To be annoyed my boys were told to 'scream like a girl' in an emergency?

[Kitsandkids]

My 2 boys went on a visit to a fire station this week with their Beaver group. Twice since then I have heard them talking about 'screaming like a girl' and then giggling about it.

This morning my 7 year old said that if there's a fire you have to scream like a girl. I asked him who had told him that, thinking it might have come from one of the other children, but he was adamant that a fireman told the group this. That if there's an emergency they should scream like a girl to attract someone's attention.

This has annoyed me a fair bit but I don't know if I'm over thinking it. To me it seems to be degrading to girls. Apart from anything else, my 2 scream a lot themselves - I'm always telling them not to scream if they see a bee, or get to the top of a climbing frame and can't work out how to get down. So it annoyed me a bit that they have been giggling over having to scream 'like a girl' when they probably scream more than lots of girls!

AIBU or would it annoy you to have your kids told this? I do understand that the fireman had to keep the attention of lots of excited kids but I think he could have worded it better.

YANBU. I would speak up but not just make an angry complaint, explain politely as you have here that since the talk your children and others in the group have been using the phrase to tease or taunt and you thought they should be aware as you're sure they wouldn't want that.

That sort of feedback should come across as useful - maybe a bit earnest but hopefully less likely to fall on deaf ears or get people's backs up.

Of course we should just be able to comment in the face of everyday sexism but as shown on this thread, it may be seen as over the top or precious so to have the best chance of making a change, you need them to see the results of their actions.

It's very sad that "he needs to grow a pair" is often used by women to men who they perceive to be weak, and often on MN

Just like "man up" . A way of telling people (men and women) that they need to be assertive - because only men can be assertive and that's a characteristic only associated with men.

How they react to any feedback would be interesting?

Do they take it on board and acknowledge it's everyday sexism?

Or do they ignore it, go back to the canteen and discuss "bloody Feminazis"?

Is there a sexist canteen culture as exists in other predominantly male areas?

"Yes, but isn't the root of the phrase about being more manly. Because apparently men are confident and strong and women aren't?

I can't see it's any less demeaning than "like a girl".

Telling somebody to "grow a pair" is telling them to do something better. To be stronger, more confident , more assertive. To be, in essence, less like a woman, more like a man. So demeaning to women as a whole, but only to the individual man it's being addressed to. "Like a girl" always means worse, badly or in this case, in a stereotyped "hysterical" female way.

Telling somebody to "grow a pair" is telling them to do something better. To be stronger, more confident , more assertive. To be, in essence, less like a woman, more like a man. So demeaning to women as a whole, but only to the individual man it's being addressed to. "Like a girl" always means worse, badly or in this case, in a stereotyped "hysterical" female way.

That's exactly the point I'm making. It's demeaning to women, yet women use it, to men and to women. Or to their cat when it runs away from next doors cat!

It's demeaning to women, yet women use it, to men and to women

Please, please, I know the answer to this one

Absorbed sexism. Absorbed messages.

The patriarchy.

Scream like a girl means...Make a very loud HIGHPITCHED noise

No. Scream means...make a very loud HIGHPITCHED noise.

Yep, women use it to women. Women think it's OK to tell boys to "scream like a girl" and are quite.........vociferous to those of us who don't think it's OK.....

Long way to go, sisters!

Yanbu
How would people feel if they were told tobe a complete scrubber, just like a boy.

If I had been that firefighter, I'd have demonstrated,

Got a volunteer to hide.

Then told him to scream really loudly so someone can hear him. That would need to be repeated several times and would be a memorable experience.

The firefighter might well have done that. I am sure they'd have had plenty of volunteers.

Having seen girls/women at hen parties and on nights out screaming their heads off for God knows what reason, I think the phrase scream like a girl is valid. There is nothing as bloody shrill and deafening as a group of screaming girls. I couldn't be arsed getting offended or annoyed about that phrase even though I am not a screamer.

You think that fully grown women (not girls ) screaming in hen nights is the reference the trainer was making to a bunch of Beavers?

I think he meant scream like a girl as in any girl that screams,...whether that be little girls or big girls. Both can kill your ear drums.

But boys aren't scrubbers MyGarden. Girls do tend to scream in a higher pitch to boys.

I pulled a couple of yr 9 boys up on repeatedly stating their friend was, 'such a woman' - they argued with me that it was not a misogynostic comment and that they were not sexist. They could not see my point about using 'like a girl' or 'such a woman' being derogatory, as it is such common parlance an synonymous with 'a bit wet' or 'ineffective'. Interestingly, somw of the year 9 girls completely saw my point, although a couple argued in the boys' defence. I found it depressing.

Girls do tend to scream in a higher pitch to boys

So scream as loudly as you can so someone can get your attention.

Again, you really think small children have a reference point of grown women screaming in a high pitch as a group and that that was part of his comparison.

He was drawing on a stereotype. And a stereotype which, as the boys are illustrating afterwards, provokes derision.

A mum at DD1 's school regularly says to her son 'stop screeching like a girl or I'll start calling you Laura '. He is 6.

If I described someone as "a Paki", you would know exactly what I was talking about. It doesn't mean it is not a loaded term, or that it is acceptable to use it, though.

"Like a girl" is always loaded. It is never acceptable to use it.

It's really hard trying to help children see each other (especially boys and girls) as equals at such an age without all the everyday sexism they pick up. All the hidden messages, all the gendered language etc.

DS was full of "boys are better than girls" at that age - just the messages he'd picked up. It's taken a lot to make him think differently.

My point Orlando was that girls do tend to scream in a higher pitch to boys - the statement is true. Boys are scrubbers is false and is irrelevant to the debate.

Penguins Girls DO scream and when they do scream its piercing. I think that's what the instructor meant. I don't see it as weak but it seems many women do. I don't think it's an insult to say scream like a girl. They scream better than boys,..they are less inhibited. Screaming is the expression of an emotion and that's not weak.

Want to know how to insult a boy..

Tell him he runs / throws /screams like a girl...

No - it shouldn't be an insult but it's meant to be. It means you aren't acting like "a man / a boy". You're being girly etc etc.

A boy doing PE. He doesn't throw very well. PE instructor - you throw like a girl.

No hidden message there, is there..

Screaming is the expression of an emotion and that's not weak

Boys don't cry. We all know that - keep those emotions buttoned up and if you are showing emotion, you are acting like a girl and should man up and show some balls.

Expression of emotion is considered weak, in our society, Though, especially when done by women.

An angry man may be seen as authoritative or assertive; and angry woman as shrewish and out of control.

The advice sounds odd.

I would have thought the advice would be more like

Don't go near our try to put it out
Press fire alarm if there is one
Tell adult
If there is no adult then leave and day to others to leave

That sort of thing?

Also I was always told that people don't respond to screaming and the best thing to do is shout fire which does make people take more interest.
Does anyone else find the advice to "scream" a bit weird coming from the fire brigade?

And yes obviously it was a sexist comment. Scream as loud as you can would be fine. Although still odd advice imo