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AIBU?

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Original poster

School closes for memorial

384 replies

memorial · 16/05/2015 19:13

Small village primary school, about 120 children from nursery to Yr 6.
A young girl is diagnosed with a brain tumour a few years ago, and died last week. She has a younger sibling in the school. Obviously all the teachers are heartbroken.
But a lot of the children and parents dont know her or her family. Her year group are now in Year 7 so have left the primary.
The school is closing early at 12pm for the memorial. There are obviously a fair number of families who wont go as they have no link or ties to this little girl. But equally all the teachers want to go, and there will be a good number of children and families going.
The memorial is at 1:30pm very close to the school.
There are some disgruntled parents that the whole school is closing.
I am purposefully not saying which side of this I am on.
Is the school BU to close early?

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 16/05/2015 20:46

ANYONE has the right to time off work for a funeral. It has been explained how/why ALL the teachers want/need/feel they should go to this particular memorial.

would you rather they drew lots and only half of them were allowed to go while the other half supervised some supply teachers? yes, I'm sure their minds would really be on their jobs and their classes would benefit hugely from those few hours of teaching time...Hmm

MrsTedCrilly · 16/05/2015 20:48

Some people just exist in their own bubble with no thought for others.. They will see this as an inconvenience to their day. Very sad way to live..
Rest in peace little lovely Flowers

SauvignonBlanche · 16/05/2015 20:48

Does their desire to attend the memorial, override their duty to provide a service to the children who do not wish to go?

Err, yes. Hmm

Flowers for MrsDV and anyone else who has experienced the devastation of the death of a child.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 16/05/2015 20:49

oh well done dinosaur, so its now the bereaved family's fault for picking the wrong time of day??? You know, a time that suits them and their needs, not the needs of other selfish parents in the village! Hmm

kali110 · 16/05/2015 20:50

No,not unreasonable at all.
Yes a small inconvience to parents for one afternoon, a lifetime of misery for some parents!
Why should the parents hold it in the school??
They can hold it wear they like!
Good on this school.
When my parent died, a building funded by the public closed a department as all staff wanted to go to their funeral.
My family were touched.
I would never complain over this.
I would have a little moment of annoyance of having to change plans and then i would kick myself up the arse at being so selfish and inconsiderate.

MrsDeVere · 16/05/2015 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 16/05/2015 20:51

MrsDV, your words from the perspective of a bereaved parent have been calm and measured. You are very brave posting on this thread at all, and I hope this has not left you feeling too "raw" reliving painful memories.

OllyBJolly · 16/05/2015 20:51

The problem is that too many parents see school as a childcare service. "oh no, how can I cope? I have to arrange childcare".

Closing the school as a mark of respect is a wonderful lesson that life is precious and every child is important.

DinosaursRoar · 16/05/2015 20:52

PHANTOM - if it was a memorial service additional to a funeral to provide an opportunity for teachers and friends to pay their respects, then putting it at a time they could do easily would make sense. Even if the family weren't thinking about that, surely someone in the organisation process might have mentioned making it at that time on a weekday would mean either the school would have to close or the teachers wouldn't be able to go.

YellowLemons · 16/05/2015 20:52

Mrs DV Flowers I'm so sorry about the crassness of some posters.

ConfusedInBath · 16/05/2015 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justusemyname · 16/05/2015 20:53

Our school is tiny. 60 kids. That's all. I wouldn't mind if they shut for a bloody month Ffs if a child died. Have some bloody compassion.

SallyMcgally · 16/05/2015 20:54

amybear of course it's about that little girl and her family. It's about reaching out to that family at the most terrible time of their lives and walking beside them for a few hours (so long as they agree to it) because of a need to show them love and thought. Of course it's about a little girl whom the teachers and school loved and lost. charis put it well - you can't overestimate strength of love. And it's right to show children that sometimes, yes, the world does have to stop, and you put everything aside for a while to show people that you care. And if you can't do that for a 12 year old girl, then what in god's name are we all coming to?

SauvignonBlanche · 16/05/2015 20:55

Even if the family weren't thinking about that
Why the fuck should they? Angry

Please think before you post!

DinosaursRoar · 16/05/2015 20:56

MrsDV - unless I've missed something, this isn't the little girls funeral, this is a seperate event for the wider community to show their respects - and for a girl of that age, that would mainly be teachers and school children, plus their families. If the school hadn't closed, all those people who were really the people it was being held for wouldn't be able to attend.

ICUB4UCMe · 16/05/2015 20:56

OP, Thanks

If it's a small school then I think it's right that they close although it would have been an idea to see if there was anyone that could provide childcare for parents who are unable to find someone to watch their children if they have to work.

Welshmaenad · 16/05/2015 20:56

A little lad in my dd's class died in a very tragic accident just this week. We are yet to be yold if when the funeral will be but I hope our HT closes the school to allow as many staff and pupils to attend as wish to. I will certainly take my children if the family are happy for this to happen.

It's not about it being a publicly funded institution or childcare issues or inconvenience. It's part of the process of helping young children come to terms with the death of one of their own. I have been so impressed and moved by how proactive the school have been in supporting students, I hope staff are being similarly supported, and this is part of that supportive ethos - time and space to say goodbye, a mark of respect, proper acknowledgement of the loss. It will help the kids, it will help the staff, it will MASSIVELY help younger sibs and it will show the family how much the school community recognises and shares their loss.

Anyone who moans about that because of some small inconvenience to their day is frankly a cunt.

MrsDeVere · 16/05/2015 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 16/05/2015 20:59

'This isn't about the deceased child or the bereaved family'

Holy fucking Christ.

Amybear, it must be really vile living inside your head. Sad

SilverNightFairy · 16/05/2015 20:59

Dear God, to any parent who has lost a child Flowers Whatever inconvenience I might face having to figure out what do about an unexpected school closure is nothing compared to what the family of that little girl is going through.

SallyMcgally · 16/05/2015 20:59

I work in a university and remember when we lost two students who were just 20. Head of Dept never even told us there was a memorial mass on campus. We found out afterwards. He hadn't bothered to write to the parents when their children died, but I had, and I was so upset that they must have thought that none of the rest of us could be bothered to turn up and talk to them about their child. I never forgave him for that and I never will. That was 15 years ago.

Welshmaenad · 16/05/2015 21:01

MrsDeVere Flowers

I hope anyone who moaned about your DD's memorial got thrush that day.

SallyMcgally · 16/05/2015 21:03

Thanks mrsdevere I'm so sorry for how hurtful this must be for you x

SilverNightFairy · 16/05/2015 21:03

Mrs.D, you won't remember me because I name change often but your kind and sensible posts have often been a source of inspiration to me. Please please clear any negativity from any posts you might read here. You and your family have been through too much to be brought down by any fuckwittery from random posters.

Welshmaenad · 16/05/2015 21:04

Also, and I hope this brings you some comfort MrsDV, I lost a friend in primary school, again in a really awful accident. He died 24 years ago. I still think of him all the time, and miss him. I look at old school photographs and think he should be in them. I think about the life and family he never got to have.

I'm sure that for every parent who complained about the inconvenience to them when your daughter died, there are twenty school friends who miss her and remember her fondly, like I do.