to be bit upset with dsis re food?

[wandafull]

Just had dsis and her family

• her dh and two dc- to stay for bank holiday weekend, plus had another ffriend, her family, same number of kids. So, busy house. Dsis sits me down just before she left and told me as nicely as possible that the food situation was a 'bit weird'. To give a bit of context , I was always overweight as a child and this continued into adulthood- really had to do portion control and had a personal trainer for a while to drop down a size. Anyway, I have two dds and definitely do not want them to be over weight. So, they get good healthy three meals a day but no snacks in between. I don't offer snacks to other kids either, when they are here and don't give them it if they ask. Otherwise my dds get very upset when they are not allowed but others are. So I suppose I'm quite careful with adult portions of food now I've lost the weight- as has dh too- and I don't make piles of food when we have guests. Dsis basically told me that her dc were hungry and grumpy and that she hadn't had enough to eat and that it was weird that I offered so little food! She was nice about it but it's got me really quite worried- I offered guests and kids cereal for breakfast at sevenish, then nothing till lunch at 1 and then nothing till kids tea a 5 and adult dinner at 9Ish. Is that weird?

IrishLassie my great nan also Irish!, bless her heart would get everything in for guests. Their favourite snacks, drinks, would offer them food all the time. She really did love to see guests happy. We really loved visiting her at weekends.

Bless her before she died, she would even buy my toddler's favourite biscuits for when we visited.

I'm sorry you are upset but at a basic level it doesn't sound as if you considered your guests needs at all, because of how you think about food. Which doesn't sound very healthy - you might have lost weight but your thinking sounds very distorted. Of course the last thing you want is for your DDs to have weight issues themselves but I'm afraid you are contributing to the risk of this happening.

Glad you're feeling a bit better OP. Everyone has said what needs to be said, but FWIW I think you have quite major issues with food and should probably consider getting some help with that.

The OP seems obsessed with food. Either eating it in the past or avoiding it now. People that are obsessed with food are either the obese or the anorexic, or those battling against being one or the other.

"Normal" people don't have rigid routines around timings and portions. They eat when they want to, try to eat mainly healthy food but have no problem with the odd chocolate bar or fried breakfast. They keep an eye on their weight, maybe checking once a week and cut back a bit or up the exercise a bit if they are putting on a bit of weight.

OP, your attitude to food is not healthy and it will not end well for your kids and their relationship with food if it continues. Your Dsis is spot on.

So far today, my very slim 4 year old has had

2 bowls of cereal, a sandwich and yoghurt, a banana, a biscuit and will have tea at 5pm.

My 11 year old chose peachs with a bit aof granola for breakfast and had a sandwich for lunch.

Both are healthy weights and very active but dd just eats lets. DS eats loads, always has but always been a healthy weight.

Your comment about being worried about your dd getting plump, is concerning. You obviously felt bad as an overweight child (although I am thinking you weren't as overweight as you think) and you are worried your dd will go through this. But you are going about it the wrong way.

Oh OP bless you - you have been very kind putting everyone up, but I would have been gnawing the table leg under your regime. My kids would have been inconsolable too. That's a long time to between meals without a top up. Even a humble banana.

I personally could not manage on what seems an incredibly restrictive diet. When you look at even some of the most restrictive diet plans they all advocate snacking to keep blood sugars up. Snacking does not have to crisps and choc. I also forsee your kids going insane on junk as soon as they have access to money and shops tbh. I think you need to speak to someone about your eating habits. I bet if you add up the calories you are essentially all on a restrictive diet which is NOT healthy. Get some advice on how to eat sensibly with snacks or else you are likely to have so many issues later.

I think really you should be allowing your own children healthy snacks whenever they are hungry thought the day, like fruit, nuts, whole milk yogurts. Not the end of the world if this means they don't want much of the next meal. The best way for children to learn good eating habits is to listen to their little bodies. Your body knows when it is hungry and when you are small, you are very much attuned to it. Limiting food is just as much an eating hang up as giving too much food. This will make them rebel when they are older, or hide junk food. Really it is obviously you trying to develop good eating habits with them but like anything else, too much strictness will only cause a backlash. It is also normal for children to be sometimes a bit chunky, as they then go through a growth spurt and get skinny again.

I think the word 'starve' is dramatic and overused tbh. Not having a snack in between meals does not mean starvation. I think many kids get into the habit of snacks because they are bored or because parents worry they may feel hungry.
If you provide a good breakfast, a child doesn't need a snack before lunch. A decent lunch should see them through to dinner.
Fruit or veg in between meals should be ok if they must have something.
How many times do parents complain their children don't eat their meals properly? That is probably due to snacks and them preferring snack items to meals.
Some protein at breakfast is better than just cereal though. It stops them feeling hungry when the carbs have burned out.
I don't think OP is BU really, so long as she makes sure the meals are adequate sized portions.

This advice is from someone who has battled eating disorders. Please please get some proper advice from a nutritionist. Your GP can refer and it won't cost anything. You mean well but I think you've lost sight of normal after dieting so long.

What Pictish said with bells on! Goodness, I can't imagine not giving someone food if they were hungry

Plus any overnight visitors get a full fry up for breakfast. Eggs, bacon, sausage, black pudding, fried bread or toast. Everyone in the kitchen, adults and kids, stuffing their faces and laughing. That's half the joy of having people to stay. Then maybe a really long walk.

What did you serve for lunch/dinner OP ??

I wonder if everyone left and headed straight for the closest shops for foooood.

OP you remind me of my fil and his wife who live in France and are v rigid on the meals front - nothing offered in between and all very much portion controlled when we were fed. We stayed with them for a week once. Once.

I try to stick to three healthy meals a day, with a banana mid morning. But if I had people staying I would certainly relax that, including for my own children. You're being a bit rigid, in my opinion. Nothing wrong with discouraging your children from constantly grazing in between meals, and then not being hungry at meal times. But when friends or cousins come to stay, a few treats and a bit of a break from the routine won't do any harm.

And I agree with others. The gap between your meals are too long, and cereal is not a breakfast that is going to sustain people for several hours.

Gotta...the child guests were crying with hunger.
That's ok with you?
Really?
I cannot imagine refusing a child food!
Op...I think you need to get some help. You sound on the way to an eating disorder.

I would vomit if I had to go that long without food.

In your sisters shoes I would have had to go to a shop and buy snacks if you refused them. My dds would have been unbearable without snacks!

Did the kids ask for snacks during the day? Did u say no? I always keep a big bowl of fruit and veg sticks in the fridge and kids can snack on that. Did dsis not ask for snacks for the kids?

I think going from 1-9 is ridiculous length of time. I would have been starving by 6.

Op...you would be horrified if I listed what my 6 year old ate in a day!
He is average height and weight.
Their little bodies need calories!
They are still growing.

...also I can't eat after a certain time due to meds I take.
No way could I wait til 9pm.

I disagree with the posters who are harping on about 'no snacks' and 'three healthy meals a day'. Humans 'grazed' for most of their history, I think meals have only become a thing since the Industrial Revolution.

I prefer to eat little and often, rather than three times a day, as does DS. DH prefers meals. We're all a healthy weight.

Purple, yes the kids asked for snacks, they were refused.

My friend and her sister were brought up in a house like this. When they started secondary school they used to eat loads of cakes at lunchtime and tuck at break time, and make me promise that I wouldn't tell their mum.

My friend is now a bit overweight and her sister is underweight with issues about controlling food.

I am tall and skinny. I would have been starving with those gaps and my kids would have been very bad tempered at the ages you describe (to be honest I probably would too!)

You have done really well to get into a regime that works for you. But many people who are a healthy weight eat five times a day (I do).

Snacks can be healthy and portion sizes at mealtimes small. That works for a lot of people, and especially children. Your sister had a pointI think.

www.bbc.com/news/magazine-20243692