To keep my part of the inheritance?

[nearlyhadenough]

This is causing a bit of an issue - would like to hear opinions....

My parents divorced when I was about 7/8 as my dad had an affair. He went on to marry the other woman and have 2 children, who, as an only child previously, I was overjoyed to have!

We have all got on reasonably well over the 35 years that have passed. My dad died 3 months ago. One month later his dad (my grandad died).

My grandad left a will - my dads share is to be shared between myself, my brother and my sister.

My brother and sister think that the settlement should have been given to their mum (my stepmum) and they have stated that they will give any money to her - and have (without directly saying so) implied that I should follow suit.

I disagree with this - I see it as ; I lost my dad when I was 7/8 and as my mum struggled to keep us when he didn't pay maintenance (he had a second family to keep) that I missed out on many things that my brother and sister were given - horses, holidays, tutors etc., that this is now a small amount of money for me to use for something special.

Am I being unreasonable/selfish?

Big fat no.

Your half brother and sister are perfectly entitled to give their share to their own mum.

You have no such responsibility. Spend it as you wish.

If your gfather had wanted the inheritance to go to his DIL, he would have made this provision in his will. He did not.

why should your dad's share go to her anyway?! she is not his biological child like your dad was of your granddad she is only the wife and she was the OW originally anyway (water under the bridge and all that though!).

Why on earth should you give her anything or feel obliged to enter into discussions about this - presumably she got a house/money when your dad died 3 months ago. if they want to let this colour your relationship going forward then let them do this.

my mum struggled to keep us when he didn't pay maintenance (he had a second family to keep) that I missed out on many things that my brother and sister were given - horses, holidays, tutors etc

Your stepmother & siblings are being COMPLETELY unreasonable, just for this. They sound rather grabby and awful.

You sound like a saint! Go & do something wonderful with your grandfather's money. He left it for you: it's yours.

The Step mum sounds like she thinks she is superior to your needs your whole life. No way should you give her your money. Your GD missed a generation for a good reason.

Was it explicit in your Grandad's will that any share which would normally go to your Dad would be passed on to the grandchildren (i.e. he made allowances for this when writing the will or he changed it after your father's death)? Or is it more of an informal arrangement by the executor/s?

If the former, it's up to your Grandad where his money goes. He wanted you three to have it. End of story.

If it's the latter, who is the executor?

Why on earth would you give up an inheritance left for you to your step mother? That makes absolutely no sense to me at all, they're being utterly ridiculous if they expect that It was intended for you, so don't let them bully you into giving it up. If your siblings want to give it to their mum then that's their prerogative, and they'll (probably) see some of it back in their inheritance from her anyway. But you are her stepdaughter, your relationship with her is completely different and the same rules shouldn't automatically be applied to separate family units, particularly when there was such a discrepancy in opportunities when you were growing up. That money is yours to use on yourself and your family. It isn't being greedy, it's being fair. Enjoy treating yourself OP!

YANBU
The instructions for the division of property in your Grandfather's will should be followed as he wished.
You are not being unreasonable or selfish, though your half siblings are if they try to pressure you into giving your share to their mother.

Presumably their mother has already inherited from her husband, your father, so why should you contribute even more to her finances? Did she offer you a portion of her own or her childrens inheritance, I doubt it!

If her children wish to give their mother their inheritance that is entirely their own concern, and presumably they will eventually receive an inheritance on her death, though I doubt she will include you. In effect you would be giving your half siblings your own portion of your Grandfather's estate.

Keep the inheritance for yourself, enjoy it, and remember your Grandfather kindly.

Look at it another way - if you were writing a will would you want to leave your money to a grandchild or a DIL? My parents (who are fairly wealthy) have written a similar will. If I pre-decease them my share of the money goes to my children. As they are minors it will go in trust and my db and dh are trustees. Once they are adults then the money is theirs to do what they like with.

Another thing is that if your step mother was to die after you handed the money over then presumably her will splits everything between her two children. So they will get your inheritance and you will get nothing.

Keep it. Don't feel guilty for a moment. If your siblings want to give their money to their mother who has brought them up all their life then that's absolutely their choice.

KungFuPanda summed it up perfectly!

Hi nearlyhadenough, I'm sorry you are in this situation. I was in similar place last year in that my Dad died, then the week after his funeral, his mother died.

My guess is that your Grandad's will specified that your Dad would inherit and under inheritance law because he predeceased your GFthat meant you & siblings received his share as next decendants?

If this is the case (as it was with me), I can see their (odd) logic: if they had died the other way around, your Dad would have received his share & that would have been shared as dictated by his will. However, that isn't what happened, so tough!

She has lost a husband, but you've lost your Dad & GF.

Nobody suggested my Mum should get the inheritance from my paternal GM (DSIB & I received around £2k each so not life changing sum, but at our time if life, very useful & poor consolation for the losses!)

I actually think it could be to con you out of your money, the more I think about that suggestion. They have done that to you your whole life.

OP, are you named Cindy or Ella?

Yanbu and it is not up to your siblings what you do with your inheritance. I disagree with their decision anyhow - an inheritance can have a much bigger impact setting up someone in their 20s/30s/40s than the same money would going to someone in their 60s so unless their mother is on the brink of being made homeless it is quite right for the money to skip a generation.

Yanbu - I'm sure your grandfather would want the money to go to his sons children and not to a DIL.

From www.contesting-wills.co.uk/news-articles/intestacy-rules-predeceased-brothers-and-sisters.html
What if a Sibling has Pre-Deceased?

If one of the siblings died before the deceased then the destination of their share depends upon whether they left any children of their own.

If they left children then that sibling’s share will pass equally to their children (if any of those children had predeceased, leaving children, then those children receive their parent’s share equally). This onward chain of children of predeceased relatives benefitting is often referred to using the Latin legal term of “per stirpes”.

If a sibling left no children then their share passes equally between the siblings that have survived the deceased.

An Example

A common example which has arisen in recent enquiries to our Inheritance Helpline is as follows:-

Deceased (D) dies leaving no spouse, no children and no surviving parents. He leaves 2 siblings who survived him (A and B) and had one other sibling who pre-deceased him (C). However C left behind children of his own who have survived D, in this example we will say C left two children (E and F).

Question:- Does the estate pass to A and B only (in 2 equal shares) or does some of it pass to E and F?

Answer:- The estate will be divided in 3 equal shares, 1/3 will go to A, 1/3 will go to B and the remaining 1/3 (what would have been C’s share) will be split equally between E and F (i.e. E and F will receive 1/6 each).

Good point MOTYK. Bet the SM's will isn't split 3 ways is it?

Out of interest, how was your father's will split OP?

I guess the siblings' thinking is that if the deaths had happened the other way around then the money would have gone to DF and then to his beneficiaries - presumably his wife, so by an accident of timing the SM has lost her husband and the inheritance. However if the DF's will leaves all his estate in trust for the SM in her lifetime and then split three ways between his DC then that would make a bit of a difference - still not enough to overcome the fact that you struggled financially throughout your childhood though.

My in-laws left DH share of their estate to DH and me together.

If DH had died before MIL (and she had not changed her Will after), then, I would have inherited his share.

If your grandfather had wanted SM to inherit the money he would have done this.

As it was, he had one son and two DILs. If he had left it only to the step mother, then one of his DGC would have missed out. If he had left it to both mothers, it would have been unusual and other DGC would have missed out. So he did what most sensible people do and left it equally between his DGC if his DS predeceased him. If the DGC had been underage, then the money could have been used for their benefit.

They are nuts, but not unusual

Firstly, I'm very sorry that your dad and Gd have passed away, and in such a short time, that must be very tough
From how I've read your op, your dads estate has automatically passed to your sm, then your dg passed and what would've been your dads share if his will has been passed onto his 3 grandchildren?
No Yanbu this is your inheritence, why give it sm who has had your dads estate.
I wonder how much of your dads will is entailed to you?
Tell them to poke off, enjoy your money?

YANBU. Surely your GF willed his money this way - to his GC - specifically to avoid any fall-out about which wife of his DS 'deserved' the money more? If your half-siblings want to give their share to their mother, that's fine, but your GF left your share to you.

YANBU. Please keep your money and don't feel at all guilty!

Why on earth would you give your money to your step mother. If your siblings want to give money to their mother then good for them but you are perfectly entitled to keep your inheritance and should not be guilted into doing something you don't want to do.
Plus it's weird of them to expect you to give money to their mother too.

Your GF was entitled to leave his money as he wished.

I'm very surprised that your step siblings would think that there is any reason at all why you would give your share to their DM. I'd feel free to tell them why if they bring it up again.

Well I think a sure way of ruffling feathers in their camp is to say that you feel entitled to half of the total sum of the money, as your father paid no maintenance for your upkeep, and then come to a compromise that they'll keep theirs and you'll keep yours.

Sorry for your losses, and hope you buy some music and riding lessons for yourself at last!

OP, I think you come across really nicely - your dad didn't pay maintenance, but you're still checking if you're entitled to this money or somehow in the wrong. You sound lovely.

You should keep the money, no doubt about it.