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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School closes for memorial

384 replies

memorial · 16/05/2015 19:13

Small village primary school, about 120 children from nursery to Yr 6.
A young girl is diagnosed with a brain tumour a few years ago, and died last week. She has a younger sibling in the school. Obviously all the teachers are heartbroken.
But a lot of the children and parents dont know her or her family. Her year group are now in Year 7 so have left the primary.
The school is closing early at 12pm for the memorial. There are obviously a fair number of families who wont go as they have no link or ties to this little girl. But equally all the teachers want to go, and there will be a good number of children and families going.
The memorial is at 1:30pm very close to the school.
There are some disgruntled parents that the whole school is closing.
I am purposefully not saying which side of this I am on.
Is the school BU to close early?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 17/05/2015 10:51

It's like a Jack Russell with a very nasty cause.

Apologises to any offended Russels....

Only1scoop · 17/05/2015 10:55

'When I was at school several children died including HT dc'

Let's make it as dramatic as possible with knobs on Eh.

Ugghhhh

ValancyJane · 17/05/2015 10:56

School is being completely and utterly reasonable - am sure OFSTED would criticise them for it, it sounds to me like they've made the right decision. I have worked at two different schools where children died; on neither occasion did I teach the child in question, but on both occasions it was just heartbreaking. Helping their friends to carry on is just awful - I'll never forget seeing an incredibly tough Year 9 lad sob hysterically through his friend's memorial assembly. Or my normally bouncy and challenging Year 8 class troop in subdued and red-eyed on learning that a classmate had died. It's just the worst thing you can have to deal with in a school in my opinion. I agree with a previous poster who said that it's a good lesson for children to learn that some events are so important that that the world stops for them.

StUmbrageinSkelt · 17/05/2015 11:01

When our son was stillborn, DSD's favourite teacher spent the day with her, brought her up to the hospital and I think came to the funeral (now I am scratching my head over WTF her mother was doing as we had a reasonable relationship and I know she was in my kitchen weeping at one point).

We had no direct relationship with DSD's school but I think when a family does have, it's important for the school to act as part of the community. I just remember that young teacher being lovely to DSD that day while we were screaming wrecks.

Tryingtokeepalidonit · 17/05/2015 11:02

When my DH died his GP Practice closed for the funeral and the school I worked at allowed as many staff as wanted to attend the funeral. When my DB died the legal firm he worked for closed for the afternoon. When a Y11 pupil died, after a long battle with cancer, the school not only closed for the funeral but also the staff paid for a large proportion of it since the family had lost work/savings during the child's illness. Compassion and empathy is not a crime Amy, in the private or the public sector.

My heart goes out to all the parents who have lost a child.

roughtyping · 17/05/2015 11:23

As a teacher, I would certainly hope that if the parents wished it, the school would close to allow people to attend. I would expect the same from my son's school. I work in a fairly big school of around 320 kids and I know many of them.

I know my current HT would have no issue with giving staff time off. She is very compassionate regarding sensitive situations. However, at my old school, a close friend committed suicide and the SMT couldn't bring themselves to even say sorry for my loss. I was given time off for the funeral but was asked to come back in afterwards.

roughtyping · 17/05/2015 11:24

Sorry - posted too quickly. So yes I think there are definitely people who have the same clinical outlook as some others on this thread.

Sallystyle · 17/05/2015 11:25

Amy, I don't know how you can read posts like Mrs D's and still continue to post the shit you are posting.

Yes, I know this is AIBU and opposite opinions are of course usually welcomed, but when we are talking about children dying and people have shared their heartache here it is crass and vile to continue to share your opinions. There are real people here who have suffered the worst loss of all, people whose lives will never be the same again, people who hurt every day in a way most of us can never begin to imagine.

There are some threads where you should just shut the fuck up because you are running the risk of hurting people who have suffered such a tragedy. Sometimes not every opinion needs to be shared if it is causing hurt. This is the kind of thread where you should back the fuck off. Everyone has the right to express their opinion but it takes a very special nasty person to express certain opinions and carry on expressing them when you have been told the reality of the situation from those who have lost children.

I never want to be a person who will shout off my opinion without a care in the world about who I might hurt.

Happybodybunny12 · 17/05/2015 11:30

The sort of people who would complain about this are really very frightening indeed.

To have zero empathy is a commen trait in psychopaths and serial killers isn't it.

Horrible horrible people.

Madmotherhen · 17/05/2015 11:34

There are some selfish posters on here.

A friend recently lost her daughter after watching her die. A large number of staff members from the secondary school where she was a pupil 2 years ago and has a sibling there now attended the funeral. The school shut for the morning and anyone who wanted/needed the whole day off could. Including one teacher who was very close to the family. The same teacher who went to the house at lunchtimes, after school and at weekends when she wasn't well enough for school to help get her through GCSE and A level English. The same teacher who I know on more than one occasion sat and cried with the mum. She became more than just a teacher to this family. Some members of staff also lived in the same village. Not only did the school close but so did the local shop and butchers. The village GPs and practice nurse also attended so there were no Drs that morning. My friend would be heartbroken to read this thread.

In a close knit community like a village everyone feels the loss.

The OPs friend is going through unimaginable pain struggling to get through each day and you want them to arrange the memorial for the convenience of working parents. How heartless are you. I pray to God you never experience losing your child or have to watch a friend experience it.

clam · 17/05/2015 11:36

Am I the only one who's Shock that Amy actually went away to google LEA policy on schools closing in the event of a death in the community?

tiggytape · 17/05/2015 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TenerifeSea · 17/05/2015 11:47

Some people are selfish shits who think schools are state paid childcare, solely existing for the parents' convenience. Fortunately, these people are in the minority. I hope they never ever experience the agony of watching their child die and then facing the rest of their lives feeling this way.

Mrsjayy · 17/05/2015 11:56

Its the likesof amy that just shows that some people do live in their se
fish bubble its is beyond belief they are saying aww thats sad but what about me i dont know whats wrong with people

Mrsjayy · 17/05/2015 11:57

Selfish*

Only1scoop · 17/05/2015 11:58

No clam you are not the only one.

I'm actually wondering if Amy is one of the selfishly twisted beasts that the Op heard gossiping. If not I have no doubt she would have been.

Moreisnnogedag · 17/05/2015 11:58

I hope the people who think the school closing is unreasonable would have the common decency to keep their pathetic opinions to themselves. Grumble away to your partners in private to your cold hearts content, but fgs don't say it anywhere near other people.

How anyone could read MrsDV posts at the start and continue to spout crap is beyond me.

amybear2 · 17/05/2015 12:10

My final word on the subject.
If the majority of LEAs agree with non-closure, then my opinion cannot be so wrong.

SauvignonBlanche · 17/05/2015 12:12

If the majority of LEAs agree with non-closure, then my opinion cannot be so wrong.

Oh yes it can, it's so very wrong on so many levels.

SoldierBear · 17/05/2015 12:17

Oh yes it can, Amy.
that is no sort of logic at all.
There are many, many "policies" that are wrong. Hmm, lets see - how about apartheid? Let's see you try to defend that.

I have seen animals that show more empathy in grieving the death of another animal than you are able to muster for a young girl, a devastated family and a whole community that are grieving.

Only1scoop · 17/05/2015 12:17

My final word is

Have some respect

You should be ashamed of blatantly gnawing away with your pettiness whilst some posters have shared their most harrowing experiences of losing loved ones including their dc.

People like you disgust me.

amybear2 · 17/05/2015 12:19

Not many LEAs condone apartheid in their schools Confused

Original poster
memorial · 17/05/2015 12:19

I believe they have permission from the lea to close early.
They are doing an early lunch at 11:30 so those who have paid don't lose out, and the dinner ladies don't get a day off Hmm
Those dinner ladies have been there the 10 years air have been at the school and are just lovely, I am sure they are just as upset and not thinking oh yay a free day off Confused

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 17/05/2015 12:20

And as for your thread on 'starting your own political party' ....now that has actually made me chuckle in the face of adversity.

Thick

MissDemelzaCarne · 17/05/2015 12:22

I thought you'd had your "final word on the subject".
Please do shut up. Angry

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