to be bit upset with dsis re food?

[wandafull]

Just had dsis and her family

• her dh and two dc- to stay for bank holiday weekend, plus had another ffriend, her family, same number of kids. So, busy house. Dsis sits me down just before she left and told me as nicely as possible that the food situation was a 'bit weird'. To give a bit of context , I was always overweight as a child and this continued into adulthood- really had to do portion control and had a personal trainer for a while to drop down a size. Anyway, I have two dds and definitely do not want them to be over weight. So, they get good healthy three meals a day but no snacks in between. I don't offer snacks to other kids either, when they are here and don't give them it if they ask. Otherwise my dds get very upset when they are not allowed but others are. So I suppose I'm quite careful with adult portions of food now I've lost the weight- as has dh too- and I don't make piles of food when we have guests. Dsis basically told me that her dc were hungry and grumpy and that she hadn't had enough to eat and that it was weird that I offered so little food! She was nice about it but it's got me really quite worried- I offered guests and kids cereal for breakfast at sevenish, then nothing till lunch at 1 and then nothing till kids tea a 5 and adult dinner at 9Ish. Is that weird?

Sorry OP i think yabu and your children are in danger of learning bad food habits. I think those gaps are quite big and its sounds like the portions are quite small. I eat small portions but eat 6 times a day.

If your sister has made the effort to sit you down and tell you this in a nice way, like you said, then she is concerned. I think she is right to be.

How would you react if she turned up with snacks for her kids let them eat them in your house?

I agree with the other posters. You sound controlling to the extreme and quite miserable tbh.

I'm not overweight and neither are my DC but we eat much more often than that and DD in particular would be chewing her are off by 1 with nothing else to eat! I think as a guest I would expect tea and biscuits or something like that at points during the day.

I understand your carefulness if you've had weight issues and if you guys as a family choose to eat that way then that's up to you but shouldn't necessarily expect others to eat this way.

If you don't want to offer snacks I suppose it's your perogative in your house but if someone asks for snacks as a guest I would think it's very rude to refuse.

Eating healthy doesn't necessarily mean no snacks, I'm a little and often person and still maintain a good diet. Maybe they would have brought snacks if they had known but am sure they felt quite uncomfortable if they were hungry whether or not you agree with their eating habits or think they were truly hungry, it's not nice that they felt that way.

Wow I wasn't expecting A lot of these responses. in answer to the question, Her dc are 5 and 4, friends dc 6 and 4

I agree with your sister too.
If I don't eat something every 4 hours or so, I have trouble with my blood sugar and start feeling unwell.
I couldn't go from 7am - 1pm without eating, and I'd be feeling quite unwell if you expected me to go from 1pm - 9pm (!!!) without eating

I've always been pretty slim too ok, I've put on a bit of weight in my late 40s.

I agree with your sister too I'm afraid. My FIL is like this - there is NEVER enough food in his house and I always end up taking snacks and things with me and it's really awkward.

Next time why don't you just make sure that there is a big bowl of fruit and maybe crackers or something and just make it known to your guests that they are welcome to help themselves. I would also do the same for your kids, at all times.

We're not really snackers in this house but if I had guests and they and their kids were used to snacking, of course I'd give them snacks.

If my kids asked for snacks too, I'd give them some while the guests were there.

It's so not a big deal.

I think you're allowing food to have too much power over you and your family.

Ds is 5 and with just a bowl of cereal for breakfast he would be hungry - and grumpy - well before 1pm! He isn't a massive snacked either but if he hasn't had a decent breakfast would normally want some fruit or a biscuit but mid morning.

I think you are making food issues for your children. It is unbelievable that you made them go so long without food!!

When you say portion control did you do portion control for all those that ate or was it a help yourself type of affair

That's far too restrictive for most people, and I say that as someone who generally eats only one meal a day, I accept my eating habi5s are unusual and would never expect anyone to foll8w them.
Snacks in kids is usual and doesn't need to be constant crap, that's a long time for normal adults beteeen meals too.

I'm sorry you're upset, you obviously haven't caused a problem intentionally, but you did make a major boo boo in being a hostess.

Your way of eating might be the thing that works for you in keeping off weight, but it's not the best way to eat for most people, especially young children. It's nice that your sister was nice about it when she spoke to you.

sorry but I think your dsis has a very valid point. I suffer with a resistance to insulin so having to go that long between meals would put me in danger of being hospitalised as an adult and possibly death as a child.

you have gone from one unhealthy relationship with food to another equally unhealthy relationship. I strongly suggest you speak to a nutritionalist or dietician to give you some better perspective.

It is very unpleasant staying in a house where you cannot ask for a snack or a bigger portion especially if you are hungry. I would be embarrassed beyond belief if a guest told me they had spent the weekend hungry. and the children are FAR too young to be going that length of time between meals without snacks.

I don't think there's anything weird about that regime for your family if it works for you. But I do think that as a good host you should make sure guests feel able to eat at other times and have snacks available. It's horrible being starving in someone else's house and not feeling able to ask (has happened to me!). Fortunately your dsis did feel able to ask and that's good. I'd solve this by just letting her know where the food is and saying she can help herself but to try to keep it out of sight of your kids. People have different regimes and some people eat less at meal times and more throughout the day (I'm like that). It's not better or worse to do it one way or another but if someone is used to having light meals with snacks in between they can't necessarily switch to having bigger meals and no snacks and so they end up just not getting enough to eat.

I have a healthy, active 10 year old. She is the perfect weight for her height, not an ounce of fat on her and has clearly defined leg, arm and stomach muscles.

She has a bowl of cereal and slice of toast for breakfast at 7, fruit at 1030, a sandwich lunch at 1230, fruit or a sandwich at 4 and a cooked evening meal at 6. Quite often she'll have cheese and crackers or a bowl of cereal at 8 too.

She'd have been starving and evil at your house OP.

I don't know if weird is the right description but I would struggle with your regime. Meal times here are 8/9 am, midday-ish and 5/6pm. With no planned snacking. I do feel that being generous with food and drink is an element of hosting.

I think your dsis did the right thing. It sounds like you came across as being very controlling. Whenever we visit friends or have them to stay we deliberately buy in lovely snacks and meals as I think enjoying good together is part of the fun.

We never did snacks between meals when our DC were little. We still don't really. They might get hungry around 3:30-4:00 and have a yoghurt/cheese/fruit to tide them over until dinner, but they don't eat anything between breakfast (usually cereal) and lunch.

We've all got a very healthy attitude to food in our house, none of us are overweight. We eat when we're hungry not because it's there or snack time.

I agree with the OP. I think one of the main reasons people are overweight now is because everyone is always grazing.

I think the crucial sentence in your whole OP is I don't offer snacks to other kids either, when they are here and don't give them it if they ask.

So basically if a hungry child asks you for food, you say no.

To me that's not "weird" - your DSis is being diplomatic! - it's cruel.

In fact I can't even eat at 9pm or I have nightmares... I would have truly starved staying with you if I had obeyed

As it stands I would have found out where the nearest chippy was and got the order in.

Have a rethink on this the next time you host and have healthy snacks out. It may also be a good idea to either sort out a decent filling breakfast for your own kids other than cereal or introduce a snack mid morning.

Sorry to agree with everyone else here, but it does look like you're setting your kids up to have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Which will start with them binging as soon as you are no longer in control of them.

We have the same issue when we go and stay with my mother, never enough food, and the kids complain about it every time...

A some of the other posters have suggested, a bit of fruit between meals, and a little treat on special occasions such as these is certainly a healthy way forward.

I agree with your sister and actually think you were a rude host. It may be you have certain food habits but you don't give your guests a small meal and then expect them to wait 6/7 hours for the next one. I am shocked actually you said no to a snack for your nephew and niece. I would not have been impressed. You could have given them a healthy snack. If they are hungry, then they are hungry.

It must have been a pretty miserable time at your house with someone being really stingy and controlling with food.

I honestly would be careful as well, because it sounds as if you have gone to one extreme to the other and won't do your kids any favours.

We're the children well behaved? Mine would have been a nightmare as a result of empty stomachs and low blood sugar - didn't realise how much hunger can affect mood until I had kids!

I was totally with you until I read your breakdown of meals & times.

Cereal for breakfast would last a couple of hours at most. For active dd probably even less.

Breakfast tends to be more substantial in our house either cereal, fruit & yoghurt plus a bananna mid morning, alternatively beans or egg on toast/bagel

I couldn't go from 1-9 without eating, my blood sugar would plummet. I always have bananas in & tend to eat around 6-7pm

I don't see anything wrong with the children having an afternoon snack of a biscuit, flapjack or fruit. It helps prevent binging I think.

If they complain they are hungry after tea they are allowed to either have cereal or toast before bed though, not chocolate or sweets.

Portion control I agree is very important & something we've lost sight of a lot but what you describe sounds very restrictive.