Page 6 | to think that my sister is BU and SIL did nothing wrong?

MyFamilyAreAllMad · 2015-05-25T15:54:59+00:00

My sister and SIL are at war again [hmm] Sister gave my nieces £20 each. They are 7 and 8. They chose to go to Pizza Hut or Express or one of those places, so SIL and BIL took them and then got the girls to phone them up and say thank you. Sister is now mad because 'they spent the money on themselves'! [confused] I am staying WELL out of it, but I really think she's BU.

MistressDeeCee · 26/05/2015 02:35

In your sister's shoes yes, I would think the money I sent for the DCs to buy a treat for themselves was used for a family meal, including spent on their parents and actually I don't think thats on. It could even have been worked out that they take £10 each out of their money for a pizza (a set meal for children isn't the same price as an adult meal) and then have £10 each to spend on themselves..take them out for a browse round shops/toy or crafts fair, whatever.

This is what I'd do if I were the parents of these DCs it wouldn't even occur to me to go out with my DCs with their money covering the whole meal. Lovely of the DCs though but still, I can't see why your sister should be expected to be happy about it.

Jenny70 · 26/05/2015 02:42

If Sis is so outraged, next time she can buy an actual thing for the nieces and not cash (or at best a gift certificate).

If you give cash children can spend how they want to, even shouting mum and dad a pizza meal.

Given that we can afford a pizza meal, I personally wouldn't ask my children to use present money, but if they really wanted to I would let them.... so I guess it comes down to did the nieces suggest the pizza meal or did the parents say, great let's spend that on a family meal out...

But overall, Sister can do nothing about this other than make nieces feel bad about something that was a great experience for them - it's all downside for Sis to complain or bitch about this. Lesson learnt, next time it's clothes or books for nieces.

NobodyLivesHere · 26/05/2015 04:15

I'm actually laughing at parents going and drinking tap water in order not to deprive the poor kids of being able to spend some money on toys or whatever (hypothetically, we dont actually even know that all the money was spent). I can only speak for my own kids but they wouldn't enjoy their treat if their parents werent also eating. Is it really so far out of the realms of possibility that the children were happy to just go out and have dinner with their parents??!? It happens so rarely for us my kids see the whole experience of dressing up and going to dinner as a special thing, it would ruin it for them if I was to be sat there clutching my council pop. Honestly, I think I live in an alternate universe.

Suefla62 · 26/05/2015 04:28

My 12 year old grandson took me and his mother out for lunch the other day. We went out shopping and he invited us for lunch, we both said no but he insisted. We went where he chose and both of us picked the cheapest thing on the menu, but when the bill came and he took it from the waitress he was so proud of himself. He'd obviously planned lunch because he'd brought money with him.

We met quite a few friends around and about that afternoon and the days since and both of us made a big deal about it. The look on his face was a picture.

Before you all start saying his wrong we were to accept, I've already given his Mum the money for lunch and she's going to sneak it back into his money pot bit by bit. We hope he doesn't notice because it would spoil it for him.

tanukiton · 26/05/2015 04:58

aww sue bless him! That is so lovely.

NorahDentressangle · 26/05/2015 05:29

I think it depends on whether going to pizza express was a lovely meal out or something you do as a family all the time.

It sounds a great idea to me, to have a family meal. And why not treat Mum and Dad.

MistressDeeCee · 26/05/2015 06:44

I hope your sis does buy gifts instead next time OP, then she won't have the piss taken out of her by people who I get the feeling don't like her very much ie you, your brother, and your sister-in-law. Particularly you, because you want to see and read through pages of insulting comments regarding your sister being unreasonable..so something's a bit off key there. At least she gave them a present in her way. She may be unreasonable in some ways but she isn't the mean one here is she?

All this bull people are talking about DCs being so "worthy" why shouldnt they buy a meal for their parents, learn the value of money? Why do they need to get into that rigmarole? Let them spend £10 each at meal & thats it, unless parents are exceedingly tight...Id have made it fun "we can all chip in" that would make them feel grown up, being included in the bill. I wonder if when their own parents give them birthday money they'd be allowed to spend it on a family meal..or does that only apply to other people's money? This gift wasn't family money.

So many threads land on here with adults not wanting to contribute to parent/family/friend's meals on a planned night out, or balking at having to shell out £10 on a present for a kids birthday party (No! £5 is enough!) ..woe betide there are 2 kids its dissected to the absolute enth. People are careful with their own money..not so much with other people's, life being what it is.

If you can bring yourself to OP you can just not sympathetically when your sis complains and tell her to buy a voucher for a toy or childrens' clothing store next time then problem solved and you won't all have to discuss her between yourselves will you.

Athenaviolet · 26/05/2015 07:06

"dressing up" to go for a pizza!?!

hesterton · 26/05/2015 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpacaPicnic · 26/05/2015 07:19

That's exactly the kind of thing I would have done as a child, I would have loved to take my parents out for a treat and payed for it. Whenever we went to anything touristy, if I had £4 to spend in tat a souvenir then I would have bought four things for £1 each, and given one thing to my brother, Mum and dad. I'm sure they were thrilled with all their rulers and pencils... But they always said thank you and it made me happy!

Your sil and db were obviously not trying to sneak themselves a treat out of the gifted money - as they encouraged their dcs to ring up and say thank you. So your sister is BVU.

nooka · 26/05/2015 07:26

My dd at that age would totally have dressed up to go and eat pizza, and would have been very very happy for it to be 'her treat'. It sounds as if the girls had a very happy time so I don't really get why the aunt is so unhappy, unless it was a very significant amount of money and she thought it should have bought something substantive.

FlabulousChix · 26/05/2015 07:28

The sister is mad because the sil for to eat for free. It is wrong I agree with the sister. The parents are responsible for feeding their own kids

musicalendorphins2 · 26/05/2015 07:33

Odd the parents didn't pay for their own, but if they have no extra money for resturants, and the kids really wanted to go there, it isn't that bad.
Resturants are a treat and a nice memory if one is not used to eating out. We rarely ate in restaurants when I was a kid and I pretty much remember each time, as it was special.
Had to imagine, but my first taste of pizza was when I was 10 years old. Your sis needs to rethink gift giving if she only wants it to be spent on the children, maybe instead of 20, next time give 5 each?

Fairy13 · 26/05/2015 07:36

To be honest with starters, mains and puddings for 4 at pizza express the parents would have made a big contribution anyway.

flippinada · 26/05/2015 07:36

This is going to turn into one of those threads which gets really heated isn't it. I can't just see it now. Pizzagate

sandgrown · 26/05/2015 07:47

Athena. That's horrible . If children do not go out to eat often going for pizza is a special occasion and worthy of "dressing up".

MirandaWest · 26/05/2015 07:55

Do we know whether the money given to the children was used in part to subsidise the adults meal or not?

I don't think I can get worked up about this tbh - if the parents had gone out on their own without the children that would be different but that isn't the case here.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 26/05/2015 07:56

soapboxqueen
The girls aren't old enough to go by themselves so the parents would have to pay extra for the girls to get what they wanted or the girls wouldn't get their wish full stop.

Exactly. And rich or poor, Pizza Hut is fucking crap wouldn't be the place to spend family money on its over priced rubbery crap

I've spent gift vouchers on food shopping before. Not because I was skint but because there was nothing else in Asda I wanted. Years ago I gave my SIL cash for her birthday as I knew things were a bit tight and I thought she'd appreciate doing something frivolous like getting her hair cut- she sent me a lovely card saying she'd treated her mum to afternoon tea - I didn't get all arsey thinking "it wasn't for your fucking mother" - upshot is she wouldn't have gone for afternoon tea on her own, she enjoyed herself.

If you want someone to spend the money or voucher in a specific way then buy them the specific item you're thinking of. stick it in an envelope, secretly wish they don't wipe their arse on it but other than that once you give it, you have no say.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 26/05/2015 07:58

Oh and the pizza hut meal deals for kids are crap - part of the reason we stopped going as we had to pay adult prices for our kids.

Binkybix · 26/05/2015 08:11

Do we even know that the children paid for the parents' meal? I don't think OP said that anywhere.

If it was pizza express and they had adult meals, starter, main, dessert and drino that could have been getting in for £20 per head.

Even if it wasn't I don't think it's a HUGE deal for the DCs to treat the adults.

murmuration · 26/05/2015 08:13

So many threads land on here with adults not wanting to contribute to parent/family/friend's meals on a planned night out, or balking at having to shell out £10 on a present for a kids birthday party (No! £5 is enough!) ..woe betide there are 2 kids its dissected to the absolute enth. People are careful with their own money..not so much with other people's, life being what it is.

But what is more likely to teach this behaviour: refusing to the let a child pay for a family meal out with money gifted to them and, if you do go out, specifying that they can only spend it on their portion (message: No! That money was for you alone and you must not share it. You should keep every gift you get for yourself and make sure you get exactly your precise worth out of it.) or letting a child make a generous gesture and have it be accepted, to treat themselves and their parents to a meal out where everyone has a great time (message: Doing nice things for other people feels good. You can use money someone gave to you to do something nice for yourself and someone else, and have a great time doing so.)

It's not the parents teaching them the value of money; it's the parents deciding to either accept or torpedo a generous gesture on behalf of the children. If we don't allow kids to be generous because we want to make sure they get everything they've been given, are we then surprised when they later become grabby and want to make sure they're given their due?

Vintagebeads · 26/05/2015 08:23

OP from your posts is nothing to do with what the kids brought,and everything to do with the fact that SIL had dinner on your sisters buck.

The fact is if you want to have control of how birthday money is spent then its toy shop vouchers or the like.

riverboat1 · 26/05/2015 08:41

I don't think it's a big deal, unless there's some sort of history there of the parents taking advantage of their kids or being really tight/stingy towards them in relation to their own expenditure on themselves.

If the family rarely go for meals out to that kind of pizza place, I think it's fine that the kids wanted to spend their money on doing so, and wanted to treat their parents.

mumeeee · 26/05/2015 09:00

Your sister is being unreasonable. It sounds like your nieces had a fantastic time and it was what they wanted to do.

TTWK · 26/05/2015 09:31

At that age, if my kids were given £20 each and they wanted to treat us to a meal, I'd have gone along with it, but not let them pay for ours. If the bill came to £40 I would say to the kids it had come to £20 and they still had £10 each left to spend on themselves.

Thus the kids get to think they've treated their parents, which is lovely, but I know I'm not a bloodsucking leech who's sponged a free meal off my kids courtesy of a gift they were given.

Kids of that age do not pay for parents to eat out! The previous poster who used the word "freeloaders" was spot on.