Fallen out with MIL over manners

[WoeIsMee]

I'm really annoyed. I've NC for this.

My MIL had my children today and they've come back saying 'what' instead of 'pardon.' This is because mil told them that 'what' is correct which is clearly wrong - it's 'pardon.'

I'm really annoyed as correct manners are so important, also it's undermined me.

WIBU to ring her and tell her she's wrong and ask her to tell the children that she was wrong?

I find this thread so confusing! I think I say both what and pardon, I don't think about it really. I have never in my life heard so much "this is right, this is wrong" about so many words. Same goes for loo/toilet/sofa/lounge etc etc. I have never heard anyone analyse what class this makes you or how "posh" you want to sound. Is this the kind of thing that's some weird mumsnet law but people in real life have just never heard of?

I always thought pardon was the "posher" of the two though - obviously wrong

Both of those are rather outdated. Its 'excuse me?' or 'sorry?'.

'What' sounds way too abrupt by far to me - and pardon is way, way, way too old fashioned! My 90yr old GM used to say that a lot (deaf as a post bless her).

We all say hullo

she was also U to say 'what?' is correct.

Actually, "what" is U, while "pardon" is non-U.

Just in a different sense of U.

Hurrah! Tis a class test thread. Love these

Hoi polloi:

Me
OP
Handbaghelen
Rosi
Iggi
Sev
Ionone
Okay I am bored now
Happybody

Clarsey:

Everybody else

This could indeed be a wind-up but I do know that my mum, who was definitely Pardon, was irritated hugely by her posher gc saying What? Eventually What did you say? was the compromise used just for her.
I am lower middle class. My BIL is upper middle class.
Read Watching the English by Kate Fox. Excellent book and whole chapter on this. I have some U vocab but am mainly what you'd call common.

She's not wrong - people say both depending on how you were raised.

I say 'what' because that's how I was raised. I try to encourage what did you say - sounds more polite. Pardon is alien to me.

" I have some U vocab but am mainly what you'd call common. "

me too. I just love saying 'toilit' or 'lounge' in front of my brother and watching him squirm with barely concealed horror. In fact I adopted 'lounge' into my vocab for this very reason.
for some reason he no longer sees us. LOL.

Actually, I'm not hoi polloi. I say what! I was just pointing out that some people say pardon and it happens to be correct for them! Take me off that list at once!

It would show really poor manners to confront your MIL over this OP (if this isn't a wind up).

Pardon is awful, trying to be posh and getting it embarrassingly wrong. If you don't hear you say,"Excuse me I didn't hear you." or "I'm sorry could you say that again please."
"What?" is abrupt and rude. "Pardon" is excruciating unless you are using a full sentence as in, "I beg your pardon" but "So sorry" is simpler.
What and Pardon are both wrong imho.

BTW my really posh relatives would wince at the very word common. It's just not used. There's an unspoken understanding of what's OK and what isn't. Actually saying someone was common would be awful. Not their fault, you see, just unfortunate.

Oh dear, I'm off to wash my mouth out with soap and water

ionone sorry your maj

You haven't taught your children to say toilet, have you? If so, it may be too late for them.

I say toilet, though I claim it's because I'm foreign rather than common.

That last time I went through Gatwick, the relevant signs said "toilet", so I'm right.

lol.
it is not 'toilet' you have to pronounce it 'toilit'

So if hear Americans saying "sorry" do you think we are all lower class or do we get opted out of the class system altogether? I've never heard an American say "what" unless they were purposefully trying to be rude. I spent the first two years of my time at British company saying "sorry" on repeat because British men on a concall are the worlds worst mumble offenders!

Unfortunate? Pissing myself. That is one way of putting it, yes.

More to the point, how cloth-eared are your children that a single day spent with their granny has changed the way they apologise for not hearing people?

kitties

You're american
A class of your own Alice !!

Oh dear. I had no idea about any of this. I'm American and I think I might say "pardon", although "what" (with big, long American 'a') is definitely something I can recall hearing from home. I may have been taught "excuse me?" but obvioulsy didn't listen...

Am liking "pardonwhat" :)

And, um, if it's not a toilet, what is it? In the US we say "bathroom" or "restroom", but I was told in the UK that "toilet" was the word.

Quite all right, Kindle. I won't send you to the Tower this time.

To be perfectly honest, I don't know why people get so worked up about this. I can't be arsed. DD says what/lavatory/loo at home and pardon/toilet at school. I am sure her future high court judge career or whatever won't be dreadfully compromised by her being sensible enough to be sensitive to other people's social norms.