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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to be down as "Mrs" on my honeymoon booking?

155 replies

DoreyBlue · 26/05/2015 14:13

Just booking our honeymoon. On the day of flying I'll be Mrs so I put that down as my title and he said I should put miss because I am

OP posts:

Claralikessage · 27/05/2015 15:24

Nah honey, I am not a better feminist than any feminist (I think!)but taking a man's name (altho a personal choice) is hardly a feminist statement . It is the opposite. In fact it takes a lot more than that simple gesture to make a strong family unit. (you have a lot of work to do if you think it's that easy!)

I love my husband too (well, most of the time)and my family is a strong unit without my changing my name. Are you suggesting that co habiting couples with children are less committed/ less of a unit?

PS: It's not actually a maiden name unless you were a virgin before marriage.

CalamitouslyWrong · 27/05/2015 15:24

My passport has an endorsement saying 'the passport holder is Dr Calamitously Wrong'. No one has ever paid it any heed. I had no idea they do that when I ticked the box on the form.

honeyroar · 27/05/2015 15:38

No I'm not suggesting that at all, I'm saying what I felt (as was everyone else). Personally I did feel closer as a couple and more official when I got married. Even though we were an established couple already.

You're right, just because you take your husbands name it doesn't make you a better couple, just as not taking your husband's name doesn't make you a better feminist. Not everything you do in life has to be a statement, surely.

Ps, it is called a maiden name though, whether you were a virgin or not when you got married. I guess most of us were virgins when we first for our maiden names though, so it is correct in that sense!

florascotia · 27/05/2015 15:50

Well exactly, Calamitously. And 'Dr' is a professional/academic title, after all, nothing to do with marital 'status'.
I wonder, do they put 'Reverend' or 'Rabbi' on passports in the same way?

I think we should be like the French and just use 'Madame' for all adult women. Or else (of course) use Ms, or even revive the old English and Scots 'Mistress', which was used in the same way as Madame (and which Miss and Mrs are both abbreviations of...).

If people want to show that they are married by changing their name or wearing a ring, then that's up to them. And they can call themselves whatever title they choose. But in this day and age I really can't see much point in getting fussed about any of it.

Claralikessage · 27/05/2015 16:02

I think we should do away with these titles anyway. Why should we be defined by our marital status?

honey, I think it is sad that you needed to be married and have your husband's name to feel closer as a couple (are you insecure?).
The majority of our couple friends are unmarried and they are as strong (or not as )as our married friends. You not need to make it official to make it stronger. You just need to be committed to each other.

I knew from the age of 15 that I would never change my name. It's just who I am, put simply.(It is not a statement). If you really think about it changing your name is an odd thing to do.

The use of the term 'maiden name' is outdated. Try not to use it.

AdeleDazeem · 27/05/2015 16:09

I hate it when people get my name wrong

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 27/05/2015 17:34

I do object to the term maiden name, it is a surname, or could be a birth surname to differentiate from one taken later. I also object to people being ridiculed for making a non-feminist decision, I regard myself as a feminist but have taken any number of non-feminist decisions in my life, I suspect that is true of most feminists, it's inevitable in the society we live in. What we can do is think about why our decisions are feminist or not with a view to educating other people or making changes in our own lives. I personally wish women defaulted to a single title as it would make all our lives easier, but I accept that we are still a long way from this happening, probably even further from no titles at all being the norm.

honeyroar · 27/05/2015 17:40

Clara you can't seem to differ in opinion without having a little dig. It's a bit rude. No I'm not insecure! I like having the same name as my family. I like people immediately knowing that we're married. It feels good to me. Some of my friends took their husband's name, some joined the names, others kept their maiden names. I have no issue with any of that, each to their own. I don't find the concept of changing your name strange either.

And while maiden name is what comes up on forms etc, I will continue to use it. It's just a word at the end of the day IMO.

Claralikessage · 27/05/2015 17:53

That's perfectly fine honey. Each to her own and all that. Most people we know have double barrelled their children's surnames (as we have). The main thing is to think it through first and come to a name(s) that both of you are happy with.
Who knows what will happen in the future? Perhaps you own children will want to have your name? My teenage daughters are so happy to have both our names (and has no intention of losing her name if/when she marries)!

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 27/05/2015 17:56

With respect, it's not just a word, it's loaded with negative historical baggage and if no one ever objects it won't change.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 27/05/2015 17:57

Also wanting to know who "he" is.

No title on passport. When filling the forms in ms / miss / mrs would all be fine it's not an identifying thing that's your name dob pic and so on. So do what you like.

WanderingAboutRandomly · 27/05/2015 18:18

Double barrelling doesn't work for more than a generation. You would end up with ridiculous names

Sarah Smith-Jones-Green-McDougal-Anderson-Von-Troutsworth-Spencer

I wished DH and I had made up a cool and brand new family name just for ourselves. I'd also love to drop titles.

Claralikessage · 27/05/2015 18:30

I know WhoKnows. It is amazing that people still use it.

Wandering, my daughters and I have chatted about the double barrelling issue with regards to their own children. One daughter said the 'Family' name will be less common then as there are so many family units now with a variety of surnames being used.
It will be interested to see what becomes the 'norm' in the future.

DefinitelyMaybeBaby · 27/05/2015 18:43

I'm just back from Honeymoon, it so much easier and will avoid loads of hassle to just book in the name which is on your passport. It really doesn't matter at all anyway - no one called me it anyway and we got loads of upgrades on hotels and flights as our travel agent had written "honeymoon couple" on the booking. I think they decide about upgrades in advance rather than on arrival.

honeyroar · 27/05/2015 18:53

Whatever the historical meaning of maiden name was (and to me even that's not such an issue), nowadays it means nothing, it has no effect on what I earn or how I'm treated etc, so it really doesn't bother me that it's used. There are far more important feminist issues like pay and women at the top of business/in parliament. Those things are worth worrying about to me, a word that is in everyday use to describe simply what you were called before you got married isn't.

Teapot13 · 27/05/2015 19:09

Are you marrying your father? Because that's what Mrs.BirthName means. . . I don't use my DH's name and it gives me the rage when people call me Mrs.

PeppermintCrayon · 27/05/2015 19:15

Everyone I know who has got married has gone on honeymoon in their maiden name.

batfish · 27/05/2015 19:22

Before we got married I got a new passport in my new name which you can do. We were moving to another country a few weeks after the wedding so wanted to get new passport sorted before that. So our honeymoon was booked in my married name.

If you are taking your husband's name it is a bit weird to be desperate to be called Mrs but not bothered about the surname. But if not taking the name then it makes sense I guess - although like others have said it doesn't say Mrs or Miss on your passport so you can book as whatever you like as far as that is concerned!

5YearsTime · 27/05/2015 19:55

I don't think taking a man's name is necessarily a non-feminist choice. It depends on the individual situation and the choices behind it. My choice created a new family unit and the way our family situations work it means that me and DH are basically a family by ourselves. I'm happy with that. It's my choice, a free choice and that's important.

OP you'll be treated as a honeymooning couple either way! If you don't, just tell people. A honeymoon is a really special thing, make the most if it and don't get worked up about it.

RobinandRowena · 28/05/2015 23:33

I wish the OP would come back and explain why she wants to be Mrs. Own-name???

youareallbonkers · 28/05/2015 23:40

The passport may not have a title but it will have a surname. If maiden then miss if married then mrs. Simple

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 28/05/2015 23:43

Why on earth would you want to be Mrs Maiden-Name? People try to Mrs VonKrumm me sometimes, it makes my teeth itch.

youareallbonkers · 28/05/2015 23:43

And I'll continue to use the term maiden name because that's what it is

moanybollocks · 29/05/2015 01:25

So is this the op that got married and all her wedding pictures came back funny, with dinosaurs on them?

But now she's getting married again?

moanybollocks · 29/05/2015 01:26

So is this the op that got married and all her wedding pictures came back funny, with dinosaurs on them?

But now she's getting married again?

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