AIBU to have not given up my seat for this child

[addstudentdinners2]

I have suspected endometriosis (being investigated) and get excruciating cramps leading up to AF. Got on crowded tube this morning feeling absolutely lousy, stomach really hurting and also feeling faint/hot. Woman got on tube at same time as me with 2 DC, one older boy at a guess about 13 and girl at a guess about 8/9. There was one seat, I took it as desperately needed to sit down, only to see little girl standing in front of me glaring as I'd quite clearly beaten her to the seat (hadn't intended to, didn't know she was going for it as well), and then mother said very loudly 'you can just always tell the women who haven't got kids'.

which was v hurtful as have ongoing fertility issues.

others around me tutted at me and huffed and puffed and felt really bad. WIBU to have stolen this seat from a child? I really felt unwell.

Yanbu, but I bet this will quickly divert into a 'should children stand for adults?' debate.

I have endo so I'm going to be massively sympathetic.

YANBU at all

It's not a popular view on here, but I think children of 8/9 and above should at least offer to stand to let adults sit down in any case. In this example you clearly needed the seat, even if that wasn't apparent to the parent

Hope you feel better soon

silver well no i don't think they should, and actually i generally give my seat up for young children, but I was quite obviously in a lot of pain on this occasion.

it was the 'you can tell she hasn't got kids' comment that upset me

You werent rude at all. Hope you are feeling much better.

Why couldnt you just tell her that you felt unwell? Maybe im getting old but I would have no problem replying in an equally loud voice and making that person feel as bad as they had tried to make me feel

YANBU.. you sat down first. It's not as if you pushed the child out of the way.

I'm old school anyway and think that children should stand for adults anyway.

You were there first, irregardless of anything else. You didn't actually ask the child to stand up for you, did you? The mother was a sarky cow.

I think I'd have stated quite loudly that I had a painful condition so was very relieved to have a seat. I might also have said that I longed desperately for a baby but it wasn't happening for me easily.
I love shaming people who make thoughtless comments like that!

Yanbu, at 8/9 that child is perfectly capable of standing. No need to feel bad at all.

YANBU - I thuink kids that age should stand up for adults. Obviously if they'd been toddlers or their mom was juggling several small children then it would be different.

You did nothin wrong and I suspect any huffing was at the rude mother.

Hope you feel better soon

Was the mother seated? Perhaps the girl coyldt have sat on her lap if she needed to sit?

Posted too soon. You shouldn't feel bad you needed that seat. Fainting on the tube can be very dangerous to yourself and others never mind the delays to the system. But you should have made it clear to the entire carriage why you were sitting. Maybe then they would think twice about judging the next person with a hidden illness or disability.

iwant no, mother was standing too, I got the only seat there was at that point.

to everyone saying i should have said something, you're right, i should have, and will next time. just everyone else was also tutting at me, didn't feel like i could.

I would have said "You can always just tell the women who haven't got manners".

Unless the child was disabled or otherwise clearly unwell then YANBU at all. Children are as able to stand as a healthy adult aren't they?

Why should she have made it clear to the whole carriage why she was sitting???
She was sitting in the seat because she got to it first; if she'd had to request someone to give up their seat for her an explanation might have been necessary.
In this case - no.
You're not compelled to respond to every idiot who has a go...

Must admit I agree with ClosertoFifty, though I give up my seat for small children if it's not a sciatica day. Allby, the pain of endo (yep, me too) can make it very difficult to speak without vomiting.

OP I bet they were tutting at her not you!

Bitout no it was definitely me sadly!!

I certainly wouldn't give up my seat for a child of 8/9 and there's nothing wrong with my health.

No. You being ill doesn't matter. Children should let adults have seats, IMO.

And there's no reason at all to inform people of your medical issues just to justify sitting down. I think a good MN raised eyebrow and a 'How rude' would have been a good response here.

The kid is old enough to stand. I wouldn't give up a seat for a child and I have 2. Some parents are entitled twats.

Well I would have been giving you reassuring smile if I were there