Should I talk about this toddler group volunteer to his carer?

[RachelWatts]

I attend a weekly toddler group with 2 year old DS2.

The key holder of the toddler group is a learning-disabled young man, who opens up and sets the toys out, then stays throughout the session and packs away at the end.

I tend to arrive early, straight after the school run, and help him set up.

One of the 'rules' of the toddler group is that the slide and trampoline must be on a mat before the children use them, but because of the way they are stored, the mats are the last things out of the shed.

This morning, the trampoline was the first thing unpacked, so DS2 ran for it and tried to climb on.

In order to prevent DS2 getting on the trampoline, the volunteer grabbed the trampoline and pulled it away, which caused DS2, who was halfway onto it at the time, to be tipped off and he banged his head on the floor.

Not surprisingly, he cried, and the volunteer told him off for 'throwing himself on the floor'.

I picked up DS2, and while comforting him, told the volunteer that no, DS2 had fallen when he moved the trampoline, and hadn't thrown himself to the floor in a display of temper.

WIBU to talk to one of the care assistants at his home (who I know personally as we went to the same toddler group with our DC1s) about this incident?

I'm not sure this young man understands that in enforcing the 'no trampolining without a mat' rule, he caused the scenario which the rule is there to prevent, as a child fell off the trampoline and hurt himself (although not seriously)

Sorry that your son got hurt and I appreciate that you are trying to do the right thing but I don't think you should have been in there when the equipment was being set up, it wasn't properly out at that point and you should have prevented your child running for it. I think as this is a one off it would be OTT to take it further.

YABU.

You know that it's the "rules" not to play on the equipment before it's set up. Therefore, it's your responsibilty to stop your child from trying to play on it until then.

I agree that perhaps his wasn't the best response but, ultimately, he was trying to make sure the rules were adhered to.

Your ds is your responsibility.
You were early , the group hadn't started yet.
You aren't helping this man by letting your toddler get in his way.
I'm doubtful if the public liability insurance would even cover you being there to be honest.

The volunteer should be allowed to set up the equipment without having to deal with children trying to climb on it.

If you can't keep your ds away from the equipment, it might be easier to just let the volunteer do the job alone.

YABU. I was a toddler group volunteer. Unless you are leaving your toddler there you are responsible for their behaviour and for making sure that they are safe. We would do our best to make sure things were safe but we couldn't be responsible for every single child who came in.
If toys are being set up (or any of the other activities that go one while the group is running) it is your responsibility to make sure your child is safe.

Are you unsure if he understood you op
Is that why you want to double check?

I said up thread that l don't think op is being unreasonable, because of the way the young helper "grabbed" the trampoline.
He might do that, if play had started?
A reminder to be careful, isn't that strange is it?

He'd have no reason to grab the trampoline when the group is up and running and the children being supervised by their parents. He was in the middle of setting up and the op let her child in to play; excusing this by "helping" to set up, most probably unsolicited.
She should wait outside like everybody else.

Of course the incident has to be addressed because an accident occurred. (Was an accident report completed and signed by both you and the volunteer?)

If part of the problem is the way that the equipment is stored, perhaps you or someone else should stay behind to put it away in a methodical order rather than you arriving early to set up and get DS started on his play activity sooner.

However, the one rule I would have whilst setting up large play equipment is NO CHILDREN IN THE ROOM.

You have compromised the volunteer's understanding, methodology and training by 'assisting' with setting up equipment whilst your DS is in the room unsupervised. The volunteer wasn't trained in how to safely eject a small child OFF the trampoline - but he knows that a child MUST NOT get on the trampoline without safety mats.

The safety of your DS is YOUR responsibility.

Have you barged in and taken over? Can this volunteer tell you that you must bring NOT your child in the room or have you set yourself up as the 'responsible adult' who knows better?

YABU because YOU caused this problem.

Now try to find ways to develop the volunteer's skills to stand up to pushing parents who think the key-holder doesn't work fast enough because of his SN.

Play hadn't started though.
He is a man with a job to do and he has the right to work without interference and without people running to his carers behind his back.

I agree with others here that letting your child run about while he is setting up the equipment isn't really very helpful is it? I also agree your attitude suggests you are seeing a disability and not a person and if you have any remaining concerns you should raise them with him. I would also stop helping him set up if children in tow, and come on time not early, as it seems like he knows what he's doing if left to his own devices.

Maybe I'm reading this wrong but if you go early to help set up, it's partly your fault that your son ran for the trampoline as it clearly was in the process of being set up

It's your responsibility to look after your child.

I agree with others that you should stop your Ds from using the equipment whilst it is being set up. This used to happen at a toddler grou I used to go to, and a little boy managed to pull some equipment over on top of himself - it wasn't the fault of the people setting up - the mum should have made sure he was safe, or not helped to set up.

I agree with PPs - do you go early specifically because he has asked you to help with the setting up, or because it's more convenient for you with the timing of the school run?

It sounds as if the young man is very aware of what is expected of him and of the rules regarding the use of play equipment. He was just adhering to what he had been told to do. Your DS should have been adequately supervised so that he did not start using the toys until they had been properly set up.

He shouldn't be letting you in to be honest.

It sounds like it's convenient for you to go early and so really you are taking advantage of his 'special needs' to suit your own schedule.

Leave him to set up and don't go until it's sorted and ready for the children to use.

Like everyone else does presumably.

I agree with the vast majority of the posters. Your son could have got hurt because you weren't watching him and allowed him to go on equipment which wasn't set up yet. I think the volunteer sounds like he is doing fine and doesn't thank your interference

You can all shout that IABU for answering again on this thread - but I am so annoyed at this OP.

Read the OP post post again.

• the key-holder (caretaker)
• becomes the volunteer
• with SN
• who should be reported to care assistants

I knew when I was writing my previous post that I didn't know whether to call him a 'volunteer' or a 'key-holder'.

The OP systematically devalued this person throughout her OP.

I hope the OP has the good grace to come back.

If it's accepted that children are allowed to be there during set up, and you are worried it may happen again, why not tell him it's been bothering you and see if you can figure out an alternative way to store the mats so they are out first?
You suggest his response was one of a teenage boy, I am an adult without learning disabilities but if someone spoke to me like I was a naughty teenager I imagine I would give a similar response.
Also, learning disability or not, he is a volunteer, he is giving up his time so you and your child can attend a toddler group. Go to his carer behind his back and he may decide it is not worth the hassle, then everyone loses out.

I don't think YABU at all, sadwidow.

I hadn't noticed that, but I had noticed her eye-rolling rather unpleasantly at how he ignores the toddlers but coos over the babies. As though that was somehow another thing he should be told off about.

why not say it op you are not happy about this man who happens to have sn being involved and it seems as though you can not wait to tell on him

i am sure he is aware of that too hence why the eye rolling which i would do too

though he could have shown a bit of sympathy towards your ds i get the impression he know he was going to be patronised

Sorry, YABU. Your toddler, your responsibility until everything is set up according to the 'rules'. NOT his fault. You should be looking after your toddler and letting the volunteer get on with his job.

Don't speak to his carer. Your child is your responsibility. If he won't stay off equipment till it is ready then keep him out/hold of him till it is ready.

I dont think yabu sadwidow it made me cross too

You are upset because your son was hurt, I understand that.

But the fault is yours. You let your child run onto unset up equipment. The key holder then reacted in a less than perfect way, but he reacted in order to stop your child being hurt.

I think if you speak to his supervisors you'll get this face -->