To keep my part of the inheritance?

[nearlyhadenough]

This is causing a bit of an issue - would like to hear opinions....

My parents divorced when I was about 7/8 as my dad had an affair. He went on to marry the other woman and have 2 children, who, as an only child previously, I was overjoyed to have!

We have all got on reasonably well over the 35 years that have passed. My dad died 3 months ago. One month later his dad (my grandad died).

My grandad left a will - my dads share is to be shared between myself, my brother and my sister.

My brother and sister think that the settlement should have been given to their mum (my stepmum) and they have stated that they will give any money to her - and have (without directly saying so) implied that I should follow suit.

I disagree with this - I see it as ; I lost my dad when I was 7/8 and as my mum struggled to keep us when he didn't pay maintenance (he had a second family to keep) that I missed out on many things that my brother and sister were given - horses, holidays, tutors etc., that this is now a small amount of money for me to use for something special.

Am I being unreasonable/selfish?

YANBU. your grandad chose to leave the money to his grandchildren, not his son's wife. If he had wanted her to have it - he would have left it to her.

Your siblings can choose to do whatever they want (I wonder if their mother is in their ear about it, making them feel guilty?) but you don't have to give your stepmother your inheritance. It's your inheritance. Given to you by someone who wanted you to have it.

Don't allow them to make you feel guilty.

Gosh there is nothing like a bereavement to bring out the best in people is there.
OP only you know if the money is potentially worth the falling out and what the step mothers situation is

YANBU. I think it's really sad that your brother and sister have chosen to challenge you on this. It's your business, not theirs.

Keep the money. If your grandfather wanted your step mother to have it, he could have had a will to that effect.

tell them if you are going to give it to a mother, it will be your own one.

OP you sound lovely just to even ask this question. I'd have just laughed at the idea.

Keep the money. It's yours.

Sounds to me like your grandfather was afraid his son would be wayward again and wanted to make sure his blood relations inherited and not ones who married into the family!

YANBU OP - only I wouldn't mention the lack of maintenance to anyone in RL. It's an unreasonable request because your grandfather decided to leave it to you. End of.

Keep the money. If they go on and on and on about it, tell them calmly and politely that your mum didn't receive a penny of maintenance and you won't forgo your inheritance either

OP, have you actually seen the will?

I think that is often standard to leave something to someone but also state that if they die within a short period of time then it is to go to X iyswim.

I suspect if your grandfather had wanted his DIL to get her grubby hands on the money he would have made provision for that to happen. He seems to have been quite specific that he wanted the grandchildren to have it, if your father pre-deceased him, so I think that you should respect your GFs wishes and not the wishes of your stepmother half siblings

Or you could be very mean and suggest you would be happier if the money was split between their mother and yours 50:50

Of course it's yours. Your grandad left money to his grandchildren, not to his sons second wife. You're a blood relative to him, she is not.

If I was the op I would want to view her Dad's will, there may be dodgy dealings there.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Don't let them bully you.

Oh & of course you should keep the money.

I hate to be awful, but does anyone think that they will just give their money to their mum?

Anyway, even if it's true, why would OP give the money to their mother rather than her own??

I imagine that the half-siblings' point is that, had the grandfather died before the father then the father woud have inherited from the grandfather, and thus that inheritance would have been part of the father's estate when the father died- and therefore would, presumably, have gone to the stepmother.

Tough.

YANBU.

You decide what you do with your money, let them get on to do what they wish with theirs.

You are entitled to that money. Your father went off and made a new family. You have no responsibility to them at all.

Well I think a sure way of ruffling feathers in their camp is to say that you feel entitled to half of the total sum of the money, as your father paid no maintenance for your upkeep, and then come to a compromise that they'll keep theirs and you'll keep yours.

THIS

Fuck them, its your money, he was your dad too.

Sorry for your loss OP

As someone said, this woman wasnt a blood relation. Your grandfathers money is nothing to do with her. You'd be going against his wishes if you gave her something.

I've thought a bit harder about this. The reason why there is even a question is because the two of them died so close together. Had your father lived another couple of months then the money would (presumably) have gone to his wife. So, ok, legally it is your money but if the situation was a tiny bit different then it would be his wife's.

So let's ignore the legalities. Whose money is it morally? It is money that your grandfather earnt / inherited. Therefore it is your family money. Not your step mother's. Therefore - even ignoring the legalities - it is morally yours.

If your grandfather had died first then morally your step mother should have given you a third of it when your dad died / put a third of it to be left to you in her will. It is your money morally. I think that they have a total cheek coming with the begging bowl out for a woman who wrecked your family and then did not treat you as an equal child but instead spent the money that could have and should have been given to your mother as maintenance on ponies and tutors and expensive holidays. If they couldn't afford three children then they should have stopped at two!

Leaving aside the subject of your part of the inheritance for a moment, what kind of person willingly takes their children's inheiritence?

If I inherited from my grandfather and tried to give it back to my mum, unless she was on the streets she would refuse! Very weird attitude, especially as presumably she already has your dad's estate.

We are talking about a Woman here, who sought out a married Father and gave her dc with him a comfortable lifestyle whilst his other child lived in poverty.

What kungfupanda said.

Also you should get 1/3 of your dad's will either now or when your (wicked) stepmother dies, although I don't imagine that will happen.

Sorry about your GF and DF - that must be tough .

Please do not feel at all guilty or pressured by this, it's very much right that you should keep the share willed to you. They will very likely inherit from their mum but you likely will not, this is your money.

Firstly, you are NOT being selfish, not at all. The inheritance is legally yours. If your grandfather had meant your stepmum to be next in line to it in case of something happening to your dad, he would have stated that in his will. He didn't. He may or may not have anticipated the death his son, but you have done nothing wrong.

Secondly - has your stepmum had any say in this?

I'm speaking as someone who has had a step mum since I was approx 7/8 (I'm now 40) although the situation is different as she and my dad did not have kids (she has two children - my stepsisters - from her previous marriage.)

Regardless of the scenario though, if I'd had a grandparent living, and they had gifted their inheritance to their three children equally, there is NO WAY my stepmum would have taken ANY of that money even if offered. She wouldn't have dreamed of asking for money from us.