School closes for memorial

[memorial]

Small village primary school, about 120 children from nursery to Yr 6.
A young girl is diagnosed with a brain tumour a few years ago, and died last week. She has a younger sibling in the school. Obviously all the teachers are heartbroken.
But a lot of the children and parents dont know her or her family. Her year group are now in Year 7 so have left the primary.
The school is closing early at 12pm for the memorial. There are obviously a fair number of families who wont go as they have no link or ties to this little girl. But equally all the teachers want to go, and there will be a good number of children and families going.
The memorial is at 1:30pm very close to the school.
There are some disgruntled parents that the whole school is closing.
I am purposefully not saying which side of this I am on.
Is the school BU to close early?

I agree with those who have suggested ignoring Amybear. There's no point of responding to the witterings of somebody so goady and unpleasant.

amy you are talking complete and utter shit, I don't know what real world you live in but I sure hope it isn't near mine.

The school is not being unreasonable, it is showing respect and compassion. Two things a well rounded individual needs to learn, in showing this it is teaching its pupils how to live well with others. Thoughts with all those who have lost a child my GM lost two sons in accidents 50 years ago this summer, they are still with us, my DU's kept alive in our family through memories, talk and photographs.

Thing is, there are going to be a few parents for whom an unexpected school closure is a massive issue. Not everyone has friends or family who can just step in at short notice to mind their kids, and there are people who are more than just 'inconvenienced' when something like this happens. People in low-paid, insecure jobs, for instance, for whom losing a day's pay if they have no friends or family members to mind their kids means a trip to the food bank. People who might have medical treatment of their own scheduled for that day, having carefully planned it for a school day. Parents from this year's intake, who didn't know the family in question and might have preferred not to have to explain to their hyper-sensitive 4-year-old why the school is closed and deal with their DC's weeks of nightmares and panic attacks over the fact that s/he might die too...
I can see the HT's point, and on balance I reckon the school's doing the right thing but I don't think the parents who objected are necessarily evil and selfish. People who are under pressure and struggling don't magically feel better when they are reminded that worse things happen to other people and they should just suck it up when their plans get forcibly changed for the sake of someone they don't know.

I have just been prompted to register on Mumsnet specifically to comment on this thread. I just wanted to add my support to the many others commenting here that the school is absolutely NBU to close.
I'm hoping that the majority opinion will soon, overwhelmingly, outnumber the small minority who believe otherwise. That anyone, least of all another parent, thinks the school is BU, is quite frankly displaying a frightening lack of compassion or empathy for the bereaved (parents and community).
For the wider community, it is perfectly possible to be deeply affected by the loss of a child whether you personally know them at all and for the school to allow its community to grieve and show, by example, the next generation how to respectfully honour a loss is admirable.
I cannot imagine the unbearable pain of losing a child and to anyone who has been in such a position, my heart goes out to you. To those few in disagreement, you make me weep for humanity.

God forbid the catering staff get an extra day off!!!
You seem to have been given examples of more schools that have done this.
When my parent died they worked in a museum.
A whole department in it shut down as all the staff who worked there and knew my parent wanted to go to the funeral.
It was touching to see them all there and yes a hell of a lot more than if just one turned up!
Sure you would have been a moaning cow at that too.

Mrs d im so very sorry for your loss. Iv slso lost a sibling. It was very hard for my parents xx

Many years ago when I was a student in a primary school one of the children drowned in a local pond. All the teachers took all the children to the memorial service in the morning and went back to school for the afternoon but suspended normal lessons and let the children talk about what had happened.

One of our local secondary schools has had 3 teenage suicides all within a few weeks of each other, and, in the same year another had 2 teenage suicides. The schools did not close but allowed the closest friends and teacher representatives to attend the funeral and memorial services. They also provided counselling on-site.

There are a proportion of people who feel that school is state provided childcare with some lessons. They will be pissed off that it's cancelled. Others, who
understand that schools are there to facilitate learning and socialisation, would probably get that some days are different.

So sorry for your loss, OP.

All parents of children in school have to accept that they will need emergency childcare at virtually no notice. If the child becomes ill in school or has an accident he/she has to be collected.

These selfish parents have had plenty of notice.

In a long teaching career I only knew two children from schools where I taught who died. Of course the schools closed. The staff were devastated and wanted to be there to support the parents and any children who would be attending.

I feel sorry for the children of people like these parents and some people on this thread. How awful to grow up in a home where there is such a lack of compassion.

I started writing a long reply but I just can't be bothered. There is no way of getting through to people who think the way of some of those on this thread.

Everyone has a responsibility to have a back up plan in place for their child/ren. Schools can close with no notice - fire, broken heating etc... If someone doesn't have something set up to take their child for one afternoon that's not the school's fault. Even if you have no family, have to work etc, it's still not the school's fault. They are not a childcare facility.

For those who don't have the imagination or compassion to be swayed purely on an emotional level, this.

I am a primary teacher, I have been to 2 funerals of children linked to my job.

The first was a child I had taught the year before. He was killed on an accident. I was teaching his brother at the time who was there when his beloved older brother died. I went to the funeral with any other staff who had taught the child who died and many children aged between 6 and 10. The school held a service in the hall for those children and adults not in the church. As a church school we found a member of the clergy to do this for us.

More recently, I attended the funeral of a stillborn baby born to one of our families. I had worked with the baby's older siblings and knew parent and grandparents well. The school sent flowers and staff attended the wake for a cu of tea in their lunch breaks.

In both cases it was appreciated by the families that the school showed support and acknowledged the life and death of their children. The mother of the first child is still on touch with me and is now starting to ask questions about her son's funeral as she wasn't able to process it all at the time. I am glad I can answer her questions.

And just so Amybear can moan about it, yes I was paid for my time at both funerals. The LEA approved the school's idea of sending many staff and did not suggest unpaid leave. In fact, the LEA also sent counselling staff in and drafted in staff from other schools to help with the in school service.

It's not UR for the school to close but I think a better solution would be the school attending the memorial together. The school is closing so the school can attend so if they do as a whole that keeps stranger numbers down for the family (ie each child having a parent there massively increases numbers) which could be overwhelming.
It's not a funeral so there will be a defined end point/time for the teachers to get the children back to school for pick up or pick up can be arranged from the memorial.
Any children not wishing to go can be collected by their parents at 12.
That makes most sense to me but it might just be because that's how things were done at my school

When dad's teacher died her school closed early for the funeral. Some people complained or grumbled about it as they didn't really know the teacher. I found that attitude unbelievable and disrespectful.

It was awful for the children and teachers involved. They needed half a day to remember.

It was no surprise really when you saw some of which parents it was grumbling though.

Sad.

Sometimes these things happen and you have to think of the bigger picture. The teachers will need some time out.

Dd not dad

To anyone saying 'what are working parents supposed to do with their children', you are ridiculou. What would you do if the school burnt down overnight? Do that.

Paying respects to the family of a dead child trumps your logistical concerns. Clearly YOU don't think so, but (thankfully) the rest of the school community does, so deal with it.

"State provided childcare with some lessons"

Whoever posted this has hit the nail on the head. This is unfortunately the view of the entitled soulless gossips Op heard at the gate. How inconvenient that a dc has passed away and their memorial interferes with the school day.

Vile

This thread has moved me to tears. Condolences to MrsJ and Stinky and others who have lost children. I worked in a small village primary- smaller than the one described. The OP's HT did the right thing. What I can't get my head around are people even questioning the decision. Teachers are not robots. I remember the day after one of our staff's husband was killed in an accident. We could scarcely get through the day. I had to explain to the class why I was upset. People in this country are very bad at dealing with death and bereavement. The only compassionate reasons I can think of for the nastiness of the playground bitches and some nasty posters on here are lack of emotional intelligence and fear of death itself.

A while back, our small primary had the unexpected loss of a long serving, much loved key member of staff who had been one of those 'glue that holds the school together' people. They'd retired very recently.
The new head, despite being a strong, vocal Christian whose stated aim is to build up the Christian ethos of the school did not want the staff to go to the funeral.

To me a funeral is an important rite of passage and in a small school we really are a close-knit unit who spend so much time together. This person was part of our community, our village, loved by generations who had gone through the school. To me, it's hugely disrespectful to not mark that.

It hit me extremely hard, and I have much less respect for the head - don't constantly preach about Christian values, then not show the values of compassion, community, love and respect yourself.

And to answer the OP - no I don't think anyone with a heart would begrudge a school closing in those circumstances. School is about community, family, support ...so much more than the academic curriculum.

The fact that some businesses could not or would not close for this reason is wholly irrelevant. It is also incorrect to consider this on the basis that the school is there to provide a service. It is there to provide education, not free child care. The children attending the memorial service will learn much more than they would in school, and those not attending will also learn a very valuable lesson about bereavement and respect.

What horrid people on this thread.

Of course they should close.

MrsDeVere for you and the beautiful Billie. I hope the crassness of some on here hasn't upset you.

The phrase living in the real world made me fume. Schools see more 'real life' than many other organisations. And that's what makes the decision to shut the right one, schools have an enormous understanding of humanity and community (thankfully) and it should be quietly applauded.

Wow. Those suggesting 'just a couple' of teachers stay behind to look after the children who don't go - how exactly would the school know how man kids were going?

Would it be a permission slip style tear off thing sent out a few days before?

My child_will/will not (delete as appropriate) be attending the memorial.

FFS - some of the chat on this thread is just vile

Never mind the debate over which teachers 'deserve' to go more.

• well I taught x for 3 years so I'm going
• yes but I taught their elder sister too
• well we're not all allowed to go and I taught x for three years plus after school club so I knew them better.

Mind boggling...