to be bit upset with dsis re food?

[wandafull]

Just had dsis and her family

• her dh and two dc- to stay for bank holiday weekend, plus had another ffriend, her family, same number of kids. So, busy house. Dsis sits me down just before she left and told me as nicely as possible that the food situation was a 'bit weird'. To give a bit of context , I was always overweight as a child and this continued into adulthood- really had to do portion control and had a personal trainer for a while to drop down a size. Anyway, I have two dds and definitely do not want them to be over weight. So, they get good healthy three meals a day but no snacks in between. I don't offer snacks to other kids either, when they are here and don't give them it if they ask. Otherwise my dds get very upset when they are not allowed but others are. So I suppose I'm quite careful with adult portions of food now I've lost the weight- as has dh too- and I don't make piles of food when we have guests. Dsis basically told me that her dc were hungry and grumpy and that she hadn't had enough to eat and that it was weird that I offered so little food! She was nice about it but it's got me really quite worried- I offered guests and kids cereal for breakfast at sevenish, then nothing till lunch at 1 and then nothing till kids tea a 5 and adult dinner at 9Ish. Is that weird?

I agree with everyone else- also 5pm dinner until 7am breakfast is 10 hours without food for your DC- seems excessive?

My kids are 7,5 and 4 and would eat every 2 hrs or so. They would have driven me demented looking for food in this situation. If they have breakfast at 7, they are looking for more food by 8.30/9 am. Both myself and dh eat very regularly throughout the day too. None of us are overweight or ever have been. My sis eats like you and struggles with her weight. I don't think it is healthy or conducive for weight loss/maintenance to go long periods between meals, does it not put your body into starvation mode? Little and often is our motto.

I have a naturally fast metabolism and am prone to low blood sugar. I would feel ill and hungry/uncomfortable if I stayed at your house. My DD is the same and tends to tantrum when hungry or when she goes too long without food. Sorry but it would have been a really miserable weekend for us.

Well actually there was quite a lot of tears from the kids I guess I didn't think it was to do with the food situation though.

Meant to say we have no treats Mon -Fri and snack are fruit, yogurt, rice cakes, crackers, homemade brown bread, scones etc

Feeling really bad by the way

It sounds like your metabolism doesn't agree with snacks, and that's fine. However, lots of other people have fast metabolisms, and going that long without anything to eat would feel pretty strict.

We're a family of snackers, but all have low BMI, and we're all active (well, the boys more so than me, but I try and keep up). My six year old would have been extremely hungry and grumpy by the end of that. My DP wouldn't have been much better, to be honest.

If it works for you then great, you know your children best.

My DD has cereal at 8am snack at 10ish (toast) lunch about 12:30 snack about 2pm tea about 5:30. Snacks tend to be fruit/yoghurt/rice cakes very occasionally chocolate (Freddo). Without this sort of regime she would climb the walls as she's a terror when she's hungry!!! We have a healthy BMI.

I doubt your sister was trying to be mean, probably just trying to understand your eating regime x

I would agree with your sister and PPs that the gaps between meals are probably unreasonable. 7 til 1 is a long time - DS1 has breakfast at 8 and will then have fruit at 11, lunch at 11:40-12 (school) and something else at recess if he has anything left; and then dinner is usually around 6/6:30pm.
DS2 has breakfast at 8ish, then lunch at 11:30-12, depending on whether we're out or not in the morning, and dinner around 6/6:30pm. We all eat dinner together, I can't be doing with having a later meal for adults, and besides DH is usually in bed by 8:30/9pm, so it wouldn't work. He'd be climbing the walls being made to wait that long for food!

DS1 is now of an age where he is "starving" when he gets home from school - but as he's 22kg wringing wet, at 7, I'm not bothered about him having something to eat then, especially as he has activities after school most days. So he has some bread and butter or fruit, or sometimes a biscuit or bag of crisps to tide him over.

I entirely understand your motivation but I think it is unreasonable of you to impose your really quite stringent regime on guests, especially guests with small children, who will be unused to such large gaps. Of course there is no reason they could not have provided themselves with snacks, but really they wouldn't have expected to, I'm sure!

There have been threads on here before where people have visited ILs and been treated to similarly spartan regimes, and people have been generally horrified at how they were treated.

In future I think it would be a good idea to relax your rules while you have guests - including for your own DDs! - so that people don't go away feeling like they've been treated poorly as guests. I'm not saying that you should put on daily feasts or non-stop food, just have more available for those who are hungry.

When we have friends or family to stay I always put the good in serving dishes and let people help themselves. That way people can eat as much or as little as they want of each food.
I always have a fruit bowl where people can help themselves and there's always cheese and biscuits as a snack.
If feeding only me, I'd have a cooked breakfast around 10am and then not really eat much, a piece of fruit or similar, before a main meal around 8pm. However this does not work for DH or many others.

Yabu, sorry op.
Totally ott

Sorry that you're feeling bad :( (xposted) but it sounds like your sister was trying to help you out for future reference.

Wanda you say you required a personal trainer and strict portion control to drop a size? It sounds like you were only slightly overweight. Correct me if I'm wrong of course. But if that's true then your massively restrictive menu is an enormous overreaction. Like many PPs I too worry about you passing your food issues to your DC. Your sister deserves and praise for raising this issue with you. Please listen to her and further explore getting some help for yourself and your family.

Wanda, I get it. You do what works for you. It works for me too.

That isn't going to work for everyone else, including your kids. I'd have a rethink.

Good = food

Don't feel bad! You've done a lovely thing having a full house and catering all weekend. Your guests have voices- not point complaining on the last day! Your not a mind reader!!! You deserve a medal.

Don't feel too bad OP but do take on board your dsis's concerns.

I would probably quite literally collapse going from 7am until 1pm on nothing but a bowl of cereal, sorry, and my DCs would also not cope at all. I would have to have gone out foraging. As a PP said 'snacks' aren't necessarily unhealthy. I (and DCs) will always have a snack of fruit with plain yoghurt or nuts between breakfast and lunch. Nothing at all unhealthy there.

I can't even bear to think about eight hours between lunch and dinner.

YABVU, sorry.

I would never, ever refuse a guest food!

You only dropped one dress size? Well done, but thats not hugely over weight. I think you are over reacting to your situation.

Don't feel bad, but you may need to think about things and really think about the eating habits in your house.

If you PT led you to believe that small meals 3 times a day was the only healthy way, they were a crap PT. I have a pt and eat around 2000 cals a day and lose fat.

Oh dear, I would be angry and feel very unwell if expected to wait 6 or 8 hours between meals! So would DS (5). I would likely start overstuffing myself at meals in anticipation of of the fast. If I couldn't do that with you portion controlling, I would go out and get food. Next time I would arrive tons of food in tow, which I would eat in my bedroom if not "allowed" to otherwise. Nobody will starve me and my family. We are all normal weight and don't need a "regime". In fact I wouldn't stay with you again.

Try not to feel bad - you have obviously worked hard to maintain control of your weight and that is admirable, but I think your sister's concern about the lack of food when they are visiting is probably indicative of her general worry about the restrictiveness of your eating regime. She clearly loves you and understands why you are so keen not to let your own discipline slide, but there has to be some wiggle room for guests, and also the occasional treat for your daughters - visiting guests seems like a perfect excuse to relax the rules a little for one weekend and demonstrate that food is something to be enjoyed! Good on you for taking the responses on the chin - you're clearly a caring mother, sister and friend!

Wandafull, sorry you are feeling awful.

I don't think anyone is ever going to criticise someone trying to do the best for themselves and their kids.

The plus point is that someone has spoken with you about it, and you've come on here and asked for further opinions, so at least this isn't a massive shock. (And you were probably aware that it wasn't quite right)

I hope that some of the points on this thread help you fix it, and feel better!!!

OP, I really sympathise with you - you're running a healthy eating programme for the family, for which they will be grateful in the long term.

But as someone who's been a hungry houseguest in the past, I'd advise you to loosen up, or at any rate buy a bag of bananas for the fruit bowl.

You're a hostess to your guests, not their calorie monitor, and it is generally considered the aim of successful hosting to try and help your guests to enjoy themselves. Not be put on an extreme weight-loss diet without their say-so.

I've stayed in two houses where I didn't get enough to eat, and neither did the children. It was ghastly - houses were in the country and nowhere near a shop - guests of all ages were stressed and filthy tempered after two days. On day 3, I robbed a neighbour's vegetable patch. (Carrots.)

I've not been back, despite their kindly invitations. I can't see your family coming back soon either, unless they stop off at Asda on the way.

Agree with the others - and sadly OP - you might need to realise you've swapped one unhealthy attitude to food for another. That's too restrictive for small children and you are probably setting your DDs up for an unheathy attitude to food once they have access to snacks, or the other way, teaching them to live off very little food and not seeing eating as a pleasurable, social experience.

to put it in context, a 6 year old needs 1,200 - 1,400 calories, a bowl of say, cheerios and milk would only be around 240-250 calories, that's not enough to keep them going until lunch at 1pm. Its unlikely the portions a 6 year old stomach can take in one sitting will mean they have enough at 3 meal intervals to get to the needed amount.

You really shouldn't be doing portion control for guests as well, it's very rude to restrict food for other adults (assuming you can afford decent quantities). Restrict your own if you aren't exercising enough to burn off bigger portions. Trust other adults will stop eating when full.

It sounds if your Sister was nice about it, shes not just having a whinge, she might genuinely be worried about your attitude to food for yourself and setting your DDs up for an unhealthy attitude as adults. Take on board what she said, perhaps relax a little for your DDs and teach them to learn to manage their own eating - restricting foods for others only works when the food is being restricted - you aren't teaching them self control or stopping eating when full.