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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to be down as "Mrs" on my honeymoon booking?

155 replies

DoreyBlue · 26/05/2015 14:13

Just booking our honeymoon. On the day of flying I'll be Mrs so I put that down as my title and he said I should put miss because I am

OP posts:
Nolim · 29/05/2015 06:59

If maiden then miss if married then mrs. Simple

Or ms in either case. Even simpler.

SoupDragon · 29/05/2015 07:04

This doesn't seem to be the same poster as the dinosaur photos.

SoupDragon · 29/05/2015 07:11

I couldn't wait to ditch my maiden name.

I changed my passport before the wedding so flew under my new name.

RobinandRowena · 29/05/2015 09:33

Iron maiden (torture device).
For the Mumsnetters who refer to their birth name as a maiden name! This springs to mind.

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 29/05/2015 09:50

Do titles actually have any legal standing? I use Ms where possible, but get correspondence addressed Ms, Mrs and Miss, even from official sources.

Not in the UK they don't ilkley. You can call yourself any of them regardless of your marital status. However, I suspect OP is going abroad, and the rules may be different there. I'd check first if I were her. There are no titles on passports but there are on tickets sometimes.

Also, changing your surname to your husband's when you get married is intrinsically anti-feminist because it's following a patriarchal custom. Whatever your reasons. Even if you hate your father, there was nothing stopping you from changing to your mother's name or something else that didn't relate to him, before you get married. Call yourself anything and everything you want, it's a free country, but don't pretend something is feminist when it's the exact opposite. And no, this isn't about anyone being a better feminist than anyone else either: we all live in a patriarchal society and we're all influenced by it every day. It's just about not deluding yourself that because you want to do something and you're a woman, that means it must be feminist. You can still be a feminist whilst doing some anti-feminist things. Otherwise there'd be no feminists at all.

Lastly, 'it's just a word' is a piss poor argument. There are quite a lot of things that are just words that we would all, I hope, not use and understand why we shouldn't use them.

RobinandRowena · 29/05/2015 10:04

I agree with that Chicken. I have no objection to women taking their husband's name, many of my friends and family members have.
But don't claim to be a feminist while doing so ,cos you ain't!

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 29/05/2015 10:06

Well, I think you can be a feminist while doing it. It's just that it isn't a feminist thing to do in itself, it's the exact opposite. But I doubt any woman gets through life without ever doing anything anti-feminist. I certainly don't.

Claralikessage · 29/05/2015 10:08

Of course not. But name changing is one of the most obvious acts of non-feminism.

pettywitchinlondon · 29/05/2015 10:09

If you cared about is that much you should spend your honeymoon at home sorting out paperwork then go away later.

Claralikessage · 29/05/2015 10:12

Love the 'Iron Maiden' reference Robin. The word always makes me think of a Medieval lass with long flowing hair, smiling beautifully and brimming with pureness!

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 29/05/2015 10:15

Yes, that's also true clara.

SoupDragon · 29/05/2015 10:16

And lo! The reason I hid all the feminist topics rears its head.

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 29/05/2015 10:19

OMG it's my choice you feminists are so mean I like having the same name as my husband my name was horrible anyway feminism is about choice I'm all empowered and shit it doesn't matter anyway you're trying to stop people from calling themselves what they like.

StarlightMcKenzee · 29/05/2015 10:21

How is that true?

Should we not dance partner dances either?

StarlightMcKenzee · 29/05/2015 10:22

I'm a feminist. I changed my name. To be told I shouldn't have is controlling and anti-feminist.

StarlightMcKenzee · 29/05/2015 10:23

I'm also totally financially dependent on my husband (who is also a feminist btw).

Get that you narrow-minded bunch of control freaks!!!

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 29/05/2015 10:27

Who on this thread has told you that you shouldn't have changed your name starlight?

StarlightMcKenzee · 29/05/2015 10:30

It's been said that it is anti-feminist. It is not.

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 29/05/2015 10:33

Why do you think saying it is anti-feminist is the same thing as telling you that you shouldn't do it? Particularly when a number of the posts explaining why it is anti-feminist have been at pains to say it's up to you to decide whether you do it or not?

StarlightMcKenzee · 29/05/2015 11:43

Because it isn't anti-feminist.

Claralikessage · 29/05/2015 12:08

Star, you are getting confused. It IS anti-feminist to take you male partner's name but nobody on this thread has told you that you shouldn't change your name.
We are not trying to control you!! (just enlighten you a little)
But you must not call people names on Mumsnet threads or you will be told off by MNHQ.

LionessQueen · 29/05/2015 12:16

I took my DH name and am proud to be Mrs DH! It shows we're a team and a family unit.
I also wanted to fly in married name but as we were going to US it wasn't possible due to ESTA etc.
just because I made that choice it doesn't mean I don't believe in equality for women!

StarlightMcKenzee · 29/05/2015 12:17

Kettle/Pot.

You have accused me of doing something anti-feminist. I have not.
You have suggested I am unenlightened. I am not.

It is not anti feminist to chose to change your name upon Marriage and to choose it to be the one your husband currently has. It is not the act of an unenlightened to do so or to state that they have done nothing anti-feminist.

Claralikessage · 29/05/2015 12:24

This thread is beginning to repeat now.....
Lion, it's good you're proud . I am too, of NOT having lost my name. We are a unit too and , I suppose , a team! It takes more than a name in common to make a strong family unit.

Claralikessage · 29/05/2015 12:33

Star, there's no need to get upset. It is only an internet forum. Re read Chicken's post (posted today at 9.50)It may enlighten you.

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