Should I talk about this toddler group volunteer to his carer?

[RachelWatts]

I attend a weekly toddler group with 2 year old DS2.

The key holder of the toddler group is a learning-disabled young man, who opens up and sets the toys out, then stays throughout the session and packs away at the end.

I tend to arrive early, straight after the school run, and help him set up.

One of the 'rules' of the toddler group is that the slide and trampoline must be on a mat before the children use them, but because of the way they are stored, the mats are the last things out of the shed.

This morning, the trampoline was the first thing unpacked, so DS2 ran for it and tried to climb on.

In order to prevent DS2 getting on the trampoline, the volunteer grabbed the trampoline and pulled it away, which caused DS2, who was halfway onto it at the time, to be tipped off and he banged his head on the floor.

Not surprisingly, he cried, and the volunteer told him off for 'throwing himself on the floor'.

I picked up DS2, and while comforting him, told the volunteer that no, DS2 had fallen when he moved the trampoline, and hadn't thrown himself to the floor in a display of temper.

WIBU to talk to one of the care assistants at his home (who I know personally as we went to the same toddler group with our DC1s) about this incident?

I'm not sure this young man understands that in enforcing the 'no trampolining without a mat' rule, he caused the scenario which the rule is there to prevent, as a child fell off the trampoline and hurt himself (although not seriously)

I was moving to remove DS2. I didn't see any urgency because it simply didn't occur to me that the man would try to move the trampoline from under him as he was climbing on.

OK - crossed wires here.

I volunteer because I am able to get there early after the school run. Both statements are true.

That's your interpretation of what happened OP and you appear to be using emotive language in Order to show that fault lies with the other volunteer. He didn't pull the equipment from under him- he attempted to move it from your son's reach.

I am now actually glad that the OP posted on MN and asked for opinions.

The collective view has enabled her to see that her immediate response to contact the key-holder's carers is unacceptable and she has agreed that she will not do it.

Well done OP.

However, talk about drip-feeding!

Now the OP tells us that the Toddler group is run by three adults - two to set up and one to keep the children of the volunteers occupied. (That appears to be 2 parents and this volunteer/key-holder). So when the 3rd person was stuck in traffic - the job that was 'abandoned' was the supervision of the children.

So, in fact, the parents are 'in charge' and this person is assigned to you to help out whilst he develops more social skills and understands responsibility.

Then YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE.

You have accepted this person as part of your team - he is the key-holder.

He has been trained regarding 'the safe use of equipment'

He has not been trained in supervision and playing with children (you said he stays in the session - watching - so he can put equipment away and lock up). You mention in the OP that equipment is not put back in order. Well, you are probably supposed to supervise that aspect as well - as the responsible adults.

With my Ofsted hat on - I would be recommending that BOTH 'RESPONSIBLE' PARENTS require further training. Your judgement was clearly lacking when this incident occurred. You should have waited for your 3rd team member to arrive and NOT compromise child safety.

I think the op had conceded she is BU, has apologised for any offence and has been very gracious :) To keep picking holes in her story might be seen as turning AIBU into a fight club, and we don't want that, do we?

It was an accident which you could have prevented. It happens to all parents at some point, but it is still your fault as it's for you to supervise your child. Get over it, move on and be more careful next time.

Rachel l'd give up now if l were you.
I don't think you are being heard.
The guy shouldn't have pulled the trampoline in the way he did. Not sure how anyone can argue any different.
Just because he has learning differences does not make him immune from constructive criticism.
The whole thing sounds nerve wracking.

fiveacres

I think it is important to discuss the flaws in their Toddler Group system to prevent any further possible situations which may result in a serious accident.

[OP] has apologised for any offence and has been very gracious

I haven't seen it on this thread. I have seen the blame-game!

I think you and your toddler should put out jigsaws or something next week then he is safe let the other volunteer do his job without your son being in danger if you are a volunteer you know procedure for setting up your son got hurt because of lack of supervision.

I apologised for causing offence by using insensitive language in my post on pg 5 at 17:48

This is a playgroup run by mums. Without mums to run it, there would be no playgroup

You said earlier that you are not involved in running it. You also said that the reason you don't wait outside is because this man's carer asked you to be on hand to guide him. Then everyone said YABU and now suddenly the whole group would fall apart without you.

There are no regulations about touching children which apply, as the parents are always with their children

Are you for real? You think a man volunteering in a place with small children has not regulations governing his physical contact with those children? You're having a laugh.

I would have no problem with DS2 being lifted off the equipment

You might not, but the one most likely to end up in deep shit for doing it might.

I do have a problem with the equipment being pulled out from under him

So supervise your child so that he's not on it when he shouldn't be.

I don't think op was looking to scapegoat him mrs
I really hope not, l didn't get that from her posts anyway.

Things are being read into my posts that I never said.

I get the impression it all happened really quickly?
I just feel he needs a reminder to be careful.
Regardless of op being 'remiss' you can't go around pulling equipment from under a small person.
I don't understand that he had a job to do, and was taking that seriously.

I do understand - sorry.

Mrs - if the other adult was a parent without LDs I would know how to deal with it.

this thread wouldn't exist if the other adult involved was another mum without LD

I would really like to believe that wasn't the case here. :(

My reading of it is (forgive me Rachel) :) that the OP hasn't had much experience of people with LDs and she has been told by someone who should know better to treat him like a teenager.

She now realises this advice was poor and she understands that perhaps she should have kept a close eye on her DS (no criticism there, mine have done the same sorts of things in the past) and will not be saying anything to the gentleman.

the point is, she asked on here. That's a good thing, isn't it?

I hate these threads where people pile in on the OP! I think that what comes out of this is that the rule that 3 people should be there for the set up - 2 to set out equipment and 1 to watch the kids of the people setting up - should be enforced. That seems like the reason the OP's DS was climbing on the equipment during the set-up in the first place.

But in this instance, the man was doing the job of setting up while there were unsupervised children around (because the parent of the child was also setting up). It's probably unfair to ask him to do that job (which is why there is normally an extra person there to supervise children during the setting up). But if he is expected to do that job, then he needs to be able to do it safely. If his reaction indicated that he was doing the job to a less than competent standard, AND he is going to be expected to do that job in future, that does seem problematic. It depends on the management of the group how you deal with that going forward, but it seems like something that should be taken up with management (such as it is) rather than the carer, if it's to be taken up with anyone.

OP - did you sit DS down and explain to him how his behaviour was unacceptable and how he might have been seriously hurt?

Did you also explain that the volunteer's actions were not meant to hurt DS, and that he was just following the rules to put mats down before equipment can be used?

Then did you make a mental note not to compromise the 'looking after DC rule' the next time someone gets stuck in traffic?

I agree there MrsD but I can also see how if someone directly caused harm to your child (by pulling away the trampoline in this case) you would 'blame' them. We are obviously more objective and can see the OP should have had her son not jump on it in the first place - and that isn't a criticism Rachel, mine have done similar things - my DS once ate a cake intended for someone else, I was MORTIFIED - but i do think asking on here about the best thing to do and taking what others have said on board shows that she's probably a pretty good egg

I am honestly not meaning to jump on the op i just think she was to quick to blame somebody else and I think this is why posters appear to be jumping on she didnt even think she wasin anyway at fault.