Should I talk about this toddler group volunteer to his carer?

[RachelWatts]

I attend a weekly toddler group with 2 year old DS2.

The key holder of the toddler group is a learning-disabled young man, who opens up and sets the toys out, then stays throughout the session and packs away at the end.

I tend to arrive early, straight after the school run, and help him set up.

One of the 'rules' of the toddler group is that the slide and trampoline must be on a mat before the children use them, but because of the way they are stored, the mats are the last things out of the shed.

This morning, the trampoline was the first thing unpacked, so DS2 ran for it and tried to climb on.

In order to prevent DS2 getting on the trampoline, the volunteer grabbed the trampoline and pulled it away, which caused DS2, who was halfway onto it at the time, to be tipped off and he banged his head on the floor.

Not surprisingly, he cried, and the volunteer told him off for 'throwing himself on the floor'.

I picked up DS2, and while comforting him, told the volunteer that no, DS2 had fallen when he moved the trampoline, and hadn't thrown himself to the floor in a display of temper.

WIBU to talk to one of the care assistants at his home (who I know personally as we went to the same toddler group with our DC1s) about this incident?

I'm not sure this young man understands that in enforcing the 'no trampolining without a mat' rule, he caused the scenario which the rule is there to prevent, as a child fell off the trampoline and hurt himself (although not seriously)

And if you do decide to take it further, FGS ring the home and go through the proper channels, don't just collar your mate who you happen to know to have a gossip.

Thanks for the responses, although I'm not sure why some of you have the impression I see his disability first. I mention it in the OP because I felt it was relevant.

I arrive early to set up because it needs three adults - two to set up and one to keep the children of the volunteers occupied.

Unfortunately today there were only two - me and him - as the third volunteer was stuck in traffic.

His carer, who arranged for him to help out, asks us to be on hand to give guidance, so waiting outside was not an option.

This morning, he was getting equipment out of the shed while I was getting smaller toys out of the cupboard at the other end of the room.

DS2 was with me, until he saw the trampoline and legged it. Usually the trampoline is put down on it's side or upside down so it can't be used, but this time he forgot.

Oh and he's not a caretaker. He is a volunteer to help out with the toddler group and has the keys as he is getting experience with having more responsibility.

Regardless of what should and shouldn't have happened with setting up the fact is this man has poor judgement and understanding of children and because of it a child was hurt. He needs to be helped to understand that enforcing the rules above all else isn't always appropriate.

So it's his fault again?
You sound ridiculously precious I'm afraid and who cares if he's not the caretaker and 'just' a key holder you seem determined to vilify this man

It is not that man's job to look after the kids.
Please don't go talking about him to anyone behind his back.
You are the one at fault. I understand it only takes a split second for a toddler to run off but that doesn't change the fact it was still your responsibikity.
" he forgot " just shows that you are shifting the blame onto him.

I don't get a negative feeling from op
I think if you've just seen your child hurt, you go over it somewhat.
Are you going to go later now Rachel Maybe leave him to it?
He obviously likes his routine. :)

So you are there in an official capacity, op? Because that statement is at odds with "I tend to arrive early, straight after the school run, and help him set up".

One of them is a complete porkie.

So what would you do if he didn't have a carer to run telling tales to if it isn't about his disability?

Look, there was a minor incident for which you were both equally to blame. You spoke to him about it already. Now let it go.

I don't get a negative vibe from the op either, other than frustration that it happened at all.

OP, I'd suggest that if you go along again that you assist with getting the mats out and placed on the floor first thing. Maybe stand the trampoline on its side (or suggest to the volunteer that he do so) so that kids can't get on it?

Maybe he'll start a thread about reporting you for not supervising your ds whilst he is lugging around equipment and as a result the little boy got hurt?

I agree with FloggingMolly. You're either there in an official capacity (like him) or you arrive early and "help" (like you said in your OP)

I do hope you're not the one keeping an eye on the "other" volunteers' kids though, when you don't seem able to keep an eye on your own.

DS2 jumping on the trampoline without a mat would not have been a problem if this man's reaction had not been to tip him off it.

He was the only child there and is able to use the equipment confidently, so was in no more danger with the equipment off the mat than on it, so I wasn't constantly at his side. I didn't anticipate any danger.

I do not mean to blame this man, and I mentioned that he prefers babies and does not interact with the toddlers to illustrate that he may not have much experience with this age group.

Right, so it's your system that's at fault. The system is, two to set up, one to occupy the children. When there's two to set up and no-one to occupy the children, that's when it goes wrong.

So if you are going to take anything further, that's what you should be focussing on. Perhaps you have to have additional precautions when short staffed, like standing the big equipment on its side. Or the 'early' person can't help and you have to deal with a slightly later start.

And if you really can't see what the majority of posters on the thread see, regarding the way you spoke to and about this man, then at least you've learned something from it and maybe next time will think before you speak huh?

Some people with LDs can have very rigid thinking.

If the rule is no jumping without a mat, then that's the thing they'll act to.

you could suggest they review the storage so mats go in last and come out first.

you could tell your child to not go on any equipment while it being set up. if you helping set up, you need to make sure your child is safe.

you should tell the organizer of the play group to review their procedures, not the young man. he was probably acting as he was told "no kids on trampoline without a mat" and its the playgroup organizer who needs to review procedures and maybe give clearer instructions "if a child does climb on the equipment tell their parent/carer" .

I have a support worker because I have autism. I also have a long history of volunteering with various kids groups. If I made a mistake and a parent went behind my back to discuss it with my carer I'd be absolutely fucking livid. It's the equivalent of moving somebody's wheelchair out of your way without their consent. It's patronising, disrespectful and bloody rude.

Ffs another 'aibu?'
YABU.
No I'm not!!!!

Hedgehog - your last sentence captures exactly my thoughts about this post much better than I could have. Thank you.

Sorry but no I don't think you are right to speak to his carer. He was doing his job and while his reaction was wrong, you spoke to him and it won't happen again hopefully. At any rate, next time watch your own child to ensure he does not go on the equipment while the setting up is done.

You are just as much to fault here as the other volunteer so chalk it up to experience.

I'm there semi-officially. I used to be a key-holder and committee member when DS1 was a toddler.

I am avoiding being a committee member this time, but I'm one of only three people who take it in turns to help set up (hence 'tend to' as it's not every week) and if we didn't there would be no group.

so basically you as the parent should not have started setting out anything while there was no one to watch your child. you didn't follow the rules - one volunteer to watch the children.

so it was your decision really that led to the incident. at least you now know that you cant trust your ds to stand still and watch you, and you know that you should follow procedures. people with LD think rigidly often. you bent the rules, not him. speak to the organizers about putting up a sign to reinforce the rules - three at setting up, two setting up and one to watch the kids.

Also, if my carer discussed my 'mistake' with somebody behind my back because the complainer was her mate, she'd be looking for another job.

At least the op asked for opinions on whether she should go and talk to the carer rather than just doing it; if you're not sure how best to proceed (or indeed, whether to proceed at all) and you don't want to upset anybody/hurt any feelings, then you ask others for advice before going ahead. I think that's a respectful action, if anything.

I presume on the basis of this thread that the op will not be talking to the carer, which is the right outcome IMO.