to be bit upset with dsis re food?

[wandafull]

Just had dsis and her family

• her dh and two dc- to stay for bank holiday weekend, plus had another ffriend, her family, same number of kids. So, busy house. Dsis sits me down just before she left and told me as nicely as possible that the food situation was a 'bit weird'. To give a bit of context , I was always overweight as a child and this continued into adulthood- really had to do portion control and had a personal trainer for a while to drop down a size. Anyway, I have two dds and definitely do not want them to be over weight. So, they get good healthy three meals a day but no snacks in between. I don't offer snacks to other kids either, when they are here and don't give them it if they ask. Otherwise my dds get very upset when they are not allowed but others are. So I suppose I'm quite careful with adult portions of food now I've lost the weight- as has dh too- and I don't make piles of food when we have guests. Dsis basically told me that her dc were hungry and grumpy and that she hadn't had enough to eat and that it was weird that I offered so little food! She was nice about it but it's got me really quite worried- I offered guests and kids cereal for breakfast at sevenish, then nothing till lunch at 1 and then nothing till kids tea a 5 and adult dinner at 9Ish. Is that weird?

I'm with Bonsoir on this. When people come to say, food is different.

I don't tend to offer my kids snacks between meals but I do try to give them a substantial breakfast and I wouldn't refuse if they were hungry. They also get milk and fruit at bedtime.

And the I was starved by cruel parents and that led to eating disorders posts aren't really relevant here. It was one weekend.

Excuse me? For the OP's kids it's not just one weekend is it? But thanks for being flippant about those of us who were abused. Hiding thread now.

But what is a snack? Most of the things people are referring to are just junk food. I don't believe the op's guests were craving almonds and an apple. The kids fancied a bag of Wotsits or a snarfle through a box of chocolates.

We don't know it is that for the OP. We don't know what she feeds her kids. People are projecting. For all we know, her small portions relate to the huge ones she used to have.

Within our normal family routine we don't snack. We just plan 3 meals a day and stick to that.

But hosting guests to me means providing an abundance. High quality treats, little extras, different snacks for adults and children etc.

I do usually over cater, as for me guests being hungry would be a catastrophic hostessing failure. (slight exaggeration) but providing lots of food is part of good hospitality.

But Stillwish why does it bother you that other people are grazing? You don't have to join in. I think it's polite and thoughtful of your sis to offer fruit and biscuits after breakfast. It's a way of reminding her guests that extra food is available as and when they want it, if they want it. It's up to them whether they want to risk their tooth enamel
Since getting pregnant I find I get very nauseous if I don't eat every couple of hours, but I'd feel awkward explaining this to a host. Many people feel awkward discussing personal reasons for needing regular snacks, especially if they have digestive problems or feel faint easily. Much better IMO to provide snacks and leave them somewhere all guests can discreetly access them whenever they need/want to. I feel my job as a host is to make people feel comfortable and at home.

Sometimes grazing gets in the way. I know a family where every outing involves stopping to eat. You go somewhere and before the walk, it's coffee and cake. You go for a walk. Then it's another drink and an ice cream. And a bag of crisps in the car on the way home. We're talking an afternoon. I don't mind much, but sometimes I find myself wishing they'd hurry up.

Staying in other people can be stressful around food. And hostessing can be too. That's why it's better to provide more rather than less. But some people aren't feasters by temperament. Just like some people don't drink much.

How do you know that Stitchin? Where does it say anything about what they want to eat? My kids have a few snacks through the day and they are fruit, raw veg, nuts, plain popcorn, cheese, yogurt etc.

I think it' slightly unusual for an adult to have a needto eat every couple of hours - and suffering adverse physical effects if they don't. I'd say the onus was on someone who experienced this would be to say, 'It's some weird pregnancy thing. I get a bit faint if I don't have a bit of bread or a couple of crackers every hour or two.'

So you nod and direct them to where the bread is kept and let them get on with it.

NB. I do not keep guest sanitary protection in my bathroom either.

I don't know. Total guesswork on my part.

And the I was starved by cruel parents and that led to eating disorders posts aren't really relevant here. It was one weekend.

It's not one weekend for OP's children though, is it? I think perhaps you missed the point.

In our house we don't particularly distinguish between 'snacks' and meals.

We don't keep crisps/chocolate/biscuits etc in the house. Our dcs can pretty much eat what they want when they want. Is beans and toast or a tuna sandwich a snack or a meal? Tbh I don't care. We wouldn't have lasted that whole weekend not being able to eat!

Exactly Stichill it gets in the way. I don't give a monkeys if my dsis wants to eat and feed her dcs every couple of hours, I do mind if she gives my dcs biscuits when they have just finished brushing their teeth or buys them hot chocolates at 5:30pm when dinner is at 6, but we are guests and it's not worth falling out over so I say nothing.

I must say, I am a bit surprised by posters suggesting that guests should just help themselves to things in fridges or cupboards. Is this a normal thing?

I would never, ever (unless assisting with food preparation) open anyone's fridge or cupboard to help myself to food. I wouldn't be best impressed if someone did it in my house either. I guess it's just never happened in my family. As a child if we had guests my mum would provide regular meals and snacks, but no one would have helped themselves to anything she hadn't put out. Similarly, when we visited others we ate things that were put out but, if things weren't put out we wouldn't go searching.

More???!

You won't like me when I'm hungry.

I agree with the OP and some PPs in that I don't really think lots of snacks are necessary, but I think most people offer a bit too much food deliberately when they have guests. I don't always want to eat loads of food but I like it to be offered iyswim. I think it's only common courtesy really, as maybe your guests like to eat at different times to you. Some people can't eat first thing for example so wouldn't want cereal at 7.30 but might be quite hungry by 1 if they couldn't eat in between. Bit rigid to impose your mealtimes on guests tbh. Also agree with PP who said kids can sometimes rebel against rigid food rules and eat in secret as soon as they are old enough to get hold of their own snacks. I have seen this in RL and it's horrible - resulted in overeating and self-flagellation followed by more overeating. Scary.

... slebs do it ...

... and finally!

But why is it 'rigid' to 'impose' mealtimes? If it's a weekend I'd do breakfast when people get up. But then there might be some kind of outing, and I'd say, 'How about lunch at one?' Or 'I thought we'd eat at seven tonight. That way I'll have time to cook after we get back from X, Y or Z.' That way people aren't left wondering. And if there are children I can say, 'Well would the children like their dinner early - or prefer to eat with grownups but have something in the afternoon to keep them going?'

If guests were to say, 'Oh no, we always have our dinner at six,' I would think 'Oh you're being a bit weird and don't travel well.' Though if they put it as. 'Shall we give you a hand cooking, and that way we can eat a bit earlier?, ' it has a different feel to it.

I feel thoroughly vindicated in my "eccentric" habit of taking snacks everywhere I go! I'd normally sneak off & scoff them somewhere private when I'm a guest ... but, reading these posts, I realise my parsimonious hosts are more likely to be sneering than offended. So fuck 'em I'll be self-catering in your houses if my blood sugar drops!

How does grazing get in the way if you're in someone's house? It's not like you have to stop what you're doing to find a cafe. I understand not wanting your own DC to have biscuits and snacks, but you can teach them to decline if it bothers you (or brush teeth again if they accept!)

Marianne I don't think it's very nice for a guest to have to give a reason why they need to eat regularly. Maybe they don't want to share personal information about a health condition or they haven't announced their pregnancy yet (nausea/faintness is often worse in first 12weeks). Host could avoid this awkwardness by simply putting out crackers or plate of biscuits for all guests to share... then there's no need for anyone to feel singled out or embarrassed.

Kits I would never go in a host's fridge/cupboards uninvited, but then i've never been in situation where a host has restricted guests from helping themselves to food! Every friend I've stayed overnight with has shown me where tea, coffee, snacks, breakfast things and crockery are stored. I would think it very odd and inhospitable if they didn't do this. What if you wake up early and want to have a cup of tea and some toast? Is it fair to make people wait until a formal sit-down breakfast if they wake hungry at 6am? This sounds a dated way of hosting. IME people get up at different times, some want breakfast some don't, some want it early, others prefer late. People like some freedom and independence. When we have guests I put out a continental breakfast around 7:30am and guests help themselves as and when they wake up. Much less pressure. And less hassle for me. I'd find it quite irritating if guests expected to be waited on (and were dependent on me and DH preparing all their meals!)

Out of curiosity, why would you be uncomfortable with guests helping themselves from fridge or cupboards?? When hosting, the first thing I do is give guests a tour of kitchen so they know where to find things. There is nothing in my fridge or kitchen cupboards I wouldn't be happy to share with guests (if I had a special bottle of wine or chocolates I was saving, I'd simply store elsewhere). If there were things I was saving for cooking, I'd label them so no-one ate them by mistake.

All this thread shows is that people do things differently. Some have formal meal times, others a sort of running buffet. The problem starts when you house share even temporarily.

I'll tell you what.

The Embarrassment Avoidance Plate of After-Breakfast Biscuits For All and Basket containing Array of Guest Sanitary Protection can be placed together in a prominent yet discreet location....