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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed this woman asked my husband to zip her dress up?

347 replies

mynameisvivienne · 17/05/2015 21:38

My friend had a house party last night for her birthday. She has a large kitchen so most of us were in there when a random woman asked my husband to zip her dress up as it was coming down at the back.

She was with friends and has never met my husband (or me) ever before.

Aibu to have been annoyed?

OP posts:
TheNewStatesman · 18/05/2015 03:37

I wouldn't care for my own part if someone asked my husband do up her dress. I would find it weird behavior--surely you would ask a woman to do this unless there was no woman in the room at the time?

BuyMeAPony · 18/05/2015 03:54

I agree with newstatesman. If I didn't know a soul in the room, I would ask a woman. And if I was the only woman (obviously not the case here) I'd look for someone who had their hands free, ie wasn't standing with an arm around someone. Very odd. I can't believe how many people think it would be socially acceptable behaviour.

BuyMeAPony · 18/05/2015 03:56

But I've been away from the UK for a while. Perhaps parties are full of people in various states of undress and assisting one another.

googoodolly · 18/05/2015 05:17

I agree that it's odd to ask a random man over your friends that are stood right next to you. That definitely smacks of attention seeking on her part.

But I think YABU to get really upset by it. From the sounds of it, you don't know her and won't see her again, so there's no point dwelling on it anymore.

Jenny70 · 18/05/2015 05:47

Odd, but not annoying to me. I would guess she either just noticed and DH was closest that could discretely do it. Or she thought he looked least drunk/sleazy person that would do it and not grope her, or make lewd jokes.

Trust my husband and wouldn't cause me a second thought.

PeachyPants · 18/05/2015 06:23

I don't think it has anything to do with OP being insecure or not being able to trust her DH it's just about the zip woman being disrespectful to her.

WilburIsSomePig · 18/05/2015 06:39

Oi! You, you jug eared cunt! Do my fucking zip up before I kick you in the nadgers!" = Rude. GrinGrinGrin

OP I'm not in the least a jealous person but I may have raised an eyebrow at a woman asking DH to do this as she was with her friends. If she had been standing talking to DH on their own I wouldn't gave given it a thought.

mrsduff · 18/05/2015 07:13

OP, what did she do after her zip was re-fastened? Did she spend the rest of the night making eyes at your husband across a crowded kitchen? Or did she stay with her friends and not give it a second thought?

Zip fastening is OK in my book, but as the opening volley for a night of furious flirting, not so OK.

nerfgunsftw · 18/05/2015 07:27

If I wanted my wedding flower button hole thing sticking on then I would instinctively want a woman to do it. If I couldn't find my wife or my mother or my sister or a friend then perhaps the next choice would be someone who is obviously with her partner so it didn't look like flirting.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 18/05/2015 07:33

I think it's vaguely flirty, but surely that's the kind of thing that makes a party interesting?

propelusagain · 18/05/2015 07:34

It's flirting.

My SILs best friend is prone to stripping off completely in drunken situations and rubbing herself against men.

DocHollywood · 18/05/2015 07:37

Were they playing a dare game? You know, 'Go on I dare you to walk over to THAT person and....' ask them to do your zip up/sit on their lap/take their drink away/wink and say 'I had a great time last night, etc

I would think it slightly odd but not annoying unless I was having doubts about my partner's fidelity then I would probably assume this was his latest squeeze trying to embarrass himGrin

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 18/05/2015 07:40

Goodness now I see that some think the OP's husband should have refused her request. How very awkward! Chivalry is dead.

FenellaFellorick · 18/05/2015 07:43

She was flirting.

I wouldn't be jumping for joy if someone did that right in front of me either, Vivienne. It would make me feel quite unhappy for that moment. I don't think I'd be grinning away at the sweetness of it. ahh, bless, look at her walking past her mates to ask my husband to do up her dress... I think I'd feel a tad miffed about it. At the very least I would be of the opinion it was a little inappropriate.

Yes, ok, it's not like she asked him to do up her bra or check her chicken fillets but it would still not make me go hey, that was such fun I really enjoyed her asking that and you doing it.

propelusagain · 18/05/2015 07:49

Did your OH oblige?

My OH would have told her to fuck off.

derxa · 18/05/2015 07:54

OP YANBU It was flirting and she is a whore of Babylon. If some woman asked my husband to do up her zip then she would get my special death stare. DH would have done the deed with an ironic smile because he would know that he would have had an endless grilling later.

He quite enjoys me being jealous and it's part of our dynamic.

formerbabe · 18/05/2015 07:58

I think its outrageous behaviour to do this. Why not ask one of the women in the room?...or if you must ask a man, try and chose a single one!

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 18/05/2015 08:06

Right, I've read half the thread.

If a woman walked up to my DH (a stranger to her), bypassing her friends, and then asked him to adjust an item of clothing, I'd find it weird. Most people are more comfortable asking their friends to help with clothing adjustments rather than strangers, unless of course they're aiming to get to know the stranger better Wink so if said woman specifically asked my DH while he had his arm around me (a pretty clear signal that he is coupled up) then I'd think she was deliberately being somewhat rude and disrespectful of both me and DH. So actually I don't think op IBU, no.

BasinHaircut · 18/05/2015 08:08

Is it a bit flirty? Yes, possibly, but I'd need a bit more context. It equal could have been completely innocent.

as an isolated incident, I can't imagine getting worked up about it, but if she used it as an ice breaker to have a full on flirty discussion with DH complete with lots of fake laughing and touching then that would be another issue. Well, actually it wouldn't because I can't imagine my DH wouldn't stand there engaging in this sort of scenario whilst simultaneously having his arm around me. That would just be weird.

ThisTimeIAmMagic · 18/05/2015 08:18

YANBU to be taken aback. It's hard to know if she was just pissed rather than flirting but it would be normal to ask another woman not a man to help in this situation.

MaidOfStars · 18/05/2015 09:15

If I wanted my wedding flower button hole thing sticking on then I would instinctively want a woman to do it
But that's assuming (perhaps correctly) that any woman is likely to have 'a better eye' for such frippery. As far as I know, there is no equivalent gender gap for doing up zips.

Has the location of the zip been confirmed? Grin

OP, assuming it was down down her back, tell us about her hair. When I want husband to do up a zip, I hold my hair up, lengthen neck, half look over shoulder (see Derek). With a friend, I'd hold my hair to one side and look straight ahead.

My husband would want the ground to swallow him up, and would immediately refer the job to me.

BathtimeFunkster · 18/05/2015 09:17

I think it's vaguely flirty, but surely that's the kind of thing that makes a party interesting?

Think I'd rather go to the glassing party than one where being an embarrassing and obvious flirt is needed to make it "interesting".

YANBU - she was being a twat.

Well done also for seeing off the schoolyard bullies piling in to humiliate you at the start of your thread. :)

BoyScout · 18/05/2015 09:27

She was totally flirting but I wouldn't be annoyed, I'd be amused and pitying in equal measure.

VenusRising · 18/05/2015 09:44

As someone who watches too many nature programmes, I think she was pulling a Primate number on you OP.
In animal groups she was asserting her access to a male "owned" by another female.

She was trying to challange you, by asking your dp to "groom" her.

If you want to go with the monkey explanation and not be annoyed by it anymore, I would think of it as inappropriate attempt at "grooming" a trophy male by a 'lower ranking' i.e. unattached female monkey.

In baboon groups she'd get a thump I suppose. Up to you what you want to do.

Ahem, ladies, be nice to the OP, you look bad slagging her off for having her feelings about this. She's entitled to feel whatever she wants, at least that's what I read in the relationships section.

PickleSarnie · 18/05/2015 09:46

I've ask a married man at work to do my zip up for me before.

I don't want in his pants. I just couldn't reach it myself (the zip, not his pants)