Should I talk about this toddler group volunteer to his carer?

[RachelWatts]

I attend a weekly toddler group with 2 year old DS2.

The key holder of the toddler group is a learning-disabled young man, who opens up and sets the toys out, then stays throughout the session and packs away at the end.

I tend to arrive early, straight after the school run, and help him set up.

One of the 'rules' of the toddler group is that the slide and trampoline must be on a mat before the children use them, but because of the way they are stored, the mats are the last things out of the shed.

This morning, the trampoline was the first thing unpacked, so DS2 ran for it and tried to climb on.

In order to prevent DS2 getting on the trampoline, the volunteer grabbed the trampoline and pulled it away, which caused DS2, who was halfway onto it at the time, to be tipped off and he banged his head on the floor.

Not surprisingly, he cried, and the volunteer told him off for 'throwing himself on the floor'.

I picked up DS2, and while comforting him, told the volunteer that no, DS2 had fallen when he moved the trampoline, and hadn't thrown himself to the floor in a display of temper.

WIBU to talk to one of the care assistants at his home (who I know personally as we went to the same toddler group with our DC1s) about this incident?

I'm not sure this young man understands that in enforcing the 'no trampolining without a mat' rule, he caused the scenario which the rule is there to prevent, as a child fell off the trampoline and hurt himself (although not seriously)

The indecent just highlights changes that need to be made in how the group is set up each day, no need to 'report' him.

Incident

The toddler group is in danger of closing due to lack of volunteers, so probably couldn't run without his assistance at the moment.

It has been running for over 30 years with parent volunteers, so we are grateful for his help.

I was moving to take DS2 off the trampoline. Of course the rules apply to him.

But I was not fast enough to get to him before the other adult reacted in a way I did not expect.

It's a toddler group. Toddlers are supposed to be there, even while it's being set up.

I don't really see what I could have done differently, given that the alternatives were to let him set up by himself or to close the group without notice.

And anyway, the point of the OP was to ask about talking to his support worker, which I have an answer to, not to debate the incident itself.

The ONE important thing you could have done different OP is to have stopped your child climbing on the flipping trampoline!

But MrsDV that would need the OP to concede that she has to take responsibility for her lack of supervision

You've said several times how your ds was perfectly safe on the trampoline, how confident he is on it, how unlikely to come to any harm, etc., op, but the safety mat rule was obviously made for a reason.

Why do you feel it only applies when the group is up and running, and not when your ds is arsing about on the equipment while it's still being set up?

I agree with all your latest points mrs
:)
And yes, everyone needs to be on board. I can see that clearly.

Sorry, that looked rude.
I meant you explained it clearly

How? He's 2, with very little impulse control. He saw the trampoline and ran towards it. I put down the box I was carrying and walked towards him, and he was crying on the floor before I got there.

It happened in seconds. I would have had time to get to him and get him off the trampoline safely if the other person had not reacted as he did.

The man probably panicked. It's not like he is going around making a habit of pulling play equipment away from under kids so I too would let it go and supervise your DS more next time.

We don't use a pushchair, so there's nothing to strap him into.

I think the OP is getting a really hard time on this thread.

She has explained that her child was right by her side until the trampoline came out, when he then legged it to the trampoline. She gets up to get him off but before she could get there, it gets pulled out from under him.

I don't really see how she could have predicted that. She doesn't think the rules don't apply. She wasn't not supervising. Its one of those random things you wouldn't expect to happen. I think it is relevant that the young man has learning disabilites, because in all fairness I can't imagine a NT adult doing something like this. This caused her to question whether she should raise it further. She has decided not to due to the feedback of this thread and has realised it is not an appropriate course of action.

Explaining how she is a volunteer and how the group would close without volunteers like her was in response/defence to people accusing her that she shouldn't have been there, when in fact without her and other volunteers the group would not go ahead.

If one of my NT friends and I were setting up a hall and they did that, even though my child and therefore me was in the wrong, I'd probably still say "whoa what the hell are you doing!", but like I said, the chap may have reacted the way he did due to his learning disabilities, which is understandable.

Therefore, it is just one of those random situations which occurred, which the OP has concurred.

Yet she continues to get picked apart and slaughtered.

OP - YANBU, for being gracious in understanding why talking to his support worker is not necessary or appropriate and for being patient with the nest of vipers. YABU obviously for not being psychic and for not being able to run at the speed of light. Must do better!

Quick enough to get to him before the other adult reacted in a way I did not expect.

But your child did something this man didn't expect, something that was clearly in breach of the rules.

If your child hadn't broken the rules there wouldn't have been an issue.
If you'd have been supervising your child it wouldn't have happened.
I get that your upset that your child was upset.
This man may well have gone home confused and upset, which is unfair.

tattydevine you have said exactly what i have been thinking reading through this entire thread. I dont understand why the OP has been so attacked. She has accepted that she shouldnt take things further.

OP i would leave this thread to it. I dont think you were in the wrong as far as supervision goes you cannot predict that your DS was going to run off and you cant predict that the trampoline was going to be pulled away while he was climbing on it. this would upset me too and i really dont think you have reacted badly.

OP I haven't RTFT (first few pages) but I think you've had a really hard time. You were trying to get a playgroup set up as a volunteer. If you had been giving your DS your undivided attention, nothing would have got done. Two years old can be fast, and don't understand rules about trampolines and mats.

What the other volunteer did was unsafe. He clearly didn't mean it to be unsafe , but that was the outcome. I have no idea whether it might be necessary or appropriate to speak to his carer to reinforce why it was unsafe and how this might apply to other situations, but there have been some really nasty insinuations about your behaviour and motivations which I can't see are called for at all.

At all the play groups I go to the parents set up and tidy up while small children run about under everyone's feet 'helping'. That's life, surely?
And my response would be to have a talk with the man in question and go over how to react if a child is on the equipment or otherwise in the way when he is setting up. That is obviously going to happen again unless the playgroup radically change their set up, and why should they? If the man is capable of learning how to appropriately manage a young child in a hazardous situation then that will be excellent life skill for him. Much better to talk, see if he learns, monitor the situation than risk adversely decide a blanket rule about no kids around while setting up

What a load of arses on this thread. OP has simply been replying to questions posed, not coming out with this stuff for fun.
She's admitted her error but the volunteer did not recognise his error so she wonders whether to raise it with his cater. Simple question. Absolutely no need for the crap she's been given