Page 9 | to think that my sister is BU and SIL did nothing wrong?

MyFamilyAreAllMad · 2015-05-25T15:54:59+00:00

My sister and SIL are at war again [hmm] Sister gave my nieces £20 each. They are 7 and 8. They chose to go to Pizza Hut or Express or one of those places, so SIL and BIL took them and then got the girls to phone them up and say thank you. Sister is now mad because 'they spent the money on themselves'! [confused] I am staying WELL out of it, but I really think she's BU.

soapboxqueen · 26/05/2015 13:36

I think some people are trying to play the martyr. If you can afford it absolutely pay your own way and make it up to the children.

However, if you can't afford it and the other options are denying the children what they wanted to do or sitting there like a martyr eating dry bread and water, then I'd use the money to take part in the overall experience.

Tamar86 · 26/05/2015 13:36

Avocadogreen exactly! The enjoyment to be had from eating out isn't just how much you like the taste of the pizza you are inserting into your jaws . It's the shared experience of having a good time together!

If I invited someone out for a meal with me, and they sat there joylessly not eating anything, I would be uncomfortable, it would probably put me off my own food, and I think my children would be the same. They would notice, they would ask why I wasn't eating, they would try and give me some of theirs, the whole occasion would have a dampener over it.

avocadogreen · 26/05/2015 13:41

chwat I mean by weighing in on perfectly lovely gestures by kids, such as wanting to buy their mum some flowers, and saying "well I wouldn't have done that". Why shouldn't children sometimes use their own money on their parents if they want to? DD recently used some of her pocket money to buy a 'best friends' key ring for her friend, because she saw it and she wanted to. Should I have said "NO, any money you have is to be spent on yourself only, at all times". What are we trying to teach them?

Primaryteach87 · 26/05/2015 13:48

I really don't see the problem. We often use money to our baby to pay for family activities e.g swimming, trip to the seaside. Although we enjoy them, they are for our baby's benefit. Neither sets of parents have ever shown any sign of finding this odd. Children can't go out alone and might love special family treat. we live in a smallish house and wouldn't have room to always spend money on toys.

ChwatFeechers · 26/05/2015 13:54

No, avocadogreen, I don't mean any money they get should solely be spent on themselves. My DD, 10, regularly buys her smaller cousins a little gift out of her own pocket money.
I just can't envisage myself saying to two kids ''lets take this £40 and all eat with it'', I just assume most kids would rather spend it on something they have chosen and would enjoy.
If I thought the parents couldn't afford their own meal, and it was a big/rare treat for the kids to eat out, I probably wouldn't mind if my DB spent it that way.
If they could afford their own, I'd be mightily pissed off.

murmuration · 26/05/2015 13:58

Actually, from the other side, DF gave me and DH a sizeable amount of cash when DD was born, "for DD". We told him that we had put it in a savings account for her. He got upset, as he wanted us to spend it for the family now, like take her to beach or the zoo or whatnot. Clearly, a newborn wasn't going to get a great deal of benefit out of such trips and we would have to spend money on us exclusively, as it doesn't cost anything to bring a babe-in-arms to the beach, for example, to do this. And we would not be able to afford such trips on our own. We took a few trips to satisfy him and have squirreled the rest away for DD...

trevortrevorslatterfry · 26/05/2015 14:05

..she should put out the effort of choosing an actual gift, or taking them shopping, instead of just giving cash with confusing, invisible strings of expectation.

Once any gift is given, the giver loses the right to offer their opinion on what it is used for

YY momagain I couldn't agree more

00100001 · 26/05/2015 14:38

" I just assume most kids would rather spend it on something they have chosen and would enjoy. "

chwat Well, what if the kids chose to spend it all and subsequently, enjoyed the dinner?

p.s. I just got your username

monkeychops06 · 26/05/2015 14:43

Wow, your sister is being completely unreasonable. The children decided what they wanted to do with their money. They sound lovely. I wouldn't want my young son splitting the bill and only pay for his portion of the bill. Your nieces sound like they have good family values. I really hope your sister doesn't mention this to your SIL and make her feel bad. Next time, tell her to buy something that she feels is an appropriate gift.

CaptainSubtext · 26/05/2015 15:44

I think the girls are being perfectly lovely, sharing their present for a family night out. I agree with this. If that's what they wanted to do then there's nothing wrong with it IMO.

Binkybix · 26/05/2015 15:54

Because that's the whole point of the thread. The sis is angry that brother and sis in law had a free meal out on her dime. If that isn't the case, then it's a non story and there would be no point in the original post

I don't take this from the thread. All we can know is that tge girls rang to thank for the money that paid for the meal. It would be really odd if they'd gone into detail about what they had and hadn't paid for! The sis could equally have been annoyed that they spent any of their money on food, because she might think the parents should pay for meals out.

I wouldn't have cared about your CD example really.

TTWK · 26/05/2015 18:40

I don't take this from the thread. All we can know is that tge girls rang to thank for the money that paid for the meal. It would be really odd if they'd gone into detail about what they had and hadn't paid for! The sis could equally have been annoyed that they spent any of their money on food, because she might think the parents should pay for meals out.

I wouldn't really expect money I'd given my nieces to be used for food, as I do think parents should be paying for it. But if the parents are struggling financially, then I would be ok for the kids to pay for their own pizza out. What I wouldn't be fine with is the kids money being used to pay for the parents meal out. We're not talking about The Ivy here! It's pizza hut ffs. A small basic pizza, some garlic bread and an ice cream can come in at well under a tenner. Even hard up parents should be able to trim some money off other outgoings over a few weeks to cobble together enough to fund their own meal!

MistressMerryWeather · 26/05/2015 18:42

Such emotive language. 'Freeloader, bloodsucking leeches'?

It was feckin pizza.

Some people have serious money issues.

TTWK · 26/05/2015 18:50

It was feckin pizza.

What monetary value do you have to ponce of your own kids to qualify as a freeloader then, if a pizza isn't enough? A steak? Lobster? Truffles coated with caviare?

It's the principle that makes you a freeloader, not the value.

Klayden · 26/05/2015 18:52

This threads is so angst-filled. Also, is anyone else craving pizza?

MistressMerryWeather · 26/05/2015 19:16

Your posts are very over the top TTWK.

Truffles coated with caviar, come now.

I would love a pizza right now Klayden, especially a free one. :o

SaucyJack · 26/05/2015 19:38

I'm craving a pizza too...... but none of my DCs have a birthday until December.

Sad times.

Binkybix · 26/05/2015 22:25

I wouldn't really expect money I'd given my nieces to be used for food, as I do think parents should be paying for it. But if the parents are struggling financially, then I would be ok for the kids to pay for their own pizza out. What I wouldn't be fine with is the kids money being used to pay for the parents meal out. We're not talking about The Ivy here! It's pizza hut ffs. A small basic pizza, some garlic bread and an ice cream can come in at well under a tenner. Even hard up parents should be able to trim some money off other outgoings over a few weeks to cobble together enough to fund their own meal!

But as I said, we don't actually know whether or not they paid for parents pizza. We also don't know whether it was Pizza Hut or Pizza Express. The latter is more expensive and could easily have come in near £20 per head.

riverboat1 · 26/05/2015 22:44

I shouldn't be getting sucked into this increasingly hysterical line of argument, but...

It's pizza hut ffs. A small basic pizza, some garlic bread and an ice cream can come in at well under a tenner

Online pizza hut restaurant menu I just checked said garlic bread £2.75, individual margherita pizza £6.99 and ice cream factory £2.99. These are the absolute cheapest starter main and dessert on the menu and total nearly £13, so not well under a tenner.

I'm finished hair splitting now.

Rainbunny · 27/05/2015 00:22

Well honestly I wouldn't like to give my dns money and find out they spent it on their parents. I wouldn't let my young children pay for my meal. Most children don't get gifts of money very often and they're too young young to earn their own money. I think your dsis thought they would want to spend the money on something special that would last longer than a meal at pizza hut. Basically your dsis feels like she just paid for your sil & bil to eat at pizza hut. Sure you can't dictate how a gift of money is spent but that's grim.

MistressMerryWeather · 27/05/2015 00:31

Why are people so focused on the mere food consumption of the parents? It's so petty.

The children were happy.

The receivers of the gifts used them in the way they wanted too.

Jaysus.

NobodyLivesHere · 27/05/2015 05:22

even the most hard up parents should be able to cobble together enough money

they should? We live in a country where people are being fed from food banks. To me, a tenner is my electricity for the week. Or a quarter of my weekly food shop. Its not something I can afford to spend frivolously.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 27/05/2015 06:57

even the most hard up parents should be able to cobble together enough money

they should? We live in a country where people are being fed from food banks. To me, a tenner is my electricity for the week. Or a quarter of my weekly food shop. Its not something I can afford to spend frivolously.

This thread just completely sums up the huge economical divide on here and in the country in general.

There are people that see PH/PE as cheap eating out that costs trivial small change and there are also people that would never be able to afford even a modest meal out.

Wherever you are on this spectrum, the reality is that a 3 course meal out for a family of 4 is likely to cost well over £50 perhaps closer to £100 if they didn't have the cheapest things on the menu and, shock horror, had a drink as well.

The example above quotes £13 for a 3 course combination of the cheapest items on the menu, this would be £15 if you add a soft drink, so you've got £60 there even if they all had the cheapest things on the menu, and one single drink each and the parents didn't have alcohol.

That is PH, which is generally cheaper than PE, although I am aware that PE does a childrens meal deal for about £7, which would still be close to a tenner once you add drinks. However, an adults meal there could easily be £20 or more for 3 courses and then £25 once you add a single drink. And I know I would want more than one drink during a 3 course meal.

However you look at it, its likely that they spent the £40 and then some and the meal is likely to have cost an amount that you could easily feed a family of 4 for a week at home, if you are careful and don't think that normal basic shopping is full of organic meat, fish and out of season fruit.

And the DCs had a lovely treat, that they may not have been able to do that often. So I really can't see how anyone can say that the parents have somehow taken advantage of them.

sanfairyanne · 27/05/2015 07:12

lovely of the children, cheapskate of the parents. 7 year olds paying for parents food is just a bit crap. but the money was a present so no point getting cross about it either.

SlaggyIsland · 27/05/2015 07:16

I'm a bit bemused by this - storm in a teacup springs to mind. If the outcome of the gift was happy children, who gives a shit how the outcome was arrived at?