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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School closes for memorial

384 replies

memorial · 16/05/2015 19:13

Small village primary school, about 120 children from nursery to Yr 6.
A young girl is diagnosed with a brain tumour a few years ago, and died last week. She has a younger sibling in the school. Obviously all the teachers are heartbroken.
But a lot of the children and parents dont know her or her family. Her year group are now in Year 7 so have left the primary.
The school is closing early at 12pm for the memorial. There are obviously a fair number of families who wont go as they have no link or ties to this little girl. But equally all the teachers want to go, and there will be a good number of children and families going.
The memorial is at 1:30pm very close to the school.
There are some disgruntled parents that the whole school is closing.
I am purposefully not saying which side of this I am on.
Is the school BU to close early?

OP posts:
ConfusedInBath · 17/05/2015 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoldierBear · 17/05/2015 12:31

Okay, Amy - seeing as you have comprehension difficulties as well as a compion bypass, here is an explanation:

You said that because some LEAs have a policy that states a school should not shut for the funeral of a pupil, therefore your opinion cannot be wrong

This is false logic. The mere existence of a policy does not mean that the content of that policy is either correct or morally right.

I gave the example of apartheid to demonstrate how a policy (or in this case, law) can be blatantly wrong. And therefore anyone who agrees with the policy is also wrong.

I hope that is simple enough for you to understand.

And if you say "this is my final word" you look pretty stupid to post a few minutes later. not that you had a whole lot of credibility in the first place.

AldiQ7 · 17/05/2015 12:36

My final word on the subject.
If the majority of LEAs agree with non-closure, then my opinion cannot be so wrong.

Off you fuck then.

not sure what apartheid has to do with anything though

Justusemyname · 17/05/2015 12:54

Amy, I really hope you never lose anyone. Are you truly feeling what shit you post or are you being a GF?

Justusemyname · 17/05/2015 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

clam · 17/05/2015 13:20

Might have missed this, but is there some reason (in the twisted world that Amy inhabits) that means that kitchen staff can't also be grieving for the child in their community who has died? It's a village school, and therefore likely that most of the ancilliary staff are local and that they and their own children more than likely know/are close to the family concerned.

But no, Amy is "suspicious" that they might be angling for a day off. Hmm Angry

Icimoi · 17/05/2015 13:22

Amybear, the majority of local authorities fail to comply with the law on provision for special educational needs. Does that make them right?

Pipbin · 17/05/2015 13:25

If the majority of LEAs agree with non-closure, then my opinion cannot be so wrong.
Hmmmm. I could say something here but then I would be evoking Godwins Law and that is the last refuge of a poor poster. Needless to say there have been points in history when government rules have been very wrong even though the public have agreed.

And as for the suggestion that some supply teachers could show a film........... SCHOOL IS NOT CHILDCARE if all you want out of your child's school day is that you didn't have to look after them then you have missed the point.
As previous posters said, do what you would do if the building burnt down overnight.

kissmethere · 17/05/2015 13:25

This thread is going no where.
Serious lack of compassion from certain posters to put it mildly.
As others have said out of respect this is a time when opinions need to be kept to yourselves, not on here in RL. Cann even imagine that any parents would have the

kissmethere · 17/05/2015 13:28

Bloody phone...

I can't even imagine that anyone would have the gall to go and complain to the HT about this and be looked on favourably. I Really don't think I'd even want to speak to someone who'd oppose the school closing. definitely a time to keep thoughts to themselves.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/05/2015 13:49

It's a very sad situation, always a terrible shock even where there has been a long illness and it's much worse somehow when it's a child.

I'm agreeing with RaininginBaltimore though, because I'm wondering why a memorial (not a funeral?) can't be held on a weekend so that everybody who would want to attend, can?

I can imagine the knee-jerking 'lack of compassion' posts now but if it's not the actual funeral, why not the weekend? If it were my child in school and this were one of her classmates, I'd want some time with my child to process what's happening and spend time with her and take her to the memorial... I couldn't do that in the week and I imagine many parents can't.

It's up to the parents, of course, but I can understand why there is some dissent about school closure in the week and I wonder whose decision that was?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/05/2015 13:51

Is this the funeral or a memorial? I understand closing for a FUNERAL, of course.

clam · 17/05/2015 13:54

The dissent about school closure comes only from parents who are so selfish and inward-thinking that they are only thinking about themselves, rather than the bigger picture.
Why is it people just suck up a closure for, say a boiler breakdown in the winter, but quibble about closure for a bereavement.

ConfusedInBath · 17/05/2015 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 17/05/2015 13:59

Yes cause the first thought on my mind if my child had just died is trying not to inconvenience other people
FFS

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/05/2015 14:01

I don't think they do, clam, they complain about that. If the parents have chosen the date and time then fair enough, it was just a question.

tbh, another question would be why this isn't in 'bereavement'. Some of the responses are just as horrible as some of the comments.

confusedinbath... indeed. You don't know anything about the posters you're posting alongside either.

SallyMcgally · 17/05/2015 14:01

The child died only last week. Whether it's a funeral or a memorial her parents have made the decision about when and where to remember her life. I don't think that the posters complaining about lack of compassion are having 'knee-jerk' reactions. That suggests that if we had time to sit back and reflect on it we'd feel differently. I have thought about it since last night. I don't feel differently at all. The parents' wishes about how to remember their daughter should be paramount. The school is absolutely right to show support and compassion and caring (and is teaching its charges a valuable lesson in doing so). Anything else is of really very little consequence.

ConfusedInBath · 17/05/2015 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsjayy · 17/05/2015 14:07

Maybe they had a private cremation not that it matters

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/05/2015 14:11

I mean Confused, that there are a lot of parents who have lost children, some of whom post about them and many more perhaps that don't. I feel sadness for every bereaved parent. I don't think anybody underestimates the pain of losing a child and the ongoing 'displacement' feeling (that's how I felt anyway).

I imagined what I would do if I lost a child now and I can't imagine that a memorial would even register in my head, it would be all over the place. It doesn't matter what I think and the bereaved parents of this child are thankfully not on this thread.

I'm going to leave it there.

Mehitabel6 · 17/05/2015 14:27

I have only read a selection of posts but I find it difficult to imagine that any parents could possibly complain. I wouldn't want to send my children to a school that didn't act in the way that this one is.

MrsDeVere · 17/05/2015 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justusemyname · 17/05/2015 15:22

I'm so sorry my iPad made children into chicken. Sorry for the disrespect unknowingly and unintended shown.

Hulababy · 17/05/2015 15:25

Actually a quick Google shows that schools across the country have closed for funerals and memorials of pupils and staff. None of those seem to have come under fire from the LEA. So although some LEAs may have a written policy on this it is clearly not strictly enforced and it is possible to close regardless, and with LEA permission.

So maybe your opinion isn't quite online with most people actually.

Hulababy · 17/05/2015 15:27

It may be a memorial as the family felt it was more suitable for primary school pupils than the actual funeral which they may prefer to keep private.