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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my part of the inheritance?

167 replies

nearlyhadenough · 26/05/2015 15:03

This is causing a bit of an issue - would like to hear opinions....

My parents divorced when I was about 7/8 as my dad had an affair. He went on to marry the other woman and have 2 children, who, as an only child previously, I was overjoyed to have!

We have all got on reasonably well over the 35 years that have passed. My dad died 3 months ago. One month later his dad (my grandad died).

My grandad left a will - my dads share is to be shared between myself, my brother and my sister.

My brother and sister think that the settlement should have been given to their mum (my stepmum) and they have stated that they will give any money to her - and have (without directly saying so) implied that I should follow suit.

I disagree with this - I see it as ; I lost my dad when I was 7/8 and as my mum struggled to keep us when he didn't pay maintenance (he had a second family to keep) that I missed out on many things that my brother and sister were given - horses, holidays, tutors etc., that this is now a small amount of money for me to use for something special.

Am I being unreasonable/selfish?

OP posts:
Capricorn76 · 26/05/2015 19:15

Don't do it OP. They know when their mum dies they'll get it all back anyway. You're being conned.

bigbumtheory · 26/05/2015 19:16

Do not do as they would or they wish OP, you do as you want and wish. They are very out of order for trying to pressure you into this. If they want to donate to their mother that's their choice, you have to do what's best for you not best for them.

CalleighDoodle · 26/05/2015 19:19

Late to the party but Totally agree with everyone else. If step mother died, will you get a third of everything? As she is in your dad's
House now so you would have if she had died first.

Viviennemary · 26/05/2015 19:22

If somebody leaves you something in their will then you have no obligation to pass this on to anyone else. And in any case you are your Grandad's blood relative and your step mother isn't. Don't know why she thinks she is entitled to anything.

Aermingers · 26/05/2015 19:55

I think your Grandad envisaged this situation and deliberately did it like this, precisely to avoid you being left with nothing.

I also suspect that they may be deliberately causing a kerfuffle so that when the time comes to inherit from the step mum she has an excuse to write you out.

Aermingers · 26/05/2015 19:57

Is the inheritance from stepmother worth more than this one? Are they playing the long game, causing a fuss over this to maximise their inheritance from her?

professornangnang · 26/05/2015 20:17

Make sure you keep every penny. They don't have your best interest at heart.

AyeAmarok · 26/05/2015 20:27

It's completely yours, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
nearlyhadenough · 26/05/2015 20:30

Wow! Thanks for all the positive responses - much more than I anticipated.

To answer the issue of 'implying' - it's about the looks during conversations and the wording of conversations, especially when discussing monetary values.

The will is very clear and I have a copy of it.

My dad's estate all went to my stepmum. There was no will and there has been no discussion about this. I can only assume that in her will that there will be a 50/50 split between my brother and sister (her children).

My stepmum is not in any great need of financial assistance - house is owned (no mortgage) and she is working part time and able to work more and may have to in order to keep her horses.

I am not inheriting a life changing amount - but it can bring me some life experiences.

OP posts:
IrrelevantSquirrel · 26/05/2015 20:31

Yanbu. It's your money from your grandfather, it's nothing to do with your step mum. Hope you're able to enjoy it.

QueenofallIsee · 26/05/2015 20:36

Your half siblings are being awful, passive aggressive twunts...no doubt easy to be generous in their shoes!......Ignore them OP, force them to actually say out loud you should give their Mum your money because your Dad had the nerve to die before his father and leave their overall inheritence a few quid short. Grubby bastards.

RB68 · 26/05/2015 20:39

Its standard will format that it goes to children and if they predecease then to their children (grandchildren) so even if it had been your mother not your stepmother the grandchildren would still have had it. Its not about who deserves what it was how GD will was written to be fair to all. Why on earth should your stepmother get your share? Oh because she stole your Dad from your Mum - yeah right - tell them to take a hike, sorry say well it was your inheritance to do with as you wanted you chose to give it to your Mum, but your Mum is not my Mum so I will be keeping mine and (buying something to remember GD or D or whatever is suitable). Whatever its your choice please don't feel pressurised to conform to their wishes - its all been done within the law and it would never have been your SM, and no court of Law would rule otherwise unless a more recent will is discovered which endows the money differently, and even then as it would not be standard protocol you would be within your rights to challenge it.

YesThisIsMe · 26/05/2015 20:39

In that case you doubly need to keep the money since you apparently will have no legacy whatsoever from your father.

I'm sorry, and I hope you enjoy spending your grandfather's bequest.

Deemail · 26/05/2015 20:43

I don't understand, if your dad didn't make a will then surely his estate would be divided among his wife and children with his wife getting the larger share. Honestly it sounds as though your siblings and their mother are trying to get their hands on every penny and don't consider you entitled to anything. They clearly don't have your interests at heart, I'd urge you to take a step back and look at this situation through different eyes, it sounds very devious.

DayLillie · 26/05/2015 20:44

They do seem to think they are being hard done by because step-mum did not bag the lot Hmm She does not appear to be in the gutter and is able to look after herself.

He was your grandfather. Enjoy

prettybird · 26/05/2015 20:44

YASoooooNBU Grin

Your grandfather has shown proper thought in making a will dividing his estate amongst his 3 grandchildren. It would actually be dishonouring his memory to go against his wishes.

The fact that your dad chose NOT to make a will, while a bit Hmm, is a totally separate issue.

Ignore them.

DayLillie · 26/05/2015 20:46

Also, if you are the focus of PA coercion, probably time to back off a bit.

RB68 · 26/05/2015 20:49

Even more so that all your Dad's will went to the SM - where did your share go - disappeared in the annals of time - he made an error in not having a will that allowed you a share. They are completely unreasonable.

ps it is also normal that the estate goes to the surviving spouse regardless of kids where no will is left

BabyGanoush · 26/05/2015 20:49

Shocking behaviour from them.

Sorry that their true grabby colours are coming out now...

you don't owe them an explanation, please donot feelyou need to defend your decision, they will make you feel selfish and grabby when really it is THEM who are totally and utterly out if order!

ImperialBlether · 26/05/2015 20:50

Not only should you refuse to give your money to this woman, you should look at whether you had any right to inherit from your dad. I'm really shocked that he didn't leave anything to you.

Rivercam · 26/05/2015 20:55

I think that if your dad don't leave a will, then it doesn't automatically go to the step mum.

Rivercam · 26/05/2015 21:00

www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/meandmymoney/article-2052201/Write-thing-do.html

If I have read this correctly, the spouse gets half, and then if there are no surviving parents, the other half is shared between the children.

You do not have to give your inheritance to the step mum. I don't really understand why she thinks she entitled to it.

HawthornLantern · 26/05/2015 21:00

Your half siblings may well be trying to replicate what might have happened if your grandad had died before your dad. That doesn't make them right, much less reasonable and puts you under no obligation to them. I'm sorry - it must hurt that they don't consider your feelings or your experiences as you grew up (or your mother's).

But, a quick look at the Government website indicates that when someone dies intestate the estate goes to the surviving wife/civil partner if it is under 250k but if the value of the estate is above 250k then

"The remainder of the estate will be shared as follows:

  • the husband, wife or civil partner gets an absolute interest in half of the remainder
  • the other half is then divided equally between the surviving children

If a son or daughter (or other child where the deceased had a parental role) has already died, their children will inherit in their place."

This is based on the assumption that you are in England or Wales rather than Scotland or Ireland. But as there is a house in the equation, then depending on where you live, the estate may very well exceed the 250k threshold.

I assume that solicitors have given advice and the legal situation is clear and I'm not suggesting you launch a suit against them. If you did it would be very painful and as you would be entitled to a sixth of any value above the threshold - very likely not to be worth it on any level. But on the off-chance that you know happen to know the fully paid for house is worth a million or so, then that would change the dynamic somewhat and paint your half-siblings actions in a worse light still.

TTWK · 26/05/2015 21:02

I think that if your dad don't leave a will, then it doesn't automatically go to the step mum.

I think the first £250K goes to the spouse if no will, then remainder gets split between and kids.

BrockAuLit · 26/05/2015 21:02

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

What Kungfu said.

Also, salutary tale about will writing. Your Dad had no will so everything went to his wife. Nothing to you. You are relying on your stepmother to do the right thing when it comes to her will (no comment). It's relatively rare that an unfair will is about the money. It nearly always represents hurt feelings, and your dad's negligence in leaving a will (first thing he should have done when his second child was born) is costing you. Such a big shame which could have been so easily avoided.