to feel sorry for kids who are always playing out

[vodkanchocolate]

Probilly sounding very judgmental here. On our bit of street we have 2 families who never seem to do anything with their kids they are just playing out constantly I often wonder when they manage to go in for tea/dinner let alone baths, homework etc.

So yesterday dinner was time for us to go out go find my eldest dd who said why cant she play out with the others explained we are going to see an elderly relative whos about celebrate her 80th then we can call to the near by park this girl was listneing in and said thats laim fair enough not the most entertaining day for a 9 year old but the younger ones enjoyed themselves. Got back tea time and the bunch of same kids were still all i the street aged ranges from 4-12 and apparently one of the kids have said to my 2 eldest that Im stuck up and trying to stop them playing with the other kids. Why the hell would an 8 year old come out with that comment.

My kids do play out particully my 9 year old and never stopped her playing with anyone theres the odd incident where ill say think you best come away for a bit to avoid something.

Its same after school eve on a school night during summer months out until 9pm some nights wonder where the hell they find time to do stuff.

Sorry on phone today typing not very good.

I agree crow
It is so much more than just 'playing out' isn't it?
They all do it here, but we live in a village where time has stood still.
In op 's post she seems to hint at more than playing outside all day (as a problem)

Kids playing out in the fresh air and creating their own entertainment, dawn till dusk in the school holidays!!!!

Perish the thought.

Are some of you for real?

Kids playing out are from chaotic homes???

Yes nowadays that's what I observe. It was very normal decades ago...but now the only children I see doing this come from troubled backgrounds...I live in London though so can't comment on families who live rurally. It may be completely different.

Can't see the problem.

This is how all (but one) kids played in my day.

It sounds quite idyllic to me but then hardly any kids play out in my area - I wish mine had done it more. When I was a kid I was seldom indoors - and we used to wander miles on our own, with our parents completely oblivious. Now it seems like neglect - in the 70s it was standard.

Maybe being so young, the child used the phrase 'stuck up' instead of judgemental?

I would agree with judgemental.

Different stokes etc

former I grew up in a country village, we were never in the house.

I recall going up the woods with friends at about 9 years old, we would pick brambles and watch the trains.(track and bridge through the woodland) I wouldn't allow my kids to do that now but only because I don't live there anymore and don't know the people there.

There are a few kids who play out on our road, its a cul-de-sac no through road and the gardens are all open plan, they usually play across 2 of the gardens - I heard them singing and skipping last night (aww)

that however is different to all day every day come rain or shine, you cannot speculate if you don't know whats going on. and i know some kids would rather be out even in the rain if it meant not sitting in the front room watching coronation street ha. I don't see an issue with kids playing out, but I do see an issue with them not being cared for properly.

Why would a child be justified in calling the OP 'judgmental' because she wanted her daughter to go on a family visit instead of playing out on the street with her friends?

We played out a lot when I was a child, but we were also expected to visit relatives or were taken on trips to the park, cinema etc by our parents who liked to spend some time with us.
And we weren't left roaming the streets when all our friends had gone home for their tea.

My children love playing out, sometimes to my annoyance! I have to keep watching them, the youngest is only 4 so I stay out if she is out playing.
Some days I pray for rain so that we can do something else, the door I constantly ringing it drives me MAD!

but as I said, they love playing out, there is a big group of kids, the play football and shooting and cycle their bikes for hours,.they love it and really like each other and are all in school together.

Sorry for the long winded post, but my mother and father both worked.long hours and I always appreciated being near home growing up, now I work and so does my husband so I don't want to be bringing the children to loads of activities, if they want to stay near home, that is fine by me.

Kids playing out now are from chaotic homes?

YABU and quite rude. My older two used to play out with their friends all the time before we moved house. They were, and are, polite, friendly , helpful kids who were never a nuisance and we certainly aren't a chaotic family, thanks very much.

And my kids have MUCH better written English than you, OP, maybe you should spend a little more time at home working on that, rather than going online and sneering at other families.

But then, what do I know? I come from one of those chaotic families myself. Bane of the neighbourhood we were.

My DS loves playing out, although me and some of the other parents are still out supervising - kids are 5/6/7 and there is some traffic where we are. I love seeing them all out playing. There is one child though who is 5 and his mum never comes out to supervise, she is friendly enough but obviously trusts him not to get into diffs.

As long as there is a mix of playing out and family stuff i think it's ok.

I don't get the whole playing out thing! I never did it, my DC don't. I don't see children in my road doing it.

Bonkers.

I think nowadays the only children who play out are those from chaotic homes.

Extra bloody bonkers.

I wonder what planet some of you are from! My DCs play out all day when they get the chance - which is most days in the holidays. This holiday they and about 5-10 other children have been making a den, then they made a rope swing. They come in when they are hungry and have a sandwich and then go out again. Other days we have a family day out but they enjoy playing out and I'm certainly not going to stop them playing out only to stay in and watch TV or whatever.
They both have homework to do, they know they have to do it, we've still got three days left of the holidays and I'll be getting them to do it on Sunday afternoon if it's not done by then. Nothing chaotic about it, just children relaxing and having fun.

I think that this is all about balance. children need to be able to play outside unsupervised within limits (obviously as parents we assess the risks regarding the particular environment). They need to socialise with other children and to negotiate those relationships (and make the inevitable mistakes). They also need to mix with a children from a variety of backgrounds.
They ALSO need time to play indoors. I tend to gather mine in and get them to play indoors quietly as a way to relax before bedtime.
I certainly don't force mine to go outside, but if they chose to, and don't make nuisances of themselves, then I'm glad that they are enjoying the freedom to do just that.

There are some kids where I live who are out in all weathers, cold, dark, winter nights, no coats, till 9/10pm.
This includes 7 years and their younger siblings.
We have had a child call Christmas Day too. At lunchtime.
I asked where parents were and she shrugged (I believe they are well known for hardly being around).
(she came in and had lunch with us, which wasn't the solution but at least she was fed and warm that day).

We live on a busy road so hard for my kids to play out whilst young and they are too shy to do it now, which I am sad about (it would only be for an hour or so in good weather and daylight though!).

I constantly played out as a child, by choice shock . I bitterly regret that where I live means my children can't.

So, YABMASSIVELYU

Yes. Mine are 12 and 9 and I am still intensively involved in organising their activities i.e. if I don't organise them, they're at home. I am so fed up, I hate this part of modern life. I should have some small measure of "freedom" since they are no longer very small children, but I don't get it.

Haha @ 'chaotic homes'!

No wonder kids are so molly coddled these days, and don't even start me on how many kids have weight issues.

Bonkers doesn't even touch it.

whisk the OP didn't say the children came from chaotic families. That was another poster.

And your comments about written English are incredibly rude. I hope, as well as their superior writing skills, your children have better manners than their mother.

I think the op and poster that commented on chaotic home lives aren't talking about children that play out from time to time mixed with other activities but the ones that are out from dawn to dark everyday.

I agree with pp who said that they wished people would stop romanticising the past. When being flashed was just one of those things; when Uncle Knobhead was just a 'bit of a perv' and was free to letch and leer at teenage girls out and so on.

I'm all for children playing out by themselves and having freedom but every day is totally different.

My concern with this covers several areas, really.

Firstly, I do think many parents - not necessarily the ones on this thread - can use 'playing out' as a way of getting children out from under their feet: in other words, it is about what is best for the adult(s) and not the children. We've all had moments where we just need to get rid of them but not all day every day.

I do feel that children lacking adult supervision entirely do often get quite beligerent and manipulative with one another. I don't mean anything as extreme as Lord of the Flies but anyone observing primary aged children together or have memories from their own years must surely remember bullying, manipulation, name calling, physical aggression? I remember at about 9 having a 'friend' who had a number of 'games' - one was 'let's pretend we have fallen out and see what sue everyone else takes!' I stood there with a group of other kids aged between 7 and 11 and I'm sure it just looked like we were chatting - I was being crucified verbally! Left to their own devices children are brutal.

And it is dangerous. I'm sure some smug Mumsnetter with superior intelligence to me will give a tinkly little laugh at my idiocy at seeing a 'paedophile round every corner' - because I feel letting groups of children roam around is dangerous, I must have read the News of the World and I probably even don't know the difference between a paediatrician and a paedophile! Silly me! Well, I had an elderly man stick his tongue down my throat and shoved a finger into my private parts when I was about the same age my eldest is now and so while thank you I do know there is not a paedophile around every corner it makes little difference or of little comfort when it is YOUR precious child who has been hurt and harmed and humiliated, doesn't it? Same is true if your child is knocked down by a car.

So yes, I feel it is neglectful and lazy parenting -if you can call it that.

YABU PEOPLE

Anyone else live in London? Kids do not play out on normal roads ever! You never see it. We don't all live in rural idylls where kids can run free in fields of wheat and pick berries! So yes, round here the only kids who play out are those whose parents don't give a shit.

Where we live it's the way you describe OP.

There's one or two families who chuck the kids out in all weathers so they can smoke dope and threaten to punch each other in peace.

Sadly, this vastly inhibits the freedom of the "normal" kids as they roam about trespassing and causing trouble.

I'd call you stuck up or judgemental too. Or even a paranoid helicopter parent.

I'm never happier that when DD is playing out. It means she's running round, getting exercise, getting fresh air, learning to play with others, settling disputes, looking after younger kids, learning from older kids, using her imagination, learning classic and new games, playing in a team and most of all having fun.

When I go out to bring her in, for tea or for the night she asks to stay out longer, and her friends ask if she can stay out too. As the nights get shorter she'll stay out longer, but in the winter unfortunately she has to come in earlier - I solved that by letting her bring her friends in - we have a garden 'den' and a playroom.

She's having a briliant childhood. Chaotic homes my arse.

Well im sorry not going to appologise for feeling way i do. Ive nothing against playing out but seriously these kids from certian 2 families seem very bored. Im not gonna sit here judging their homelife but way i see it they are just left to their own devises for upto 12 hours a day sometimes.

I want my children to have best of both i remember having some great times playing out on my estate unfortunately my mum was very strict and was only the odd hour here and there got to play out, i dont want that for them and do understand especially my 9 year old needs to start been bit more independant but i have 4 younger ones (2 with sn) and i find it benefits them more to be out and about. My 7 year old isnt very good in social situations he plays out in small doses but only certain children are there we go online and choose where out next "adventure" will be and i find it benefits them more.

I mean we have a good circle of friends we visit them and the kids will all play out or go to parks etc together they arenot missing out on mixing.