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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my part of the inheritance?

167 replies

nearlyhadenough · 26/05/2015 15:03

This is causing a bit of an issue - would like to hear opinions....

My parents divorced when I was about 7/8 as my dad had an affair. He went on to marry the other woman and have 2 children, who, as an only child previously, I was overjoyed to have!

We have all got on reasonably well over the 35 years that have passed. My dad died 3 months ago. One month later his dad (my grandad died).

My grandad left a will - my dads share is to be shared between myself, my brother and my sister.

My brother and sister think that the settlement should have been given to their mum (my stepmum) and they have stated that they will give any money to her - and have (without directly saying so) implied that I should follow suit.

I disagree with this - I see it as ; I lost my dad when I was 7/8 and as my mum struggled to keep us when he didn't pay maintenance (he had a second family to keep) that I missed out on many things that my brother and sister were given - horses, holidays, tutors etc., that this is now a small amount of money for me to use for something special.

Am I being unreasonable/selfish?

OP posts:
CitySnicker · 26/05/2015 21:03

Yes. I thought children always got a share....maybe depends on the amount being left though. Sounds dodgy.

HawthornLantern · 26/05/2015 21:05

I see I've cross posted with some people.

To be honest, I thought intestacy was much more complex than the UK Gov link suggested - my Dad died in 2011 and I was very grateful to have a will to tell me what he wanted.

I wonder if the laws have been updated recently?

Anyway, this is the link and you can work through it with your own details.

UK GOV link

Bogeyface · 26/05/2015 21:06

It depends how much he left but if his total estate was over £250,000 then...

The husband, wife or civil partner keeps all the assets (including property), up to £250,000, and all the personal possessions, whatever their value.

The remainder of the estate will be shared as follows:

the husband, wife or civil partner gets an absolute interest in half of the remainder
the other half is then divided equally between the surviving children

If a son or daughter (or other child where the deceased had a parental role) has already died, their children will inherit in their place.

So....if he died leaving a total estate of say £500,000 then Step mother would inherit half outright, £250,00 and half of the remainder so £125,00. The remaining £125,000 will be split between any children of the deceased, so you your brother and sister.

If they owned property outright then there is a good chance that with his half of any savings etc, his estate was over £250,000 and they are trying to rinse you of you share of that, AND your share of your grandfathers money.

NameChange30 · 26/05/2015 21:09

Sorry for your loss OP.

  1. You should keep the money from your GF's will and tell your spoilt half-siblings to fuck off
  2. You should get legal advice (free half hour consultation with a solicitor) about the inheritance from your father.

Your father was unreasonable to a) have an affair b) not pay any child maintenance to your mother or support you financially, and c) not make a will leaving you some money.

You are most definitely completely not being unreasonable in any way shape or form.

IDontDoIroning · 26/05/2015 21:14

Actually if your df didn't leave a will and ion accordance with the intestacy laws if are in England or Wales and his estate was over a £250k she only should get half and the balance is shared between the children.

DayLillie · 26/05/2015 21:15

If they owned property outright, it is probable that they owned it as joint tenants, so it would fall outside the Estate and revert directly to the step mother.

ZenNudist · 26/05/2015 21:16

Poor you, totally agree with PP that say you should get legal advice re inheritance from your dad. And keep what is rightfully yours from your dgf.

It's not worth getting bitter about his failure to provide for you but can you make some sharply worded comment about the 'implying' that's going on. Something about if they are looking to create a family rift they are going the right way about it and they need to have more empathy about your situation as it's not all about their family unit.

MrsDeVere · 26/05/2015 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DayLillie · 26/05/2015 21:19

Life insurance usually falls outside the estate too, so it probably only comprised of his half share of bank accounts and any he had in his own name, or shares.

Really, morally they should have offered OP a small sum to remember her father by, since he failed to leave a Will, but instead are making PA moves on her inheritance from GF. Not nice.

maddening · 26/05/2015 21:20

She wasn't married to your grandad - you should have seen some of your fathers estate but his widow will have most of this and is unlikely to pass you any of her estate - your dgd's will States you should inherit this position of his estate, ignore your half siblings .

morethanpotatoprints · 26/05/2015 21:29

YANBU a will is what the person wanted, its as plain as that.
Another way of looking at it is do you want to go against this will.
Keep your inheritance and put it to good use for yourself. Thanks

expatinscotland · 26/05/2015 21:36

Don't put up with their bullying bullshit, nearly. Fuck them. She is not your mother. Your grandfather left it to you.

VivaLeBeaver · 26/05/2015 21:42

If anyone has lost out on any inheritance it's you. ,you're unlikely to ever see a penny of what was your dads money, house, etc. when your step mum dies your brother and sister will get the lot.

When my dad died he split his will equally between me, my brother and his wife (my step mum).

canyou · 26/05/2015 21:43

Nearly Iam in Ireland bu tbh our laws are not very different so my story is
My DDad died last year without a will, as a result 1/3 of the estate went to us his DC to be divided the rest went to our DM We had to legally sign our share to our mother I would in your shoes get legal advice tbh.

maddening · 26/05/2015 22:03

ps have you checked out whether you are entitled to any of df estate? As pp suggested if it values over £250k then you are entitled to a third of half of the estate?

Fluffcake · 26/05/2015 22:06

YANBU. Keep and enjoy. Who's to say that your step mother will leave you anything when she dies. Plus it was your dad's responsibility to make provisions for her not your granddad's.

firesidechat · 26/05/2015 22:20

Your sister and brother are being very unreasonable.

I am very fond of my son in law, but if my daughter were to die before us her share will go to our grandchildren, not our sil. As far as I know this is pretty standard in most wills.

FlabulousChix · 26/05/2015 22:30

Keep the money and find out how much your fathers estate was worth you might have been fleeced

OVienna · 26/05/2015 22:46

Yadnbu
I am so cross for you. How dare they.
Mumsnet Mob. We're on our way.

WineIsMyMainVice · 26/05/2015 23:02

Yanbu.!!!!!!!!!!! It's yours. Don't let them bully you out of it.

Sorry for your loss.

Andrewofgg · 26/05/2015 23:16

YANBU. The will says what it says and does what it does. They would have no grievance if he'd left the whole lot to you. Or to the cats' home.

Just say politely that that you will be taking your share and refuse to discuss it further.

bettyboop1975 · 26/05/2015 23:42

No your not being unreasonable or selfish, the inheritance is rightfully yours, had your father still been alive on when his father died it would have gone to your father but as your father had already passed away then it goes to his children so take it and enjoy it, just out of interest did your step mum receive all of your fathers estate?? Or was it handed over to your mother your fathers first wife ? I think not!!! So if your half siblings want to go down that road remind them of that!

zipzap · 27/05/2015 00:19

Are you very sure that your df left no will - he could have done and if he'd left money to you that your sm didn't want to hand over, she could have just said that he died intestate to ensure she got as much as possible...

There's a good chance that even if your dh hadn't died before your gf that he would have left a third to you and two thirds to your dad - do you know timings to know if he had time to update will after your dad died?

Agree that you should definitely keep your share and point out nicely that you're not likely to receive anything from your dad as your step mum has it all and you can't see her leaving anything to you or your half sibs cutting you in on anything they get left.

We had a situation similar to this when my ddad died - my uncle was firmly of the impression that what was ours was family's to be shared equally whereas what was illegally taken by him his was his to be kept for his dc alone Angry. What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine... grrrr.

It's not the money amount that's the kick in the teeth (although there's no denying that it helps!) but the thought that you're being treated so unfairly and manipulated by others for their own gain whilst being spun a line that they are being the munificent ones and trying to make you feel guilty and that you should be giving them more when actually it's the other way round.

Keep strong and keep hold of your gf's inheritance to do whatever you want with, not shore up your stepmum!

LeoandBoosmum · 27/05/2015 00:22

What they do with their share is up to them, just as it's up to you what you do with yours! Plus, she's their mum, not yours... Why should you be obligated to give their mother money? Please, have no qualms about taking what's rightfully yours.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 27/05/2015 00:25

If your grandfather had wanted to leave his money to her he would have written it in his will. He didn't.

Honour your grandfather's wishes and ignore your siblings.