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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel sorry for kids who are always playing out

355 replies

vodkanchocolate · 28/05/2015 10:30

Probilly sounding very judgmental here. On our bit of street we have 2 families who never seem to do anything with their kids they are just playing out constantly I often wonder when they manage to go in for tea/dinner let alone baths, homework etc.

So yesterday dinner was time for us to go out go find my eldest dd who said why cant she play out with the others explained we are going to see an elderly relative whos about celebrate her 80th then we can call to the near by park this girl was listneing in and said thats laim fair enough not the most entertaining day for a 9 year old but the younger ones enjoyed themselves. Got back tea time and the bunch of same kids were still all i the street aged ranges from 4-12 and apparently one of the kids have said to my 2 eldest that Im stuck up and trying to stop them playing with the other kids. Why the hell would an 8 year old come out with that comment.

My kids do play out particully my 9 year old and never stopped her playing with anyone theres the odd incident where ill say think you best come away for a bit to avoid something.

Its same after school eve on a school night during summer months out until 9pm some nights wonder where the hell they find time to do stuff.

Sorry on phone today typing not very good.

OP posts:

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 28/05/2015 11:18

I agree with pp who said that they wished people would stop romanticising the past. When being flashed was just one of those things; when Uncle Knobhead was just a 'bit of a perv' and was free to letch and leer at teenage girls out and so on.

No one is romanticising the past. Here's an interesting fact, though: in 1980 there were zero instances of type 2 diabetes in children. That's why it was called "adult onset" diabetes. They had to change the name.

Whiteshirt · 28/05/2015 11:18

Gosh, there's a lot of lower-middle-class angst on this thread. OP, I'm having difficulty stopping myself seeing you with binoculars behind your lace curtains checking whether the neighbours' children go into the house for their homework.

That's pretty depressing, the fact that people think that only children from 'chaotic' backgrounds roam freely, and that the socially OK children are kept primarily in 'private space' (house, car or garden) or taken on outings.

I live in a village, and all children (including the vicar's, local GP's and the local MP's assorted offspring) over the age of about eight are virtually always roaming around the playground/green/football field/one another's streets, in a series of bike/scooter/foot gangs, scheming and playing games. In all weathers. If we're still living here when he's that age, I'll be delighted for my son to join in.

Athenaviolet · 28/05/2015 11:18

Playing out is better for DCs than being in on the x box.

Most DCs now aren't getting enough unsupervised outdoor free play anymore which is causing huge psychological and physical health problems.

It can go too far the other way eg if anti social behaviour becomes an issue but that is only a tiny minority and should be used as an excuse to judge all DCs/parents.

morethanpotatoprints · 28/05/2015 11:19

children playing out are from chaotic homes.
I've heard it all now.

There aren't many kids round here and close to a main road, but have the park really close, so mine have always gone to park either supervised or with friends.

It's good for kids to be bored, to have to manage their own time, use imagination, sort out some things for themselves.

Feminine · 28/05/2015 11:21

Also, it is really, really expensive to take kids on day trips and holidays.
Lots of us stay home as it is cheaper!

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 28/05/2015 11:21

Anyone else live in London? Kids do not play out on normal roads ever! You never see it. We don't all live in rural idylls where kids can run free in fields of wheat and pick berries! So yes, round here the only kids who play out are those whose parents don't give a shit.

I live in London. We simply don't have a critical mass of kids on the street.

peggyundercrackers · 28/05/2015 11:21

I don't see an issue with kids being out all day - its what we done when we were younger. going round museums, or being pulled out to relatives we didn't really know well or whatever else was always boring - outside play with friends was always the best and I have a lot of happy memories from those days.

you may think the kids enjoy it but I would bet they prefer out playing with their friends.

MrsNextDoor · 28/05/2015 11:22

Some families don't have the cash to take their children out OP.

I spent most of my childhood playing out. YABU and very judgmental.

MurielWoods · 28/05/2015 11:23

I think nowadays the only children who play out are those from chaotic homes

What? You have got to be joking!

We live on a lovely middle class estate, high percentage of kids doing very well at school and onto Uni, low crime rate, lots of parental involvement etc etc.

Kids are playing out here ALL the time. It's what kids do!

zzzzz · 28/05/2015 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Feminine · 28/05/2015 11:23

op You are judging then.

balletnotlacrosse · 28/05/2015 11:24

Maybe I missed it, but could someone point out to me where the OP used the word chaotic?

Or where she expressed disapproval of children being allowed to play outside together?

formerbabe · 28/05/2015 11:24

My DC aren't cooped up indoors though. They go to the park and meet up with friends. The only difference is I'm sitting there on a bench with a coffee and mag watching them. Biggest danger imo is cars.

fiveacres · 28/05/2015 11:25

Obesity is more likely to be prevalent in homes where poverty is prominent rather in more salubrious areas, so I am uncertain if that as a hail back to the past works particularly well.

Not wanting our children to spend the day charging around streets with a pack of similarly aged children and feeling as such they are having an idyllic childhood doesn't mean they are preserved in a box. My son plays rugby, skis, ice skates and can muck out a pony as well as I can. He also does 'play out' but with limits on when and where he can go. I don't mind an hour at the park; I will not permit five hours in the street. Nor would he want that.

trufflehunterthebadger · 28/05/2015 11:25

scenario 1 is children being allowed to play outside in a safe and quiet road when they want to when the parents are nearby in case of need (the way dh and bil/sil were brought up)

Scenario 2 is children being told to "fuck off out of this house and don't let me see you until it's dark" which is how my cousin treated her two eldest children. It was part of a bigger picture of her disinterested, neglectful treatment of them.

There is a big difference between the two although imho, apart from the safety aspect, it's better in my opinion than dumping them in front of the telly or computer games all day. At least they are getting fresh air and exercise playing out. Neglectful/"ignoring" parenting isn't confined to "poor people"

MurielWoods · 28/05/2015 11:25

Actually my last post was a bit shite!

The fact that this is a middle class estate has nothing to do with it. I grew up on a very impoverished estate when I was little and we also played out all the time. Our parents were fab, supervised us when needed and everyone looked out for each others kids.

I feel very sorry for todays generation of children

3luckystars · 28/05/2015 11:26

Formerbabe I think you are right, London is a different story and you live there so know what you are talking about.

My kids love playing out but I stay out watching them. There are families that don't and everywhere is different so I suppose we should all do what suits us.

TheMoa · 28/05/2015 11:26

It really depends on where you live.

In my PIL's small village, there are children out on their own all the time, they know practically everyone, and there is never any trouble. We are happy for our children to join them.

We used to live on an 'estate' in the SE - all detached houses, but gangs of kids hanging around near shops, and a slightly rough atmosphere. The children who were out all the time, knocking on neighbour's doors, kicking balls in the parking area to attract people's attention etc. were trouble.

Most parents who gave a damn kept their children occupied, invited friends round, enrolled in sports/summer camps, took day trips etc, and avoided the street kids. They didn't let their 3 year old run the streets hoping a passing 14 year old would keep an eye on them.

Where we live now, no one plays out, but we will take the children and friends to the beach/woods/wildlife trust places and let them spend the day running wild away from us.

Momagain1 · 28/05/2015 11:26

I think some of you are missing the point. It isnt that the other children are playing out, it is that they never seem to go in. They dont seem to have anytime spent indoors doing homework or having their meals. They are out at times most schoolchildren are in, getting ready for bed if not already in bed. There is such a thing as being out too much. Being out late once in a while is one thing, but every night?

Feminine · 28/05/2015 11:26

Yes, babe the car aspect is always a concern.
I thought the children in question play outside her house/estate.

Whiskwarrior · 28/05/2015 11:26

Yes, ballet, I realise now that the OP wasn't the one who first came up with the chaotic homes crap, so I apologise for my comment on writing skills.

I stand by the rest of it though.

And my kids have lovely manners, thanks.

WorraLiberty · 28/05/2015 11:26

I live in a London borough and yes kids do play out on normal roads. They also play on the amenity greens at the end of the majority of normal roads here and in the parks.

roundtable · 28/05/2015 11:27

I didn't realise type 2 diabetes was exercise related, I thought it was to do with diet. Happy to be corrected though.

No good playing out all day if you've got a bag full of crap and then you go home and eat more junk. About 1/4 of the children that play out near me I would class as morbidly obese but anecdote doesn't equal data.

Also, a significant proportion of obese people are people who would have been children in the 60/70/80's so I'm never sure why it's relevant.

Anyway, the thread wasn't about obesity but about playing out on the street all day every day.

It must vary as to where you live as well. I'd imagine it's much easier to play out if you live rurally than inner city?

addicted2cake · 28/05/2015 11:28

My ds is playing out right now! Practising his skateboard skills with his friend. One of the reason we bought this house was because there's a large green nearby, it's in a cup-de-sac and lovely for the children to play out.
I love them playing out, can't see a problem with it!
This afternoon I will take them swimming, after we get back I can bet they will be playing out again!
Childhood isn't forever - put your judgey pant away and let the parents decide what's best for their children, we are all different after all.

balletnotlacrosse · 28/05/2015 11:29

Exactly Momagain.

I think some posters are on a rollercoaster now and can't be bothered to actually read and digest what the OP actually said, which is exactly as you summarised.

Classic case of an OP being flamed by posters deliberately twisting her words.

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