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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have not given up my seat for this child

137 replies

addstudentdinners2 · 13/05/2015 14:28

I have suspected endometriosis (being investigated) and get excruciating cramps leading up to AF. Got on crowded tube this morning feeling absolutely lousy, stomach really hurting and also feeling faint/hot. Woman got on tube at same time as me with 2 DC, one older boy at a guess about 13 and girl at a guess about 8/9. There was one seat, I took it as desperately needed to sit down, only to see little girl standing in front of me glaring as I'd quite clearly beaten her to the seat (hadn't intended to, didn't know she was going for it as well), and then mother said very loudly 'you can just always tell the women who haven't got kids'.

which was v hurtful as have ongoing fertility issues.

others around me tutted at me and huffed and puffed and felt really bad. WIBU to have stolen this seat from a child? I really felt unwell.

OP posts:
maninawomansworld · 14/05/2015 17:03

YANBU at all.

And on a more general note, sorry but adults paying full fare trump children for seats every time (unless child is obviously unwell or has a plaster cast on or something).

Timri · 14/05/2015 17:06

And on a more general note, sorry but adults paying full fare trump children for seats every time

I'll let the OAPs know...

TheCatsMother99 · 14/05/2015 17:14

I'd have said something back like 'you can also tell who the people are who assume all illnesses and disabilities are immediately obvious'.

I've been a 'victim' of a similar thing before except it was me using a lift and being grunted at by a man who told me I was selfish for using up space for a push chair. I said loud and clear to him that I didn't realise I had to provide my medical notes in order to be allowed to ride the lift.... That shut him up.

CrapBag · 14/05/2015 17:23

YANBU. I also had endo although I didn't know until we were ttc. I had crippling period pain though, every month from the age of 13 onwards. I also had the laser surgery the got pregnant 4 months after so good luck with that.

I have an invisible illness. I would have done what you did and not stood up after. Ignore the others. So many people have invisible illnesses these days that people really should be more aware.

stopeatingbiscuits · 14/05/2015 17:23

Agree with previous posters, child of that age more than able to stand. I was always taught to give up my seats for adults and I encourage my oldest son to do the same if we are ever on public transport (he is 3.5, his brother is 1.5 so still in buggy). Sometimes if really busy tube it is actually easier to have him sitting on my knee than wobbling about but I would always wait for someone to offer us a seat and would never feel entitled to one or be angry with another adult sitting down. As someone said above, some parents are entitled @&£%#.

Icimoi · 14/05/2015 17:40

I agree that some or all of the tutters were likely to have been tutting at the mother, not you, OP. I really can't see the average tube passenger sympathising with someone trying to claim that an 8 year old child has a greater need for a seat than an adult. In fact, if I was the mother concerned I wouldn't be too impressed at my child pushing for the last remaining seat ahead of me, let alone other adults.

NoImSpartacus · 14/05/2015 17:45

Oh my GOD how did you not say something back ?

I would have crucified the bitch. In a calm and dignified manner, naturally Wink Grin

NurseRoscoe · 14/05/2015 17:58

YANBU. If the little girl was 2 years old, or unsteady when walking maybe as an adult you would of been, however at 8/9 she is capable of standing up. My 3.5 year old managed it when there were no seats. That woman was a cunt muffin & clearly one of those who thinks her child should be treated with greater importance than anyone else in the world.

TendonQueen · 14/05/2015 18:12

If it was the end of the day and the child was very young and looked exhausted, I would offer my seat provided I didn't feel unwell myself. None of that was the case. The woman was very rude and entitled.

AgathaChristie01 · 14/05/2015 18:15

It wouldn't even occur to me to give a seat to a child that age, to be honest. I have willingly given up my seat when someone needed it, more than I did, for whatever reason.
If people were tutting, I imagine it was at the rudeness of the woman and child.

hestialou · 14/05/2015 18:24

You should've responded can tell the women who had easy first trimester, I had awful with sickness and got my badge at 6 weeks. Didn't help much and at 22 weeks with a big bump I still get glared at if ask for a priority seat!

Lilybensmum1 · 14/05/2015 18:30

You did the right thing the woman was rude and not teaching her children much. However I don't agree with children giving up seats for able bodied adults, definatley for the elderly, pregnant or disabled. I would however sit my child 7 & 5 on my lap to let someone sit down.

I don't understand this feeling on MN about children should give up seats to all adults, they have the same right and have also paid to travel. First come first served I say, except for the above group of people.

Wobblystraddle · 14/05/2015 18:31

Why would she say that hestia? Have you read the OP?

hestialou · 14/05/2015 18:41

Wobbly, cos the woman obv had children herself and doesn't consider anyone else could have hidden issues about standing on trains....

Variousrandomthings · 14/05/2015 19:44

A toddler would be better seated but a school aged child is fine to stand

keepitsimple0 · 14/05/2015 20:05

I was born in 1978 and was brought up to give my seat to adults. The idea being that a similar courtesy will be extended to you when you reach adulthood.

I was born before you, taught as you were, thought it was silly then, and think it is silly now.

if you want children to respond respectfully and courteously to other people, I wouldn't be telling them they are second class citizens.

Dec05 · 14/05/2015 20:11

Why on earth should an adult give up their seat for an 8/9 year old ?
Surely to goodness it should be the other way around

Crocodopolis · 14/05/2015 21:14

YANBU.

Hope you are soon feeling better. Flowers

Morelikeguidelines · 14/05/2015 21:21

YANBU.

If I didn't have a painful condition (which I don't, not like yours) I would give my seat to a small child under 5. I wouldn't give it to an 8/9 year old. In usual circumstances they would be the fittest of the fit.

(I have a 6 year old and wouldn't expect her to get any special treatment, just to be on a level pegging with able bodied adults, ifyswim. Give up her seat to those who need it, etc)

You do have a painful condition and so needed the seat. So you wouldn't have to give it up whoever came along. You also got there first.

Sometimes I think people use the fact they are travelling with others (whether children or adults) to make rude comments about people on their own without actually addressing them.

AyMamita · 14/05/2015 21:26

YANBU. Little brat needed to learn to respect her elders! How dare she stand and glare/huff at an adult she doesn't even know! Console yourself with the thought that her rude, entitled mother will reap what she has sown when that child is a teenager.

Moresmores · 14/05/2015 21:38

Having been a commuter for ten years and as a parent I have mixed views on this. I would rather my children shared a seat than I had one as they find it harder to stand and hold on than i do. So I let them sit down before I do.

I happily give up my seat for older adults or people with young kids (under 5's). I don't really like this children should stand attitude. You pay for children's tickets too.

Tryharder · 14/05/2015 21:40

I've never heard of adults being expected to give up seats to kids.

It's the other way round surely. Whilst I wouldn't necessarily expect my children to give up seats to young adults, they are expected to give them up to anyone over the age of about 40

The mother was weird.

keepitsimple0 · 14/05/2015 22:51

they are expected to give them up to anyone over the age of about 40

how arbitrary. why 40?

Icimoi · 14/05/2015 23:20

I don't understand this feeling on MN about children should give up seats to all adults, they have the same right and have also paid to travel

Not on the London Underground or buses. Free travel there for under 16s, and for over 16s in full time education.

kali110 · 15/05/2015 00:16

Yanbu at all. I have hidden disabilities and i would never give up my seat.
I get the glares and tuts all the times but why should the op have to disclose her condition?
I don't tell people, i don't want random people knowing.

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