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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed this woman asked my husband to zip her dress up?

347 replies

mynameisvivienne · 17/05/2015 21:38

My friend had a house party last night for her birthday. She has a large kitchen so most of us were in there when a random woman asked my husband to zip her dress up as it was coming down at the back.

She was with friends and has never met my husband (or me) ever before.

Aibu to have been annoyed?

OP posts:
TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 17/05/2015 22:53

So ridiculous. If I'm away on business ill ask whoever I'm travelling with to help with tricky zips or whatnot.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 17/05/2015 22:55

What about in the middle of a party in the middle of all your friends, Troll?

Original poster
mynameisvivienne · 17/05/2015 22:57

You decide that it's funny with the wrong woman and you'll end up glassed.

Jesus, what kind of parties do you go to

I remember watching a program called "Balls of Steels" where one part of the show was a woman would flirt with a man who was out with his girlfriend.

She was threatened with violence in a couple. I also saw one where the girlfriend grabbed her and pulled her by her hair.

Obviously this behaviour is disgusting but sadly the world we live in you never know how another person might react to your actions.

OP posts:
Roseforarose · 17/05/2015 22:57

What would annoy me about it is the fact that the woman presumed she had the power to flirt with my DH, kind of implying that he would be bound to find her attractive and that I was inconsequential. I'd see it as a put down on me.

Original poster
mynameisvivienne · 17/05/2015 22:59

If I'm away on business ill ask whoever I'm travelling with to help with tricky zips or whatnot.

Not the same situation though is it.

OP posts:
bottleofbeer · 17/05/2015 22:59

It was rude to the op, not him. Obviously.

PeachyPants · 17/05/2015 23:03

You've led a sheltered life if you've never seen women scrapping in night clubs over some bloke. Many people will not take kindly to someone flirting with their partner, some of those people will tend to settle disputes with their fists and add alcohol to the mix and your playing a risky game if that's how you get your kicks.

Gabilan · 17/05/2015 23:03

"If the man who your flirting or his partner doesn't find it funny is it still ok?"

No, obviously not. Generally if in doubt, I don't flirt with someone I know has a partner unless I know that partner is very secure and will also think it's funny. Usually this means it's a couple I know well.

Flirting doesn't mean you want to run off with someone and have their babies. Some people are just flirtatious, and mean very little by it. And often it's not specifically what they do, but the way the do it. Some people would make "please can you adjust my zip" seem very dull and asexual. Other people can make "please pass the cheese" sound like a proposition.

"You decide that it's funny with the wrong woman and you'll end up glassed."

Thanks, but I've made it all the way to 43 without any remote threat of physical violence. Really, human communication can be light-hearted and fun.

Silverdaisy · 17/05/2015 23:04

In a situation like described I would be surprised. Standing with friends, why then ask a stranger with your dress? if on your own on a work trip, then obviously you may need to ask for help.

I don't see it as something to be remotely jealous of, I would probably see it as attention seeking. Maybe she had a few too many?

GatoNaranja · 17/05/2015 23:06

I think a slightly differently worded op would have been good Vivienne. To get people to understand your way of thinking you kind of need to supply them with more info. Your responses have been very brittle and are perhaps doing you no favours as you are giving out signals that you are quite scary!

Would I think it odd that a random woman asked my dh to do up her zip at a party? Possibly. But it would depend on a) how she asked him, b) how low the zip was, and c) whether she did anything else after that to stir my resentment! You haven't answered any of these questions in your posts so perhaps that is why you're not getting the slightly more constructive answers you'd prefer.

PeachyPants · 17/05/2015 23:06

But if you know that partner is very secure and will also think it's funny then it's a fundamentally different situation to the one the OP has described.

Roseforarose · 17/05/2015 23:10

You've led a sheltered life if you've never seen women scrapping in night clubs over some bloke
I agree, some women would go berserk at far less than what this woman did.

VanillaTwirl · 17/05/2015 23:12

I'm with happybodybunny on this one (and actual lol at the blinkers etc OP!)

If I had been in your position OP, I would have done it up for her with a warm and winning smile, whilst complimenting her on her shoes/hair/perfume/dress - people who do that sort of overbearing flirting with someone who is obviously with someone else don't usually react well to the woman flirting back with them ime.

Momagain1 · 17/05/2015 23:13

What I find amazing is other adults are so innocent they really can't recognise a flirt when they see one.

The would be my dh. First Christmas we were together he noticed I didnt perfume my christmas cards. I was Hmm what?

It seems that, other than his mum and aunties, every christmas/birthday card he had receieved from a girl/woman was perfumed. Not a lot, evidently, but a few each year. He just thought girls did that. I had perfumed the letters I had sent him, further proof that girls perfume outgoing mail. Then he pulls cards from students in the courses he was assisting from his pack back. Every one was from a female, most had the sort of innocent and yet flirty comments like

'has been wonderful working with you this semester. Hope to see you on campus in the spring!Grin GrinGrin '

Dots over i's are hearts of course and the dot under the exclamation point too. Some had photos. All had phone numbers. Even the ones with no notes. He had really only had one girl friend as an under graduate. The last year. when I explained the signifigance of perfume it still took a few moments for the 'wait, I could have got laid sooner/more?' thought to actually formulate.

silly man

PeachyPants · 17/05/2015 23:14

That would have been genius VanillaTwirl make her think that you'd taken it as a invite for a threesome, fantastic come back!

cococandyfloss · 17/05/2015 23:14

Goodness OP , people are rude tonight-I can't believe you have been called mental.

Woman has zip problem and asks nearest person to her -of course that is normal.
Woman at a party with friends but walks over to someone else who has their arm round their partners waist and asks them to do her zip up is a bit odd.
Are people on this thread who are slagging off the OP really saying that if they were with their friends and their zip came undone that they wouldn't just ask their friend and would go and seek someone else who wasn't next to them to do it?
If you have a very secure relationship or have trust issues isn't really relevant and it doesn't change the fact that it is odd behaviour on zip woman's part.

Twochipsnobiff · 17/05/2015 23:15

She was being rude, and I would be taken aback too, viv. I am not generally jealous of a partner, but feel I am rather boundaried and would not expect this socially. It was quite clear you were together as a couple, so I'm not sure what she was thinking?

You seem to have the entirely reasonable expectation that a stranger would respect your relationship. I'd rather that than be desperately clinging on to being a 'cool' wife!

VanillaTwirl · 17/05/2015 23:18

And YY to gabilan - I have been told that I flirt with ' everyone ', it is not something I do on purpose it is just how I am.
I call it charm Wink, but I could make "pass the cheese" sound waaay more sexual than someone else requesting a zip-up!

SumThucker · 17/05/2015 23:22

You've led a sheltered life if you've never seen women scrapping in night clubs over some bloke.

I was actually saying it tongue in cheek, Peachy, I've witnessed plenty of crazy bitches in my time, believe me (and my friend was hit on the cheekbone with a bottle of Bacardi Breezer for doing her 'sexy dancing' at a house party once). I'm from Manchester, I know how some women can react Grin

Original poster
mynameisvivienne · 17/05/2015 23:38

Your responses have been very brittle and are perhaps doing you no favours as you are giving out signals that you are quite scary

Scary? Confused

Does anyone else find me scary?

I give short replies as I think it's easy to be sucked into AIBU and be extremely offended by what some people say. Sadly sometimes if people can see that they get a reaction from you then more people will come on and say the same as they enjoy the "entertainment"

I'd rather take it with a open mind and process what has been said without hopefully being offended or hurt.

I also don't get the whole I'm doing myself no favours. I asked a question in AIBU - therefore I clearly want opinions. Why should I change and not be myself in the hope that I get more YANBU's?? Seems to defeat the point.

I'm not sure why that makes me the stuff of nightmares.

OP posts:
TwinkieTwinkle · 17/05/2015 23:38

Oh goodness, were her ankles showing? If so, what a harlot!

myusernameisusername · 18/05/2015 00:37

women like you make me laugh op you have a wedding ring on your finger what more do you want his balls in a jar on your dressing table Grin if you don't already

whiteiris · 18/05/2015 00:57

Ew that was tacky behaviour from her. I would have been very annoyed. I would have hoped that my dp would say no to doing it, but I suppose most people would just automatically comply with the request.

Botanicbaby · 18/05/2015 00:59

no you are not scary at all OP, I am sure she could have asked her friends to zip her up in the first place, seems a bit attention-seeking and odd to ask a random stranger.

However, the question I'd be really asking is are you more pissed off with him for complying with it rather than her for asking in the first place? How'd your DH feel if the situation were reversed? OK? If so, then I wouldn't give it a second thought.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 18/05/2015 02:13

Yes she was flirting, and yes she was rude. Probably insecure in her attractiveness or needs affirmation that she can get any mans attention. Bit sad really.
If she had been quicker you could have jumped in with a 'Here, let me dear' and zipped her up yourself.

Then patted her in the back and suggest she try getting her dresses from somewhere with better cut and finishing.'it does make all the difference you know. Dear'
:)

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