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AIBU?

To want to be down as "Mrs" on my honeymoon booking?

155 replies

DoreyBlue · 26/05/2015 14:13

Just booking our honeymoon. On the day of flying I'll be Mrs so I put that down as my title and he said I should put miss because I am

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Claralikessage · 29/05/2015 15:56

Well said, yet again, Chicken.
Putting the feminist/ non feminist issue aside for a mo.
My sister is seeing a recently divorced man. She told me she plans to take his name when/if they marry. Her reason is because he has an ex wife (kept her own name) and 2 daughters whom he sees a lot of in their own home. They still have outings together, etc. She feels it will give her more of a 'claim' (her word) on him.
I think she is insecure in the relationship and a little bit peeved by his good relationship with his ex.
Everyone has their reasons and that's her's. Whether it will actually happen or not is another story!

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 29/05/2015 14:04

Once again starlight, how is telling someone that something isn't anti-feminist the same thing as telling them they shouldn't do it? I presume the fact that you don't mention anyone having actually told you that you shouldn't have changed your name is because you know nobody did. And has anyone said you, or anyone who name changed, has done nothing anti-feminist? Several of us have said the exact opposite in fact: that having done something anti-feminist, such as name changing, doesn't preclude you from being a feminist or doing other feminist things. I assume most of us would consider Mrs Pankhurst to be a feminist, for example? Or Shirley Williams. Their feminist credentials certainly knock mine into a cocked hat despite not having retained their birth names. I would also be genuinely interested to hear your explanation for why name changing isn't anti-feminist. Or anyone's, for that matter. The best people usually come up with is the suggestion that because they chose it and they have a vagina, that somehow overrides everything else.

Wandering, that argument only works if you think your surname is your father's but your DH's is his own. I can imagine there are a few occasions where that's genuinely the case, since there are a smattering of men out there who create their own new names before marriage. But basically if you think a woman's surname isn't her own because it came from her dad, you need to apply that to men too.

Claralikessage · 29/05/2015 12:58

Wandering, that has been already been debated upthread.

Yup, some people need to be enlightened. Consider it an act of kindness (or patronising, if you like)

WanderingAboutRandomly · 29/05/2015 12:53

Telling people you are going to enlighten them sounds very patronising.

WanderingAboutRandomly · 29/05/2015 12:51

Isn't it just as 'anti feminist' to retain your 'fathers' name than switching to your DHs name.

Surely the only way to go is to create your own new family name. That's what I wish we had done.

I was happy to drop my maiden name as its a crap name and my Dads a wanker. I do love him but he is a wanker.

Claralikessage · 29/05/2015 12:33

Star, there's no need to get upset. It is only an internet forum. Re read Chicken's post (posted today at 9.50)It may enlighten you.

Claralikessage · 29/05/2015 12:24

This thread is beginning to repeat now.....
Lion, it's good you're proud . I am too, of NOT having lost my name. We are a unit too and , I suppose , a team! It takes more than a name in common to make a strong family unit.

StarlightMcKenzee · 29/05/2015 12:17

Kettle/Pot.

You have accused me of doing something anti-feminist. I have not.
You have suggested I am unenlightened. I am not.

It is not anti feminist to chose to change your name upon Marriage and to choose it to be the one your husband currently has. It is not the act of an unenlightened to do so or to state that they have done nothing anti-feminist.

LionessQueen · 29/05/2015 12:16

I took my DH name and am proud to be Mrs DH! It shows we're a team and a family unit.
I also wanted to fly in married name but as we were going to US it wasn't possible due to ESTA etc.
just because I made that choice it doesn't mean I don't believe in equality for women!

Claralikessage · 29/05/2015 12:08

Star, you are getting confused. It IS anti-feminist to take you male partner's name but nobody on this thread has told you that you shouldn't change your name.
We are not trying to control you!! (just enlighten you a little)
But you must not call people names on Mumsnet threads or you will be told off by MNHQ.

StarlightMcKenzee · 29/05/2015 11:43

Because it isn't anti-feminist.

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 29/05/2015 10:33

Why do you think saying it is anti-feminist is the same thing as telling you that you shouldn't do it? Particularly when a number of the posts explaining why it is anti-feminist have been at pains to say it's up to you to decide whether you do it or not?

StarlightMcKenzee · 29/05/2015 10:30

It's been said that it is anti-feminist. It is not.

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 29/05/2015 10:27

Who on this thread has told you that you shouldn't have changed your name starlight?

StarlightMcKenzee · 29/05/2015 10:23

I'm also totally financially dependent on my husband (who is also a feminist btw).

Get that you narrow-minded bunch of control freaks!!!

StarlightMcKenzee · 29/05/2015 10:22

I'm a feminist. I changed my name. To be told I shouldn't have is controlling and anti-feminist.

StarlightMcKenzee · 29/05/2015 10:21

How is that true?

Should we not dance partner dances either?

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 29/05/2015 10:19

OMG it's my choice you feminists are so mean I like having the same name as my husband my name was horrible anyway feminism is about choice I'm all empowered and shit it doesn't matter anyway you're trying to stop people from calling themselves what they like.

SoupDragon · 29/05/2015 10:16

And lo! The reason I hid all the feminist topics rears its head.

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 29/05/2015 10:15

Yes, that's also true clara.

Claralikessage · 29/05/2015 10:12

Love the 'Iron Maiden' reference Robin. The word always makes me think of a Medieval lass with long flowing hair, smiling beautifully and brimming with pureness!

pettywitchinlondon · 29/05/2015 10:09

If you cared about is that much you should spend your honeymoon at home sorting out paperwork then go away later.

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Claralikessage · 29/05/2015 10:08

Of course not. But name changing is one of the most obvious acts of non-feminism.

ChickenLaVidaLoca · 29/05/2015 10:06

Well, I think you can be a feminist while doing it. It's just that it isn't a feminist thing to do in itself, it's the exact opposite. But I doubt any woman gets through life without ever doing anything anti-feminist. I certainly don't.

RobinandRowena · 29/05/2015 10:04

I agree with that Chicken. I have no objection to women taking their husband's name, many of my friends and family members have.
But don't claim to be a feminist while doing so ,cos you ain't!

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