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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To already be severely pissed off?

132 replies

sherbetlemonD · 13/05/2015 17:04

My Dad has just had surgery. I made a thread here last week about my "mother" expecting me to take time off my voluntary work to look after him and I refused- and still stand by that.

So I spent yesterday and Monday arguing arguing with her about this- apparently her social life will suffer if she misses "important engagements"- and by that I mean golf games and lunches with friends. I work 4.5 days a week at the moment but want that to change soon- i'm applying like crazy for paid jobs but not getting anywhere at the moment which I guess is adding to my frustration.

I don't have a problem pitching in AT ALL- as I said in my other thread I do the majority of the housework and cook most meals- both 95% of the time. I do live rent free and I 100% appreciate that- but it can get a bit much working all afternoon, doing the shopping, cooking tea, washing and ironing and then cleaning the bathrooms and hoovering to her exact standards. It would be completely different if she worked of course and was out of the house all day- but she goes out, comes home and sits in the conservatory/lounge/garden drinking wine and then bosses me about to do the housework. So I think expecting me to give up my job (voluntary or not) so she can go out and socialise is taking the biscuit a little bit.

Last night my severely sick aunt was rushed into hospital- I went to visit, because that's what family does. Mum refused- they don't get on otherwise but if it was my brother (considering the fact we don't get on at all) i'd drop what I was doing and drive to the moon to visit him if he was as ill as she was. I didn't get home until later as the hospital she was in is a good 40 miles away and obviously wanted to stay as long as I could- and then I had to do the cleaning before bed. I didn't get to bed until gone 1am.

So today. D came out of hospital- Mum got a call at 8am to come and pick him up. More important to go out to golf- so she woke me up to go and do it. I let it slide. I should probably add here- that we were told on Monday it was highly likely he would be coming home today and she arranged her golf game on Monday night.

Then the rest of the day- i've been sent to THREE different supermarkets for things he demanded he had- one of which was on the way back from the hospital, but no- he couldn't wait 2 minutes while I nipped in to buy the ONE THING from that supermarket he wanted. So I drove home and drove 20 miles back to pick it up and on to the other supermarkets.

On the way back he calls and asks me to pick up something from the PO and to go to the bank for him- not a problem. I then got home and he complained that his ice cream had gone soft in the back of the car. Not sure what he expected as it had to sit in the back of a hot car, on a hottest day for an hour while I parked up in town, had to walk a way (as the central car parks were full) to the Post Office and bank, que in both places and then walk back and drive home.

I got home- and literally 2 minutes in the door with 20 bags of shopping I was asked "have you put my lunch on yet?". no i fucking haven't. Spent an hour prepping and cooking his lunch for him to complain that it doesn't taste how Mum makes it. I wanted to throw it over his fucking head.

And to top it off- i've been called a "lazy bitch" because I had 6 hours sleep last night and I haven't done the hoovering yet and decided to have an hours nap instead because i'll be going back to the hospital at 6.

God knows what delights are in store tomorrow when I get up for work Grin

AIBU? Really?!

OP posts:
Andro · 13/05/2015 17:11

You haven't shouted at/threatened/maimed anyone yet?

YABU!

YANBU to be really pissed off!

GloopyGhoul · 13/05/2015 17:42

Are you Cinderella??

Golferman · 13/05/2015 17:44

Fuck me they are taking the piss! Stand up for yourself.

PandaNot · 13/05/2015 17:50

Move out, as soon as possible. You are not their slave!

TheFairyCaravan · 13/05/2015 17:50

God, I would have walked out by now.

I'm recovering from surgery. I'm in bed and DH is doing everything around the house. I feel bad asking for a drink because he's so busy. I wouldn't dare expect him to drive 20 miles to buy me something from the shop and we live in the arse end of nowhere.

Hope your aunt gets better soon.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 13/05/2015 17:52

Seriously?

Shop once a week & leave them alone for the rest of it.

Anyone that called me a lazy bitch after a day like that would be wearing their dinner....

VelvetRose · 13/05/2015 17:55

Crikey! Is there any way you can live somewhere else? Sorry if that's a silly question. This just sounds unbearable.

Nanny0gg · 13/05/2015 17:56

You do realise they're treating you as slave labour, don't you?

VelvetRose · 13/05/2015 17:58

I didn't live with her OP but my mil used to be like that, absolutely horrible! I had to put my foot down and say no. It worked. She's ok now!

BettyCatKitten · 13/05/2015 17:58

Christ!
Can you leave! Talk about being exploited!

viva100 · 13/05/2015 17:58

YABU for putting up with all that.

Skiptonlass · 13/05/2015 18:01

You need to move out, this is terrible. What's stopping you moving? Finances? Guilt?

FenellaFellorick · 13/05/2015 18:02

Sadly, as long as you rely on them for a roof over your head you can expect to continue this life.
If you want things to change, you need to get out onto your own two feet.
Easy to say, damned hard to do these days! It requires compromise. Accepting less than your dream. A room in a shared house. A bed sit. Etc
It's hard, of course, but it's not like it's easy now is it? As with much in life, It's a case of pick your pain.
It's all very depressing Grin

thehumanjam · 13/05/2015 18:02

Definitely move out. They feel they have you over a barrel, prove to them that they don't. I'm sure they will treat you very differently when you move out.

woowoo22 · 13/05/2015 18:26

How much fecking cleaning is there?

Why why why can't you move out? I assume the council would house you, wouldn't be the best but would get you away from them.

Are you applying for all jobs eg bar work, shops etc?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 13/05/2015 18:39

Um yes you are definitely not BU!!

Yes you live rent free.... But they are getting more than a good return... In fact way too much...

Can you escape these people... They dont seem to treat you with any respect..

Elllimam · 13/05/2015 18:40

Could you get a flat share or go to the council and say you are homeless? Anything would be better than your current situation.

AnyFucker · 13/05/2015 18:46

Cinders, it's time for you to start scouring the small ads for a room in a shared house

anything is better than this, surely ?

SoldierBear · 13/05/2015 18:49

Can you go and stay with your aunt when she gets out of hospital?

DarthVadersTailor · 13/05/2015 18:54

And the reason you're taking all of this shit is?.............

Get a paid job and get outta there, let someone else slave after them lot and you go and live a life of your own. You are worth more than being treated as nothing more than hired help.

CaptainAnkles · 13/05/2015 18:56

I would be looking for anywhere at all to be except there. Seriously. Anywhere.

paxtecum · 13/05/2015 19:04

You could get a live in job as a house keeper and get paid for it.

Have a look at The Lady online, they always have ads for live in jobs.

Quitelikely · 13/05/2015 19:08

Whaaaaat! Over my dead body.

Please leave and when you do give them both barrels.

Total, utter arseholes. I rarely swear in RL or here but sometimes the situation demands it!

Quitelikely · 13/05/2015 19:09

Yes to paxtecums idea!

sherbetlemonD · 13/05/2015 20:35

It's a tough situation. Me and my parents don't have a good relationship at all and I know they don't treat me right- I always have. I still love them though which is keeping me here- plus the fact I literally have £3.42 to my name and i'm terrified.

OP posts: