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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To already be severely pissed off?

132 replies

sherbetlemonD · 13/05/2015 17:04

My Dad has just had surgery. I made a thread here last week about my "mother" expecting me to take time off my voluntary work to look after him and I refused- and still stand by that.

So I spent yesterday and Monday arguing arguing with her about this- apparently her social life will suffer if she misses "important engagements"- and by that I mean golf games and lunches with friends. I work 4.5 days a week at the moment but want that to change soon- i'm applying like crazy for paid jobs but not getting anywhere at the moment which I guess is adding to my frustration.

I don't have a problem pitching in AT ALL- as I said in my other thread I do the majority of the housework and cook most meals- both 95% of the time. I do live rent free and I 100% appreciate that- but it can get a bit much working all afternoon, doing the shopping, cooking tea, washing and ironing and then cleaning the bathrooms and hoovering to her exact standards. It would be completely different if she worked of course and was out of the house all day- but she goes out, comes home and sits in the conservatory/lounge/garden drinking wine and then bosses me about to do the housework. So I think expecting me to give up my job (voluntary or not) so she can go out and socialise is taking the biscuit a little bit.

Last night my severely sick aunt was rushed into hospital- I went to visit, because that's what family does. Mum refused- they don't get on otherwise but if it was my brother (considering the fact we don't get on at all) i'd drop what I was doing and drive to the moon to visit him if he was as ill as she was. I didn't get home until later as the hospital she was in is a good 40 miles away and obviously wanted to stay as long as I could- and then I had to do the cleaning before bed. I didn't get to bed until gone 1am.

So today. D came out of hospital- Mum got a call at 8am to come and pick him up. More important to go out to golf- so she woke me up to go and do it. I let it slide. I should probably add here- that we were told on Monday it was highly likely he would be coming home today and she arranged her golf game on Monday night.

Then the rest of the day- i've been sent to THREE different supermarkets for things he demanded he had- one of which was on the way back from the hospital, but no- he couldn't wait 2 minutes while I nipped in to buy the ONE THING from that supermarket he wanted. So I drove home and drove 20 miles back to pick it up and on to the other supermarkets.

On the way back he calls and asks me to pick up something from the PO and to go to the bank for him- not a problem. I then got home and he complained that his ice cream had gone soft in the back of the car. Not sure what he expected as it had to sit in the back of a hot car, on a hottest day for an hour while I parked up in town, had to walk a way (as the central car parks were full) to the Post Office and bank, que in both places and then walk back and drive home.

I got home- and literally 2 minutes in the door with 20 bags of shopping I was asked "have you put my lunch on yet?". no i fucking haven't. Spent an hour prepping and cooking his lunch for him to complain that it doesn't taste how Mum makes it. I wanted to throw it over his fucking head.

And to top it off- i've been called a "lazy bitch" because I had 6 hours sleep last night and I haven't done the hoovering yet and decided to have an hours nap instead because i'll be going back to the hospital at 6.

God knows what delights are in store tomorrow when I get up for work Grin

AIBU? Really?!

OP posts:
sherbetlemonD · 17/05/2015 20:58

Thank you again everyone. Another really bad day Sad

I got a reply from the Samaritans. No practical advice really but it was good to get it down and off my chest to someone else. I'm quite surprised they got back to me so quickly as i'm sure they are inundated with more important matters. I'll also think about contacting womans aid.

Gabilan- do you mind if you PM me? From what you said from your last post it sounds like you might be able to offer me some advice. I hope you don't mind?

OP posts:
catzpyjamas · 17/05/2015 21:09

Women's Aid might be better for practical support and now you've sent the email once, you can just forward it to them?
You should be very proud of yourself for taking that first brave step. Now you need to keep it going. There is a way out of this horrible situation and I really hope you find it.

Gabilan · 17/05/2015 21:13

Have PMed you, Sherbet

Momagain1 · 17/05/2015 23:30

Very brave move Sherbert. I hope it's the start og changes you deserve.

ovumahead · 18/05/2015 05:48

Sherbet please don't think about sending an email to women's aid. Just do it! Please. I know it's frightening, but delaying is only prolonging this awful situation. I know as well how hard it can be to imagine a future where things are better, especially when you feel like crap. But it can and will happen.

AlpacaPicnic · 19/05/2015 00:01

Sending you more good will and strength via the magic of the Internet. I hope that the response from the Samaritans and any response you get from WA will confirm to you what we have all been saying. You deserve a better life than this. You are not overreacting. This is not your fault.
You deserve happiness.

ovumahead · 25/05/2015 19:10

Any updates sherbet? Hoping you're ok!

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