to be bit upset with dsis re food?

[wandafull]

Just had dsis and her family

• her dh and two dc- to stay for bank holiday weekend, plus had another ffriend, her family, same number of kids. So, busy house. Dsis sits me down just before she left and told me as nicely as possible that the food situation was a 'bit weird'. To give a bit of context , I was always overweight as a child and this continued into adulthood- really had to do portion control and had a personal trainer for a while to drop down a size. Anyway, I have two dds and definitely do not want them to be over weight. So, they get good healthy three meals a day but no snacks in between. I don't offer snacks to other kids either, when they are here and don't give them it if they ask. Otherwise my dds get very upset when they are not allowed but others are. So I suppose I'm quite careful with adult portions of food now I've lost the weight- as has dh too- and I don't make piles of food when we have guests. Dsis basically told me that her dc were hungry and grumpy and that she hadn't had enough to eat and that it was weird that I offered so little food! She was nice about it but it's got me really quite worried- I offered guests and kids cereal for breakfast at sevenish, then nothing till lunch at 1 and then nothing till kids tea a 5 and adult dinner at 9Ish. Is that weird?

I think I would find it rather rude if guests grazed constantly. I'd provide houseguests with three meals a day. Substantial. Home cooking. Probably cake in the afternoon. Access to fruitbowl, tea, coffee.

I imagine most people would find that sufficient. Guests have normally indicated that they've enjoyed their food and felt well looked after

I think if anyone wanted/expected a 24 hour running buffet, they could buy in extra supplies as a 'gift'.

I do think YABU with the food restrictions. I understand why you don't for yourself but to impose it on everyone else is a bit unfair. Especially on children too. I'm not a nutritionist but I am aware that eating after 8pm makes your metabolism sluggish as your body winds down for sleep and if you're wanting to lose weight or maintain a healthy weight dinner should be served between 6-8pm.

I once stayed with a friend who served small meals and no snacks. The next time I visited I took supplies in my bag. And then I didn't go back.

It's not like you're even serving satisfying meals. As pp have said, cereal is not going to sustain anyone for that long. Better to have something like porridge, or avocado on brown toast.

You are not teaching your children what you need to teach them, which is self-regulation. What you are doing instead is borderline abusive.

Also I have a particularly high metabolism and if I don't eat every few hours I become hyperglycaemic so I would literally be eating your sofa!

I should say I was not fed properly as a child and have major food issues as a result. Being hungry all the time is stressful and shit.

But what you propose marianne is vastly different to whats offered by the OP which is 3 meals - one of which for adults is too late if you're eating at a normal lunch time, and absolutely nothing in between. What you are offering is 3 meals plus afternoon tea and fruit if required which sounds fine to me.

I can see directing DCs to the fruit bowl if they want an in between meal snack, but to tell them outright no is not polite and also gives the message to adults that they too should be able to survive 8 hr stretches without food.I'm also borderline hyperglycaemic and would find not eating from 12 -9 extremely hard and I would be cranky and then on the verge of tears and probably unable to express my thoughts politely on the matter.

In my case when I visited Dcousin I brought along a box of chocolates. This was not opened on the first evening, it was opened the following day and they had about 5 each at lunchtime - ironically because they never have anything sweet in the house so were very excited by them. I only wanted one at the time, but had I known that I wouldn't be given anything else to eat until 7pm then perhaps I might have had more, which doesn't feel overly healthy to me.

However they are thin and I am plump so perhaps they are right and I am wrong and they did get some nuts out when I admitted to feeling faint around 6pm.

I'm averaging 20,000 steps. Eat about 2500+ calories a day. Size 6

Wrong thread..

I have some sympathy with the OP. My dsis has.some food issues and seems to be constantly snacking as does her Dd. I have had her asking for snacks at 5 or 6pm and me saying there is no need as we will be eating at 6:30 (they eat much later) partly that is because I don't want my dcs snacking an hour before dinner.But want them to be good and hungry for the nutritious food I have prepared. Perhaps I am controlling, there is certainly no open acsess to the biscuit tin here. I feed guests at 9am, 1pm and 6-7pm with maybe an ice cream or slice of cake around 4pm, but not always. Surely 2 (by the time you finish eating) till 6 or 7 is a normal interval between meals?

I have to take secret supplies when we are staying at our PILs. MIL is lovely but eats tiny, tiny portions so assumes everyone else does. There are no snacks. Even at Christmas, chocolates are cut in half as we couldn't possibly manage a whole one!

I'd be fine with 3 decent meals a day but they would need to be filling, and I couldn't wait until 9pm for my dinner, especially at the moment as I am normally ravenous with BFing!

Chocolates are cut in half? Wow! That's even worse than putting half a chocolate bar in the fridge.

Reading this thread with interest.

I was overweight as a child. Diet wasn't bad, but there was no exercise. It wasn't encouraged; I was ridiculed for wanting to get fitter. Conversely, dm spent most of my childhood telling me I was fat. I begged to be allowed to do dance, gym, anything to get moving, but was told I was too fat for any activity.

When I say diet wasn't bad, it wasn't as bad as some, but it wasn't great. What it was was very, very restrictive. I used to scoop sugar into my mouth from the sugar bowl because I was starving. Aged 18, a typical evening meal was half a pack of Supernoodles. Dm thinks that I now eat a grotesque amount of food - she once saw me getting a sandwich ready for lunch with an apple and a banana and was totally shocked.

The other thing my dm did was single me out because of my weight. I was never allowed anything from the tuck shop. Even now, I get worried about having the odd treat. I had two jaffa cakes just now. I quite fancy another. But I won't because I have been programmed to think that I eat a disgusting amount of food.

My dm did this. I have no body confidence. I'd like to lose around a stone, but I'm not huge now, and yet I still feel utterly disgusting.

Agreeing with other posters, far too long for anyone to go especially little ones. I lost a fair bit of weight last year and have kept it off through calorie counting and exercise but do not impose my diet on anyone else and tbh my ds would be starving and vile with such long gaps.

I think intervals between meals is fine, as is 3 meals a day only for adults - provided adults are notified in advance and gaps between meals are not excessive i.e. 8-9 hrs without food is too much for me.

It seems here as if a lot of people have different preferences around eating styles, but because it's linked to weight then it becomes shrouded in judging and rules.

Imagine if you went to someones house and they said that you were only allowed to poo in the morning after breakfast and you weren't allowed to go to the toilet during the night. People would be outraged as it is incredibly inhospitable, but imposing your own harsh eating regime on others to me is almost as bad.

manchestermummy, that's heartbreaking... how awful for you. :(

I feed guests at 9am, 1pm and 6-7pm with maybe an ice cream or slice of cake around 4pm, but not always. Surely 2 (by the time you finish eating) till 6 or 7 is a normal interval between meals?

Well... without the 4pm snack it's still a 4-5 hour interval, which is a long gap for many people. I prefer to eat very lightly at mealtimes and snack in between. This is personal preference, I've always been very slim and seem to use up calories quickly... if I went 4-5 hours without eating I'd start feeling queasy and faint.
I find it odd and inhospitable when hosts insist on 'feeding' guests at set times, with no snacks or nibbles offered in between. You are basically imposing your family's eating pattern on guests rather than accommodating different eating patterns. How difficult is it to provide a tray of nutritious non-filling snacks that guests can graze on at leisure (e.g. vegetable sticks, cheese and biscuits, nuts, individually-wrapped cereal/granola bars, rice-cakes, a dish of crisps with some yogurt for dipping, an attractive bowl of fruit?)
If guests complain of hunger an hour before food is served, wouldn't it be polite to provide an appetiser like bread and olives or a small salad with crutons? I think it's mean to make them wait. I feel irritated when hosts insist everyone goes hungry 'to work up a good appetite'... it's as if appreciation of their cooking is more important than guests feeling relaxed. When I have guests, it's about company and fun, not showing off my cooking skills.

There is no evidence to suggest 3 substantial meals is better for you than 6 very small meals or 3 light meals with 3 snacks. Remember some guests don't like eating big meals or may not like your cooking, so they need other options. No-one's suggesting a 24-hour buffet... but it's not difficult to provide a variety of accessible snacks. If you don't want your DC snacking, why not tell them the snacks are for guests only, or put a basket of non-perishable snacks in guestroom? If guests want to graze constantly instead of eating big meals, that's their choice. They are adults and can choose how to eat. Unless you've specifically invited them for a weekend of culinary experiences, it's not rude to eat between meals. IMO part of being a good host is being generous with food, flexible over eating patterns, and accommodating different needs.

Rookie I'd be mortified if a guest felt faint and had to ask me for some nuts! What a horrible experience for you. Guests' comfort is more important than sticking rigidly to a routine or imposing your beliefs on them.
If I was invited to stay with friends who had a '3 meals a day no snacks' rule I'd be tempted to take along fruit, nuts, biscuits and a big box chocolates, open everything and share them round between meals!

Remember some guests don't like eating big meals or may not like your cooking, so they need other options.

There's always the (very good) option of not coming to stay. I'd accommodate allergies and vegetarianism/vegan diet and/or any religious/cultural requirements. Nobody's going to have a big dinner forced down their neck - and aforementioned fruit bowl is available.

But if people prefer six small meals and/or constant nibbling I think they might be better off in their own home. Or at a hotel.

manchester how awful for you

Yabvu to not give guests snacks if they ask they are clearly hungry! I couldn't go so long with no food either (and I am not overweight).

Blimey. I would have eaten your furniture.

"Yabvu to not give guests snacks if they ask they are clearly hungry!"

Not necessarily!

Some people just snack because they fancy something.

Tbh though, I find it really odd that your own sister couldn't say that she & the kids were hungry & could they make themselves something.

Your sister is a hero. She told you in a really sensitive way. I also think you are in danger of passing on your food anxiety to your children.

When you are catering fir visitors, you always need way more food than you normally eat, lots of buffet stuff that they can help themselves to. Always provide too much

I would have done a big fry up for breakfast and again put it in the middle of the table for folk to help themselves to

Always gave cake/butties available for mid afternoon snacks

Yeah but Diddl that would be a bit awkward if the kids had already asked the hostess and she'd said no!

Tho if it was me I'd probably have just been all breezy and just gone ahead and got something for everyone. But maybe there wasn't much to get???? If it's not a snacky house what snacks are you going to find?