to be bit upset with dsis re food?

[wandafull]

Just had dsis and her family

• her dh and two dc- to stay for bank holiday weekend, plus had another ffriend, her family, same number of kids. So, busy house. Dsis sits me down just before she left and told me as nicely as possible that the food situation was a 'bit weird'. To give a bit of context , I was always overweight as a child and this continued into adulthood- really had to do portion control and had a personal trainer for a while to drop down a size. Anyway, I have two dds and definitely do not want them to be over weight. So, they get good healthy three meals a day but no snacks in between. I don't offer snacks to other kids either, when they are here and don't give them it if they ask. Otherwise my dds get very upset when they are not allowed but others are. So I suppose I'm quite careful with adult portions of food now I've lost the weight- as has dh too- and I don't make piles of food when we have guests. Dsis basically told me that her dc were hungry and grumpy and that she hadn't had enough to eat and that it was weird that I offered so little food! She was nice about it but it's got me really quite worried- I offered guests and kids cereal for breakfast at sevenish, then nothing till lunch at 1 and then nothing till kids tea a 5 and adult dinner at 9Ish. Is that weird?

Going 7am until 1pm without food is ridiculous for a child and I suspect quite a few adults would struggle to last that long. My kids have snacks between meals and while not always the fruit I would want they are healthy weights and eat an excellent diet with a huge amount of fruit and veg.

We never have over night guests but I see it as a personal failing if anyone leaves my house hungry. I'd be mortified if I didn't provide enough food.

I'm over weight but love to cook, bake and feed people so you are putting your issues onto them and it isn't fair. Ie not wanting to be over weight is not an excuse for leaving people hungry.

OP Just asked Dh about this. He is 5ft 8in and very slim. He said he would have gone and brought snacks in, if the kids were that hungry.

Would that have been ok with you? Would you have allowed them to share with your children?

oh and DH would have been starving too.

How does your own child feel about this op? Does she get a say.

Aside from the food (you cannot be controlling about the amount your guests eat, especially when they are staying with you, that is not on but you get that)- you should really appreciate your sil. 9 out of 10 people would have said nothing and vowed never to stay with you again. If she complained.nicely, you should be thankful for her. Honesty like that is hard to come by.

I dont think your sis would have said anything if she didnt believe it needed to be said. I dont do snacks, but dd gets grumpy between 10-11 so usually throw a cereal bar or something at her. You know your children, but hers are different animals who may genuinely need a littke blood sugar boost throughout the day

baddz you can't imagine refusing a child food?...what,..ever?? Kids often say they are hungry when they aren't. If you know they have had a decent breakfast and will have a decent lunch then of course you can refuse to give them food in between. I agree that a small amount of cereal at 7 and then waiting until 1 pm for lunch is too long and not adequate for a child so at least some fruit could have been offered.
There is a growing child obesity problem which is not helped by snacking. Not all snackers get fat but it's a habit that can prove a problem.

I can just see my elder dd -6- plump up so quickly and it breaks my heart that she might have issues with her weight like I did.

That's projecting your fears onto your daughter OP.

'Might' is not has.
'Might' may do, if you keep on demonising food.

In all seriousness you might want to talk to someone about your food related anxieties and controlling behaviour.

Before you think I'm talking out of my arse - I am a disordered eater. Some days are better than others but it's always about the food.

A child who is a guest in my house and is crying due to hunger?
No.
I can't see me refusing!
Of course I refuse my dc food sometimes - just before bed, before an activity etc...
But generally if they ask for food they are hungry.

It sounds so unwelcoming to your guests OP.
Food should be enjoyed not weighed out into grams.
Miserable.

I have a friend like this. She once told dh to put back some of the potatoes he had taken. He is rake thin with a metabolism like a nuclear furnace. We were so hungry in the last visit ( years ago now) that we were reduced to sneaking in food to eat. She had a similar desire to stop the children getting overweight and has always policed everyone's food intake. As far as I can see it has only caused resentment and an uneasy relationship with food for the now grown up dc.

Gottagetmoving - but that's the point, the DCs had only had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, that's not a 'good breakfast' - it's a low calorie, low protein breakfast - it's only acceptable if you are going to offer a snack later on. A child of 6 needs 1200-1400 calories a day, if you aren't offering snacks, each meal needs to be 400-500 calories, a bowl of cereal is often under 200. (I bet the OP uses skimmed milk too).

Going 'snack free' for children is ok, but only if you are offering large meals, full of protein and certain they are filling up enough at each of those meals. Few 6 year olds can take on enough quantity of food in each meal to be fine without snacks if you are going for lower calorie but bulky foods like cereal. A fry up would have been a better option for guests if you aren't going to give anything else for 6 hours.

Gotta - some kids might be able to go between meals without a snack if they were fed properly at each meal and there wasn't six hours between meals!!

Snacks don't have to mean sweet, sugary crap. No one ever got obese eating a banana/apple or some nuts if they got hungry between meals.

Op...I think you are storing up lots of issues for your dd as she gets older.
I see lots of kids walking to and from school (I live near a primary and a secondary school) and the older kids who all of a sudden can eat what they want when they want seem to go mad!
I'm talking about cans of red bull and bags of crisps at 8.30am (which Im sure we will all agree is not good!!)
My dc get a cooked breakfast every morning.
Protein means they don't get too hungry before lunch.
Ds2 gets fruit/veg at school at play time.

I understand why you restrict food, but I also agree with your sister (and other posters who say you are giving you children a negative attitude towards food). That is far too much of a gap between meals, I would be gnawing at the cupboard doors for something to eat. My partner would be on the floor, he has low blood pressure and needs to snack at times. Snacks don't have to be bad, I have a sibling who would pick all day, cherry tomatoes were a favorite. Food is to be enjoyed, it's not just fuel three times a day. And I'd never deny guests food, didn't matter what my own diet was, I'm afraid that's just plain rude in my opinion.

I am really surprised that your dsis and friend didn't say something sooner or at the very least go and buy some snacks for their children. Especially as they each have a 4 year old and they were asking you for something to eat.

FWIW, my 1yo doesn't really snack. But her meals are 9am, 1pm and 5pm, and if she seems hungry (rarely), I do give her some fruit.

If it works for your family, that's great. But I think if you're denying a hungry 4 year old food after a relatively long period without, you've swung too far the other way and need to sit back and re-evaluate. And rationing guests' portion sizes isn't really on either.

Don't feel bad. Your dsis has done you a big favour. I'd take it on board and probably give dsis and friend an explanation and possibly a bit of an apology.

But generally if they ask for food they are hungry.

Quite often they are thirsty or bored, ime.

The OP isn't storing up a lot of issues for her DC, at all. She might be, she's probably not. We never snacked as kids, none of our generation did really, we ate 3 meals a day. I wasn't allowed sweets and chocolate apart from once a week. I have no issues with food.

When our DC were little they had 3 meals a day. They got a snack at preschool and when they went to school, but not at home. They didn't need it. Once they were teens they got a bit hungry when they came home from school and would have something to tide them over until dinner. They have a healthy relatioship with food. DS2(18) had his lunch at 12:30 and is in his room revising, he'll come out when dinner's ready at 6:00. He's fine, he's not bad tempered, chewing his arm off or anything else. Some people don't need snacks.

When I was growing up, I only got 3 meals a day BUT breakfast and lunch were very big! And dinner quite light (salad/soup/ small sandwich). This is how we do it in our culture.
When I came to the UK I put on loads of weight because I started snacking and having small lunches+big dinners. So DP and I (he's from the same country) have now gone back to the 3 meals a day routine and feel much better.

OP do what works best for you but make sure your kids can get a snack if they want to. And don't ever tell your DD you're afraid she'll get fat! My own mum told me this a couple of times and I still remember it every time I reach for a Mars bar!

For what it's worth (and not sure if someone else has said this) most schools and work environments have a short break of 10-15 mins in the mornings for precisely the reason for people to be able to have a small snack and a drink. It's quite hard on the metabolism to go from 7 till 1 with no snack at all. As others have said a snack doesn't have to be unhealthy.

I can see you're feeling bad, it's difficult trying to work out what's best for everyone but I do agree with the majority on the thread.

I am very slim, I am naturally this way but I do bike ride and swim for pleasure and health benefits too though not every single day. If I ate a bowl of cereal at 7, I would need to also eat a piece of fruit, milky coffee and maybe a crumpet, croissant or toasted breakfast muffin or something to get me through to 1, otherwise i would go very faint. I would normally have a yoghurt, coffee or tea, and maybe a cereal bar, small packet of crisps or a couple of ryvitas with cream cheese at about 10.30, then sandwich or soup at 1ish. I find restricting food makes me more prone to go crazy at meal times and over eat.

Me, DH & kids (2 & 5) would have gone batty with that food timing.

When we have guests I have a huge fruit bowl and a homemade cake, everyone's free to help themselves to fruit and kids get cake in afternoon - late teens and adults can eat cake whenever they want.

Your sister has been kind saying something gently, I'd have given you a chicken pinch or Chinese burn but I'm a mean big sister

I think your regime is unreasonable but why didn't your sister pop down to the local supermarket and buy snacks for her kids and anyone else who wanted them?

Or would you have objected to that too?

3 meals per day was the way we ate in the 1950-1970s, because the idea of snacking hadn't been invented. Everyone under 40 was slim then.
Some folk stay slim now with snacks; some get overweight on them. Depends on metabolism, total intake and exercise.

I still have big hearty meals without snacks, but I eat mostly Mediteranean now. It suits me and my friends eat similarly, but that may be a generational custom. We're all slim, we exercise.

Your meals don't sound substantial though. Are your family getting enough food in toto ?
Even without guests, I suggest a lot more protein to make a substantial breakfast; and that supper sounds 2 hrs too late, thinking of kids' bedtime.
They need some full fat dairy too.