play out a bit but there is nowhere safe here for them to play. For those that like to go out every day in the hols I don't know how people afford some of these things, I have friends that are at a farm one day and a zoo the next and I just wouldn't have the funds for this sadly :( xx

Yes agree to be honest.

Definitely have children round in garden (take it in turns) and perhaps go to park when they're older and have a mobile phone (when I was little there were at least a dozen doors I could have banged on before my house to get help; not so nowadays, hence mobile phone). But street is just not safe. Even a car going at 10mph can cause nasty injuries if a child jumps out between trees or cars.

I was let out in the street to play, but that's a sign of the times and I wouldn't hold that up as an ideal now. Lots of things were let slide with children and parenting back in the 70's and 80's. I'm also a lot closer to my son than my parents were with me, because we do more together. I'm interested in taking him to the park with friends, swimming, library, to visit people etc.

I could never afford days out or trips either,..The holidays cost me nothing at all apart from extra washing.
Given the choice of a trip to a theme park or building a den with his mates, My DS would have chosen the den building every time.

I live in London formerbabe and agree entirely with you. It's just not done here. Kids get taken out to the park and there is always an adult around. Not helicoptering, but available and I think this is best. Children playing on the street is an anomaly and I would wonder what their parents were thinking in allowing it?

I also am irritated by these golden tinted memories of playing out and this idea that it's necessary for children to develop and grow independent, deal with conflict etc. My memories of playing out just meant even more exposure to the Queen Bees and bullies I had to de with at school, but it was worse because there was no adult supervision providing a certain amount of control of the situation. I find it strange that we emphasise how important it is to instil good values and behaviour into our children but then leave them to go to town on each other when playing out endlessly. I am not saying this isn't a place for it but personally I was ruthlessly bullied, I know of someone who was sexually assaulted in front of an entire group of howling peers. Not many golden memories for us and I don't think we were particularly unlucky either, those kind of things happened quite a bit.

Nicki

Absolutely.

redsolo I use Pinterest for inspiration. My DS loved frozen dinosaur eggs and melting them slowly, there's loads of cheap stuff like that you can while away an afternoon on.

He loves to scoot along in the park and go on the swings, sometimes we have ice cream if it's warm enough to sit, we go swimming (admittedly we are members though), we take it in turns having friends round and then going back to theirs, we bake, make playdoh, we made a slip n slide in our back garden, my friend put a slide going into a shallowish paddling pool so the water was always warm (you can get both those things either cheap on sale or on selling sites) which I thought was a really good idea, there's usually Facebook groups with free or very cheap things to do in your area over the summer which are great, in the holidays you can do a twice weekly trip to the library and then build a den in the house or garden to read the books together, maybe choose a cake at a bakery on one trip...

My son loves all this stuff and it's all cheap or free. It's not that I'm being tight, but going out every day soon adds up and there's a myth that they need to be paid activities.

Besides; you don't know if your friends got the tickets cheap, or had them bought for them, or they did overtime a few months back to get some money in reserve for it. DH and I are quite high earners, but we do a couple of days overtime in July to pay for the 6 week summer holidays.

Sorry, thread derail!

Why be irritated by other people's 'golden tinted' memories just because they're different to to yours? I was never bullied or assaulted. I had a great time.

My dd plays out until the evening if others are about, I can definitely pick her out of a line up and am happy that she is outside rather then under my wing the whole time. Ds was the same and is an incredibly independent teenager.

nicki I suppose we all parent with half an eye on the way our own childhoods panned out.

fascinating reading.

Crystal - the insistence that 'those days' were a utopia for children, filled with sunshine and laughter and fun doesn't irritate me insofar as I feel it is nice others had a pleasant childhood. What is concerning is the assumption that as a result, 'playing out' is the idyllic childhood.

Nicki, myself and others are pointing out that it wasn't and isn't. Those who experienced the memories described in the paragraph above are fortunate, but children out for long periods of time unsupervised are vulnerable to a great deal of harm - from traffic, from adults and from one another, sadly.

Haven't RTWT (sorry, don't have time) but i remember reading some interesting research that suggested lots of time spend playing unsupervised outdoors is crucial for kids' social development, emotional resilience, fostering a much better understanding of the world and their role within it.

The research made a link between the demise of this kind of experience and mental health problems in later life.

Can't remember the specifics, but an interesting position.

LaurieMarlow I have read that too - it was also the subject of a documentary.

Of course children playing outdoors can encounter danger but you can't live in fear all the time. Keeping children supervised and wrapped up all the time is harmful in other ways. I think there is too much paranoia where childrens safety is concerned. We pass our fears on to our children and many of these fears are out of all proportion.
Most children who get hurt get hurt in the home and by people they know. The odds of a stranger hurting them outdoors is tiny.
I think many people can't bear the worry so to keep themselves happy, they restrict their children
Being a parent isn't about all the joys - you have to suck up the fears and the pains too

fiveacres I think you're the only person who's mentioned the word 'utopia'. Other people have just been recounting their experiences, some perhaps through rose tinted glasses. But I see you've mentioned above that you never allow your children to play outside unless it's in the back garden.

Do you live in a particularly dangerous area? Is there much heavy traffic?

When do you think your children be old enough to leave the house by themselves? And what happens to the child who's only known constant supervision when they reach 13 or 14 and demand the reins be slackened?

Well you have playing out and playing out.
Playing out until way past their bedtime and still being out in the street at 8.00pm for a 7~8yo is too much imo. There is a need for children to go back to base camp at some point in the day. So no I wouldn't be happy for my dcs to do that day in day out.

Playing out in the street with friends for most of the day, I have really less issue with.

What I judge is the 4yo who is left on his own outside and is coming knock on my door to see if someone wants to play with him (even though he doesn't know me or my dcs).
Its the one who is out in socks/pjs and no shoes on.
The one who doesn't have a coat in winter etc..
The ones that are clearly enjoying themselves and happy. Well, let them enjoy their childhood!

Re activities. to be really honest, taking the dcs to see an elderly relative is an activity for the adult. It helps them if the dcs are coming, the dcs migt learn how to behave in compay of elderly people, they will get to see said relative. But in the eyes of the child, compare to being outside playing with friends, there is really no photo!
And Yes taking them to the museum, activities etc IS nice. But I found that my two dcs have now to learn how to entertain themselves and 'be outside all day long' is a very good way for them to learn independence, how to amuse themselves and how to deal with situations (eg older child being annoying) that they wouldn't otherwise be in.
I certainly wouldn't put activities and museums well above playing out as being 'better' activities for the dcs. (and the parents who don't do that are lazy etc...)

Crystal - no; I don't allow them to play on the street :)

Garden is fine, mine or someone else's. Fields are fine. Woods are fine. Parks are fine. The beach is fine.

For all those, I am not hovering over children but am within 'shouting distance.'

Roads, the street, roaming around unsupervised, is not fine, for my children at any rate.

fiveacres Exactly,..I agree,..How do they cope unsupervised when they have to?
A parents job is to prepare a child for adulthood,..and that means letting go bit by bit as they grow. Not having them tied to you and then releasing them aged 18.

I think many people can't bear the worry so to keep themselves happy, they restrict their children
Being a parent isn't about all the joys - you have to suck up the fears and the pains too

So true. It's sad to think of people limiting their kids' childhoods because they allow their fear to dominate.

This week we have taken the kids here there and everywhere but they adore 'playing out' with their little gang.

What do I remember from my childhood playing out with my little gang. Throwing balls about running about being a bit mental.

I feel so sorry for children that aren't allowed that freedom and fun.

we have 3-11 yr olds out way past 8pm in the summer here. mine are 8 & 6 and I don't haul them in until everyone is getting tired and naturally winding down.

The rest of the time I like a routine, but not at the expense of sunshine and fresh air and a tidy house.

Yes, but I disagree that chucking children out in packs to roam the street is a great preparation for adulthood

I talk to mine. I show them things. I take them to safe places where they can run and play and explore without dangers from traffic.

Independence is not standing on a street with your peers at eight years old.

nicki, the thing is, some people see thngs from rose teinted glasses or they actually have had a great time being out playing! Others are actually more cautious because their memories of being outside isn't great at all (like yourself).

But serioulsy it doesn't mean that all children need to be out playing from dawn to dusk. Nor does it mean that they should all be surpervised all the time.

Where you live has an impact (or you can chose to follow the 'rules' as I do). Your experiences have an impact. Which children are around, how your dcs are etc...

But a balance between it all is surely what is to be aimed for?
Wonders what you would think about my 9yo doing some orienteering on his own and having to find his way in the countryside