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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fallen out with MIL over manners

565 replies

WoeIsMee · 21/05/2015 15:32

I'm really annoyed. I've NC for this.

My MIL had my children today and they've come back saying 'what' instead of 'pardon.' This is because mil told them that 'what' is correct which is clearly wrong - it's 'pardon.'

I'm really annoyed as correct manners are so important, also it's undermined me.

WIBU to ring her and tell her she's wrong and ask her to tell the children that she was wrong?

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 21/05/2015 15:50

Bugger, I meant to add, "although I strongly suspect that this thread is a wind-up, given the way the OP's second post is worded."

DirectorOfBetter · 21/05/2015 15:50

Yup. Wind up.

chaletdays · 21/05/2015 15:50

Technically your MIL is correct.

Just tell your kids to say 'sorry'? if they don't hear someone.

ShaynePunim · 21/05/2015 15:51

'Pardon?' is a bit common.

As that's what you are teaching your children, though, she shouldn't be telling them it's "incorrect".

Let is slide, though. It's quite ridiculous to get so worked up over it.

BertrandRussell · 21/05/2015 15:51

It's not more polite. It's just posher. One of those special code words posh people use to work out whether you are in their club or not. I could give you a list if you like- then you can confuse the fuck out of any Hurray Henries you happen to meet.........Grin

Iggi999 · 21/05/2015 15:51

Your MIL thinks you are lower class. As do many people on this thread! I realise how "what" is viewed but I do always feel it sounds abrupt - pardon covers the fact that you are expressing sorrow that you didn't hear them the first time!
But I know I must try harder to be middle class, to fit in here, so I will not have my tea in the living room while saying "pardon" to my dh. Wink

Gruntfuttock · 21/05/2015 15:51

^^OP's 3rd post I mean.

Original poster
WoeIsMee · 21/05/2015 15:53

I am a regular poster (penis beaker, Pom bears) and this isn't a wind up.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 21/05/2015 15:53

No, OP! You will be embarrassing YOURself if you think this is an argument even remotely worth picking.

Compromise. Just tell them to say "eh?" or "WOT?" instead.

Pippidoeswhatshewants · 21/05/2015 15:53

Marking my place. I want to be there if it's not a wind up fat chance

helenahandbag · 21/05/2015 15:54

Can someone please explain to me how "pardon" is common? I was fairly well brought up, I'm of average intelligence but I swear I've never heard of this before.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 21/05/2015 15:54

You're going to have to let some things wash over you if your children are going to spend any time with their grandparents. As long as it's not dangerous and they come back with all their limbs, then I take it as a good visit Grin

DD has know for a while (she's now nearly 6yo) that what happens at Granny's house is what happens there and we don't necessarily do the same things at home. For example, the eating of chocolate mousse for breakfast Shock, DD used to ask but she now knows that we have different rules. It can be exactly the same for what/pardon and a variety of other things that will become apparent as the years go on.

Plus, now DD's at school, she comes home saying a whole lot worse than what/pardon. Seriously, we've had to have a chat about swearing and she's only in Year1.

Sometimes DD's teachers get explanations wrong (or are too simplistic) and we've had to 'correct' at home. I don't go popping in to point it out to them, DD and I quite enjoy looking things up at home and making our own minds up. Maybe you could do similar if your DCs are old enough. Could they look up the meanings behind what and pardon?

CatthiefKeith · 21/05/2015 15:54

Iggi999, plenty of us aren't middle class y'know. I am rough as fuck very working class, as are many other posters. You don't have to 'try harder' to be anything other than yourself on Mumsnet. Wink

tabulahrasa · 21/05/2015 15:54

"I beg your pardon' which is invariably said by eg teachers who heard very well what you said."

Well yes, they're giving the pupil a chance to retract what they said before they have to do something about it.

SunnyBaudelaire · 21/05/2015 15:55

oh do you think so?
I thought they just did it to make themselves sound 'posh' or somthing

Original poster
WoeIsMee · 21/05/2015 15:56

I really do think that 'pardon' is right. It's what I've always been taught.

I want my children to have good manners and it annoys me that mil is trying to sabotage this. It's not the first time she's undermined me, there is background.

OP posts:
SevTSnape · 21/05/2015 15:56

Shock I always thought 'Pardon' was the correct term! I've been berating my brother for years for allowing his kids to yell 'what?' when they haven't heard what has been said (not in a serious way, they're his kids, he can bring them up how he wants).

Well, that's my new thing learnt today. Still in shock though Shock

Original poster
WoeIsMee · 21/05/2015 15:58

I always thought 'Pardon' was the correct term!

Don't worry, it is!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Maryz · 21/05/2015 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ionone · 21/05/2015 15:59

Pardon IS right. But only if you are lower middle class or below. Your evil mother in law is trying to make your kids speak posh.

Stealthsquiggle · 21/05/2015 16:00

Same usage of "I beg your pardon" in this house - meaning "I heard exactly what you said but if you care to rephrase it quickly then we can both pretend I didn't"

OP - MIL is at minimum no more wrong than you are.

ShaynePunim · 21/05/2015 16:00

It's not 'incorrect'.

Think of it as a tea/dinner/supper type of thing. Teach your children what feels right for you and leave your MIL to do what she does.

Just tell your kids that different people say different things. I'm sure they'll work it out for themselves sooner or later anyway.

BluddyMoFo · 21/05/2015 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tabulahrasa · 21/05/2015 16:00

"oh do you think so?
I thought they just did it to make themselves sound 'posh' or somthing"

No, it's...argh, I don't want to spend the next five minutes telling them off for that or even worse arguing about what I know I heard with a pupil who denies it...so I'll try and get them to take it back now, lol.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 21/05/2015 16:01

Definitely a wind up thread.