Should I talk about this toddler group volunteer to his carer?

[RachelWatts]

I attend a weekly toddler group with 2 year old DS2.

The key holder of the toddler group is a learning-disabled young man, who opens up and sets the toys out, then stays throughout the session and packs away at the end.

I tend to arrive early, straight after the school run, and help him set up.

One of the 'rules' of the toddler group is that the slide and trampoline must be on a mat before the children use them, but because of the way they are stored, the mats are the last things out of the shed.

This morning, the trampoline was the first thing unpacked, so DS2 ran for it and tried to climb on.

In order to prevent DS2 getting on the trampoline, the volunteer grabbed the trampoline and pulled it away, which caused DS2, who was halfway onto it at the time, to be tipped off and he banged his head on the floor.

Not surprisingly, he cried, and the volunteer told him off for 'throwing himself on the floor'.

I picked up DS2, and while comforting him, told the volunteer that no, DS2 had fallen when he moved the trampoline, and hadn't thrown himself to the floor in a display of temper.

WIBU to talk to one of the care assistants at his home (who I know personally as we went to the same toddler group with our DC1s) about this incident?

I'm not sure this young man understands that in enforcing the 'no trampolining without a mat' rule, he caused the scenario which the rule is there to prevent, as a child fell off the trampoline and hurt himself (although not seriously)

the care assistant at his home is not necessarily in charge of this man when he is setting up. it's very out of order to go dissing him to his carer.

Hedgehog - thanks. You are of course right - I see that.

I don't think this person has autism, although we don't need to know his diagnosis - none of our business. When someone asked (not me) they were told "think of him as a teenager"

Good post partridge. It can give you a shock when your child has been hurt, but I don't really think the volunteer is at fault here.

To be honest it all sounds like a bit of one off

there is normally someone else there to keep an eye on the children
it was 'forgotten' to put the trampoline upside down

It doesn't sound likely to happen again, and I think as part of the responsibility of guiding him through the setting up procedure, it is the responsibility of the helper to make sure that a) no children are running around and b) that the trampoline is put upside down before the mats are put out (if it is the sort of trampoline we used to have at our, it took 2 to put out anyway, especially if it has to be turned over)

Thanks five.

I will go out on a limb here: I have had very little experience in my life with social interactions with anyone with SN or SEN (child or adult), except for my younger brother who was autistic and died in an accident aged 3 (I was 6). This is mostly because I grew up in the Middle East, where children/adults with these conditions are generally kept hidden I now live in the UK, but my experience is still very limited.

If I was in the op's situation, I would probably be not sure what to do (if anything) as well and would be posting here for advice.

It's one of those little toddler trampolines with a handle - very light and easy for one person to move around.

Thanks everyone for the input.

I was probably a bit short with him when I was talking to him as DS2 was crying, and I didn't know how badly he was hurt, which might explain the huffy reaction.

I won't talk to his support worker.

You spoke to the guy he responded with eyerolling probably because you were not watching your son very well what would you say to this person you know obviously the volunteer has been interviewed and checked you obviously dont think he is safe why dont you speak to group organiser instead if you think he was rude about your toddler

"Think of him as a teenager"? Oh, dear. What a patronising and unhelpful thing for anyone to say about this man.

If you think that the problem was not properly addressed at the time, perhaps discuss it with the volunteer again. But it would be very unreasonable to talk to his carer.

OP, You asked why people were accusing you of seeing the disability first instead of the person.

Maybe because you describe him as a "learning disabled young man" instead of a "young man, with a learning disability"

I run a toddler group and people trying to help set up when they have kids with them is dangerous, unhelpful, irritating and against our health and safety policy. Don't go early to help. It sounds like a great idea but it really isn't. Go when the group starts then no more problems.

Glad you have decided not to talk to his care worker. If it takes three people to set up and there is only two of you then next time supervise your child properly so he doesn't jump on stuff that the other person is trying to set up.

It is not safe for a preschooler to be running about unsupervised in the circumstances that you describe. He could just as easily have fallen off the trampoline himself and been hurt as there was no mat. You should have left the helper to set up by himself really.

Btw Op -,if you don't know this man's diagnosis what makes you think that he is learning disabled?

I think YABU. If the equipment is in the process of being set up, it's your responsibility to stop your DCS from climbing on it before it's ready.

This ^

Thw overall procedure needs to be be reviewed.

Is there any reason why the safety mats can't go in last, so they are taken out first?

And why would you think of him as a teenager would you accept a teenager behaving in the way you think this man does in a volunteer setting im not trying an arguement but i dont understand why you felt the need to say this guy was learning disabled@@

I echo what everybody else has said, your child, your responsibility. The equipment was in the process of being set up and your child went on it before it was ready for use. Totally agree hedgehog, you talked to the man about the incident, why go behind his back, and speak to his carer, very patronising and rude. I have seen from your posts that you will not do this, so that's good. It's better if you came later with your child, when the equipment has been set up.

There's likely to be very little reason the kids can't be kept out of the room till it's up and running and open for business, as it were. The op's "help" is probably more of a hindrance. Setting out safety mats first is just acknowledging the fact that kids are going to be playing on the equipment mid setup, which shouldn't happen.

If the man did not have a LD and did this, you would not react the same. Your tone when speaking about the man is quite derogatory and patronising. If you are unhappy with him after this, incidents keep happening,speak to his manager at work, like anyone would in a normal work environment, not his carer.

The process is a bit of a fudge isn't it.
The rule should be the children are not on the equipment while it is being set up. The young man has probably absorbed the importance of that.

A child getting on the equipment before it was ready is the problem here. If the system doesn't stop children getting on the equipment as long as they can use it then that's not desperately helpful is it?

3cheeky op told the man herself, if she is concerned further, she should approach his supervisor at work or manager.