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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my sister is BU and SIL did nothing wrong?

300 replies

MyFamilyAreAllMad · 25/05/2015 16:54

My sister and SIL are at war again Hmm

Sister gave my nieces £20 each. They are 7 and 8. They chose to go to Pizza Hut or Express or one of those places, so SIL and BIL took them and then got the girls to phone them up and say thank you.

Sister is now mad because 'they spent the money on themselves'!

Confused

I am staying WELL out of it, but I really think she's BU.

OP posts:
NobodyLivesHere · 26/05/2015 12:43

Yes athena we get 'dressed up' to go out for pizza. It happens maybe once a year, to my kids it's a huge deal. I'm sorry if the excitement of children is such a weird concept to you.
Nice to see that taking ones children out for something they enjoy and I cant provide often makes me a blood sucking leech.

00100001 · 26/05/2015 12:44

"Your mum should have explained to him that although it was a nice thought, his dad would want his son to spend the £5 on himself, not his mum."

An what if the child really wanted to spend that money on his Mum? what if he thought that gift to his mum was more important, and that's what he wanted to happen with is money? The "gift to him self" is buying his Mum some flowers and seeing his Mum happy?

TTWK · 26/05/2015 12:52

An what if the child really wanted to spend that money on his Mum? what if he thought that gift to his mum was more important, and that's what he wanted to happen with is money? The "gift to him self" is buying his Mum some flowers and seeing his Mum happy?

I can't believe you're serious. ExH gives 5 y/o a fiver to spend on himself, money ends up being spend on flowers for his exW, and that's ok with you??

Ok on the other foot? You send your 5 y/o son off to your exH for the day with a fiver, to buy sweets, ice cream of whatever, and when he comes home, he tells you he used the money to by his dad a CD. You'd be fine with that?

TTWK · 26/05/2015 12:54

TTWK would you refuse a gift from your child in those circumstances and upset them and take away that feeling pf huge pride from them?

I've already explained what I'd do, allowing my kids to keep their huge sense of pride whilst not freeloading a bloody meal out of them!!!

ChwatFeechers · 26/05/2015 12:54

00100001 I'd explain that it was a lovely gesture but the gift was for them to buy something they wanted. It just seems mean to me to wipe out the entire amount on a meal when they'd surely enjoy looking in different shops for something to buy.

Fairy13 · 26/05/2015 12:58

DP was bloody well right to be fuming. He was your ex, he gave his 5 y/o son a fiver for himself and your mother allowed that money to be spent on flowers for you!!!

It was DP's mother and seriously? you would seriously tell a 5 year old desperate to buy flowers with his money 'no thank you poppet, have your money back' and hurt their feelings?

Some of you on here are living in a complete parrallel universe and I'm amazed you manage to get through life without suffering a breakdown from all the offence taken over nothing!

avocadogreen · 26/05/2015 12:58

I think it's sweet. I'm a single parent and don't have much cash. Sometimes when we see my dad he gives me some money for the kids (usually a tenner each) and sometimes, shock horror, I use it to take the three of us to somewhere like pizza hut on the way home. And no, I don't sit there drinking tap water. So shoot me. In fact, I also used some of DD's birthday money to pay for her Brownie trip. Was that wrong too?

I think spending money on a family treat is much nicer than buying another crappy toy that they're going to forget about in a few weeks.

00100001 · 26/05/2015 13:00

Yeah, I'd be fine with the CD example. {shrugs}

and you keep using the term 'free loading' - do you know if the parents did or didn't pay the child back?

00100001 · 26/05/2015 13:02

TTWK - there would only be an issue with the CD if the child didn't want to spend the money on that. If the dad had cajoled or just taken the money, then that would be an issue.

TTWK · 26/05/2015 13:04

I'm a single parent and don't have much cash. Sometimes when we see my dad he gives me some money for the kids (usually a tenner each) and sometimes, shock horror, I use it to take the three of us to somewhere like pizza hut on the way home. And no, I don't sit there drinking tap water. So shoot me.

I wouldn't shoot you. I don't think it's a crime worthy of the death sentence. But I do think it's wrong for you to have a meal out courtesy of your kids money given to them, for them, by your dad.

If I was so hard up I couldn't afford to buy my own pizza, (and a small margarita in pizza hut isn't a fortune, I'd make an excuse not to eat, enjoy watching my kids eat, and have my own food when I got home.

BettyCatKitten · 26/05/2015 13:06

I feel very sorry for the kids caught in the middle of this petty argument.

ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 26/05/2015 13:09

I am torn, I think if I'd given my niece and nephew money to spend on themselves, I'd be a bit pissed off if it was then used to buy my brother a meal. I would expect my brother to pay for himself!

Yes, once given you cant really dictate what happens to it, but often money is gifted with the intent it be spent ON the gifted!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/05/2015 13:11

Yes she is BU. I wouldn't and I don't think many of would dream of giving money and telling people how to spend it. I wouldn't even ask what they'd spent the money on.
I think as others have said. It's lovely that her neices have taken their parents for a meal.

TTWK · 26/05/2015 13:13

and you keep using the term 'free loading' - do you know if the parents did or didn't pay the child back?

Know we don't know. We also don't know that maybe the OP hasn't even got a sister and is in fact a 6'6 bearded trucker and has made the whole thing up for a laugh. That's not the point.

The basis of the thread is that the brother and sil got a free meal out, courtesy of their kids gift money from their aunt. And the aunt is annoyed about it. And the debate is if that's right or wrong.

Of course it's obvious that if it didn't happen, then there isn't an issue.

flippinada · 26/05/2015 13:15

Fairy I've been on MN for yonks and it never ceases to amaze me how people can work themselves into a self righteous froth about the most innocuous subjects.

TTWK · 26/05/2015 13:16

Yes she is BU. I wouldn't and I don't think many of would dream of giving money and telling people how to spend it. I wouldn't even ask what they'd spent the money on.

So if you found out, even though you didn't ask, that it went towards the mortgage, you'd be fine with that?

Or do you have some expectations of how the money will be spent, if you are honest about it?

missmoon · 26/05/2015 13:16

I think it's a lovely gesture on the part of the children, spending their money on an experience with their parents rather than on more "stuff". If the money had been my gift I would have been so happy for them (and proud)...

TTWK · 26/05/2015 13:20

I think it's a lovely gesture on the part of the children, spending their money on an experience with their parents rather than on more "stuff"

So do I, but the parents should have funded their own portion of the experience.

Icimoi · 26/05/2015 13:22

It's lovely that her nieces have taken their parents for a meal.

I think what would worry me about this would be the question of whether it was genuinely their choice - whether, for instance, they said they wanted to go to the pizza place and were told it could only happen if they used their money to pay for everyone, or whether they maybe felt guilt-tripped into it.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/05/2015 13:23

Yes I would be fine. Humbled infact.
That a child wanted to help their parents out.

ClareAbshire · 26/05/2015 13:25

Definitely couldn't get het up about this. If the girls enjoyed the experience then the money was spent on them.

DHs granny gave our DC £50 at Easter and we spent some of that in a family meal out and activity over the holidays. Am a bit Hmm that anyone has a problem with that. We are on a budget and if contributed to a nice day out as a family that we couldn't have done otherwise.

avocadogreen · 26/05/2015 13:26

TTWK if I sat there with no food like a martyr, then doled out their £3 change or whatever from their pizza to my kids, and took them to buy a moshi monster or whatever they could buy with that, do you think that would be a better experience and a nicer memory for them than a fun meal out shared together? And then they'll get a treat anyway usually when I've got paid and I let them choose a magazine or small toy in the supermarket? My 8 year old is not stupid. She would notice I wasn't eating and would figure out why.

Some people are more concerned with playing the martyr and making themselves look good (in this hypothetical situation) than thinking about what is actually a nice experience for the children. It's not like the parents are stealing the kids' money to buy crack cocaine!

00100001 · 26/05/2015 13:29

It's not like the parents are stealing the kids' money to buy crack cocaine!

Oh... are we not supposed to do that?? plinks kids money back into their piggy bank

Grin
ChwatFeechers · 26/05/2015 13:30

playing the martyr and making themselves look good

Possibly the funniest comment I've read on MN, ever.

Playing the martyr because I let my children spend their money o themselves? Making my self look good?! Haha.

BalloonSlayer · 26/05/2015 13:32

I'm on Team Sis.

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